A Piercing Observation

, , , | Working | September 15, 2015

(I’m helping my friend pick out some new earrings and everything has been pretty normal up until this point.)

Cashier: “Hey, do any of you want to pierce your nose?”

Me: *laughing* “No, I don’t think my parents would like that.”

Cashier: “But you’ve already got a few!”

Me: “Huh? No…”

Cashier: “You’ve got one right there!” *points at a fairly large mole on my upper lip*

Me: “That’s a mole.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay.” *goes back to tidying a case like nothing happened*

(It’s kind of scary to think that a guy like him does piercings for a living.)


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His Attitude Has Hit Rock Bottom

, , | Right | March 16, 2015

(A customer calls in, requesting tips for how to get rid of the ants in his garden. I give him several tips but he is very patronizing throughout the call and rather rude.)

Me: “…or, if neither of those things work, come winter, you can try and freeze the ant-hill from within.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “You take an iron rod and stick it as far into the ground as possible, and leave it there over winter, and—”

Customer: “So, how far down do I need to stick it?”

Me: “Well, as far as you can, to make sure you get it through their entire colony. One meter is usually recommended.”

Customer: *in a very condescending tone* “Hah, you obviously don’t know what you are talking about! Let me tell you, I live on the WEST COAST. The soil here is no deeper than half a meter at most! There is no possible way I can stick an iron rod a whole meter down into the ground. I would obviously hit the bedrock way before that. So there is no way your stupid suggestion would work to get rid of the ants. I could never penetrate their entire colony.”

Me: “…but, if there is bedrock half a meter down, the ants cannot live further down either.”

Customer: “Oh. I never thought about that. I guess you are right. Do you have any more suggestions?”

(He was very polite and grateful after that!)

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Only One Left

, , , | Right | August 25, 2014

(I am an optometrist, selling glasses and contact lenses. A customer calls me up to ask about some contact lenses I sent to him in the mail.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m just calling to ask you which of the lenses is for which eye!”

Me: “I’m sorry! I am usually so careful about these things. I can’t believe I forgot to mark them.”

Customer: “Yeah, it says, ‘Right,’ on one of the boxes, but what about the other one?”

Me: “Uh, then the other one would be for your left eye.”

Customer: “Great, thanks!” *hangs up*


This story is part of the World Sight Day roundup!

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It Captchas Del.icio.us Spam And Cookies

, , | Right | June 1, 2010

(I work for a well-known anti-virus company. A customer calls in to ask about the difference in her product and the other ones we carry.)

Caller: “So, what about the cheapest one?”

Me: “It’s got the anti-virus protection, but it doesn’t protect you from net phishing.”

Caller: “I see. So, what about the one that I’m using right now?”

Me: “Basically you’ve got both the anti-virus components and also a firewall, which is the recommended one for an average user.”

Caller: “Oh, I see. So the firewall will protect the computer from catching on fire?”


This story is part of the Technologically-Challenged roundup!

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A Smoking Computer Is Always A Bad Sign

, , | Right | May 5, 2010

Caller: “My bong isn’t working!”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean, ma’am. Could you explain what your problem is?”

Caller: “I told you! My bong is broken!”

Me: “Your bong, ma’am?”

Caller: “Yes the bong that goes into the computer for my Internet!”

Me: “Oh, do you mean your ‘dongle’?”

Caller: “Yes! That thing!”


This story is part of our Tongue-Tied-Customers roundup!

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