If You’re Going To Be An A**, You’re Going To Get Slapped On It

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2020

I am just at the end of my break, finishing off a call with my girlfriend right before going to the check out in time for my shift. A smiling young woman walks up to me with a few books, having overheard my call.

Customer: “Was that your boyfriend?”

Me: “No, that was my girlfriend, actually.”


I stare at her in shock, never having had a customer actually scream something bigoted at me.

Me: “Sorry, what?”

The woman grabs the books she bought and rips them out of my hands.


Suddenly, another customer walks by — a girl who looks to be about 14 or 15. Just as she passes us, she raises her hand and smacks the woman’s a**.

Girl: “Hey there, sexy.”

The girl winked at her with a grin and then sprinted out of the store, leaving the woman to just stand there in a stunned fury. She stomped out of the store, leaving her books behind.

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A Life-Long Member Of The Hoarding Club

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2020

Most people are hoarding stuff they think they absolutely must have during a possible quarantine, while some people don’t seem to understand that the stores don’t have unlimited stocks.

Older Lady: “I need hand sanitizer!”

Pharmacy Staff: “I’m sorry, but we are sold out.”

Older Lady: “But I’m a MEMBER!”

Yes, lady, you and the rest of this country’s population.

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Weirdly Placed Manners

, , , , , | Friendly | April 25, 2020

I like to think that I am “down with the kids.” I’m almost thirty years old and have always liked kids. Apparently, kids don’t always like you back.

I entered [Very Large, Famous Clothing Store] and saw a little boy, maybe five or six years old, sitting on the floor under a clothing rack, sulking. Thinking that I could be the one to cheer him up, I smiled at him… and got a death glance back from him.

Okay, this one is a hard pleaser, so I jokingly stuck my tongue out. Shouldn’t have done that.

The sourpuss kid immediately yelled at me, “YOU DO NOT GET TO STICK PUT YOUR TONGUE AT ME! IT IS NOT ALLOWED!”

Pretty sure the entire store heard him. 

I quickly scrambled away from this kid, promising myself never to interact with unknown kids ever again.

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Reduce Your Bills: Quit Paying Your Rent

, , , | Working | April 20, 2020

(It’s fairly late afternoon when I get a random call. I tend to answer all calls I get but I try to shut down salespeople when I realize the reason for the call.)

Caller: “Hello, I’m with [Company]. Are you the one in charge of bills at [my address]?”

Me: *a bit confused* “Um, yes…”

Caller: “I’d like to talk to you about reducing your charges.”

Me: *catching on* “I’m not interested in what you’re offering.”

Caller: “I understand, but I can help you reduce your electricity bills if you give me the time.”

Me: “My electricity bill?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “The same electricity that is included in my rent?”

Caller: *pause* “Thank you for your time.” *hangs up*

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Sadly, She’s Allergic To Honesty

, , , | Right | March 27, 2020

(I’m working at a call center that takes overflow calls from a big extermination company. This summer, in particular, is plagued by wasps all over the country, and we have so many calls that we’ve had to hire extra staff to handle the workload. Most of the customers are calling because their home insurance covers household pests, and the more reasonable ones understand that there are wasps everywhere right now and that there is a waiting period. Then, there are the gems like this lady:)

Me: “Welcome to [Extermination Company]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hello, I have this huge wasp nest on my verandah and I have a garden party tomorrow. I need someone to come out right away to take care of it.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. Unfortunately, I have to inform you that, since we’re experiencing an unusually heavy workload right now, the waiting period for an exterminator is approximately one week. Would you like me to put in a work order for you?”

Customer: “That is completely unacceptable! I’m paying for this service! I want your personal guarantee that you’ll have a man out here this afternoon!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I can only put through a rush order if there’s an emergency.”

Customer: “This is an emergency! I have a party tomorrow!”

Me: “Ma’am, by ’emergency’ I mean if there’s a danger to life or limb, like if someone in the household has a wasp allergy or something like that.”

Customer: “YES! My children are deathly allergic to wasps! Send someone over here right away!”

(Well, funny that you didn’t think to mention that before you told me about your precious garden party. Of course, I had to put in a rush order anyway because of the magic word “allergy,” but I made a note about how the call went down and I hope the exterminator assigned to the case gave her a piece of their mind.)

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