Cost You Down To The Bone

, , | Right | October 3, 2018

(My colleague and I work in the gift shop of our local museum, where we tend to have rather high-priced, locally-made products. The customer in question is a man with his ten-year-old daughter. She is interested in a scoop-shaped drinking vessel made of bone from a bear, and it’s 50% off.)

Me: “That’ll be [amount].”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: “It’s actually 50% off…”

(He starts to scream and walk off, dragging his daughter by the hand.)

Me: “It’s a unique handmade product made of natural materials, which is why the price is a bit—”

Customer: “NO, IT’S NOT! BULLS***! I CAN MAKE THAT MYSELF!”

Me: “Oh. Okay, then.”

(He stormed out, leaving me and my colleague staring after him in bewilderment.)

Unfiltered Story #122243

, | Unfiltered | October 1, 2018

(A company has been trying to get in contact witch my mom for the past week, but since they called so early in the day when my mom wasn’t at home, they try again the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that… By the fifth time I’m starting to get a bit annoyed at them.)
Caller: “Hello, I’m calling from [company], and-”
Me: “She’s not at home right now.”
Caller: “…Wha…?” *confused silence*  “Uhm… Ok, sorry to bother you.” *hangs up*
Me: *silently chuckling to myself*

This Isn’t Bunny

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2018

(I am an intern at a local pet store. I am about 16 or 17, and it is my first week. A man walks up to me and asks if we have any rabbits.)

Me: “Certainly! Right this way!”

(The man takes a look at the rabbits.)

Customer: “No, these won’t do; they have claws. Do you have any without claws?”

Me: “No, sir, all rabbits have claws. They need them.”

Customer: “Why? Why do they need claws?”

Me: *a bit stunned* “Well, sir, they are meant to dig, so they need the claws for that.”

Customer: “Can you remove them?”

Me: “No, sir, we cannot remove the rabbits’ claws.”

Customer: “Okay. Do you have any other animals without claws?”

Me: “Unfortunately not. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

(The man stares blankly at me for a couple of moments:)

Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I’m a bunny-rabbit!”

(Then, he walked out, leaving me with probably the most confused face ever.)

Some Complaints Are Ripe For The Picking

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2018

(I am working at the checkout counter, and we have a special on avocados from South America: two for the price of one. There are about four people in the queue; one of them is a regular. I see that he is holding two avocados and muttering to himself. As it is his turn, he hands me the avocados.)

Me: “Hi, would that be all for you?”

Customer #1: “No.”

Me: “No?”

Customer #1: “No, they are not ripe. You picked them too early!”

(And he hands me the avocados and walks away, having queued about ten minutes just to hand them back.)

Me: “…?”

(The next lady in line approaches.)

Customer #2: *laughing* “Yeah, you picked them too early.”

Me: “I guess I can have a sleep in tomorrow, then.”

Bready, Steady, Close!

, , | Right | August 14, 2018

(It’s closing time for the day, and I’ve gone through almost the entire closing routine; the remaining bread that wasn’t sold for the day has been picked up by a local homeless shelter, I’ve counted the register, and I’m just in the process of getting a broom for the floor when I hear somebody enter through the door. I look out into the store to see a woman standing by the counter, talking on her cell phone. I watch her for about ten seconds before she looks up from her conversation and sees me.)

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “But your door was open.”

Me: “Oh, I was sure I closed it.”

(The door is old and the lock can jolt back unless you give the door a push when you lock it.)

Customer: “Oh… ’cause your door was open.”

(She starts looking at the empty shelves, the empty glass counter, and the empty bread baskets. There’s nothing left that I can sell her.)

Me: “Well, we’re closed, sorry. We closed half an hour ago, and all the bread and buns have been picked up by a local shelter we donate to, and the register is closed and counted for the day.”

Customer: “Oh… Okay… Because your door was open!” *leaves*

(I lock the door properly behind her.)

Me: *to coworker* “What did she expect me to say? ‘Oh, of course, I was wrong; I thought we closed, but apparently we are open! Let me go and bake a new loaf of bread for you!’”

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