Their Argument For Getting A Return Is Week

, , , , | Right | November 27, 2018

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to return this, and I don’t have a receipt.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t return items without a valid receipt.”

Customer: “I have a credit card statement. You can use that, instead.”

Me: “I’m afraid that credit card statements are not an acceptable proof of purchase here. It only shows me how much you spent, and not necessarily what you specifically purchased.”

Customer: “That should be more than enough information! You should be able to look up my transaction in your computer!”

Me: “I’m sorry to say this, but our computer systems are not as advanced as what you normally find in major retailers. We literally have no way of tracing past transactions without an actual receipt. This is clearly outlined in our return policy.”

Customer: “Why does this have to be so hard? It’s just a simple return! I only purchased this three weeks ago; can you really not go that far back?”

Me: “Ma’am, did you just say you purchased this three weeks ago?”

Customer: “Yes! Now, can you help me or not?”

Me: “Are you absolutely sure that it was three weeks ago?”

Customer: “How many times are you going to make me repeat myself? Yes, I bought this three weeks ago!”

Me: “In that case, ma’am, it looks like we’re already done here. There’s not much more I can do for you.”

Customer: “What do you mean that we’re ‘done’ here?”

Me: “You just told me that you purchased this three weeks ago. I confirmed this with you twice. Our return policy is only good for up to 14 days after purchase, or two weeks. Even if you had your receipt, I still wouldn’t be able to return your purchase, because it happened over 21 days ago.”

Customer: “Well… that’s not very nice!”

Dogs Actually Do That?

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 24, 2018

In the UK, mandatory schooling finishes after the completion of GCSE exams, which are taken after two years of study. When my brother was picking his options for the GCSEs, my family had adopted a puppy from a specialist rescue charity for a particular breed of dog.

This puppy was teething when he came to our family. One day, my brother left his options paperwork on the dining table, and the dog got a hold of it. We came into the dining room one day to find it had been used as a chew toy; the largest part left had distinct bite marks, and paper was everywhere.

My mother told my brother to fetch his homework diary so she could write a note to the school to say that the dog chewed it and he needed a new one. Feeling silly I told my brother, “At least it wasn’t your homework.”

He didn’t get it until our mother told him that the dog eating your homework was the oldest excuse in the book.

Makes Your Stagnant Blood Boil

, , , , , , | Working | November 8, 2018

(Every grocery store has problems with things being put or left in the wrong place, and not just because of the customers. A coworker has brought some items up to the front desk, where I am working, so they can be returned to the right spot.)

Coworker: “You’ll never guess where I found those. They were shoved behind a box of chips down .”

Me: “You think that’s bad, I’ve found—”

Coworker: “I’ve found an open box of condoms down [same wrong aisle] before.”

Me: “Wow, that beats what I was going to say. I’ve found eaten chicken wings in that aisle. Someone’s been throwing the bones behind the stuff on the shelves.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I’ve seen that, too.”

(After that we go back to our separate jobs, until this happens a couple hours later. I walk up to my coworker, who is stocking shelves.)

Me: “Okay, I can beat it now.”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “I just had to clean up blood from the bottom of the food bank bin.”

Coworker: “WHAT?!”

(Apparently, some leaking meat had mistakenly been placed in the food bank bin instead of being taken back to the meat department. When this was noticed, the meat was removed and disposed of, and the bin taken to the back for cleaning… and then eventually returned to the front without ever being cleaned. The bin was then left there for two days, until I decided to look for the source of the terrible smell. This was definitely the worst incorrectly-placed item I’ve ever had to deal with.)

It’s A T(r)ap

, , , , , | Working | October 11, 2018

(I’m walking up to the Skytrain station so I can begin my commute for the day when I overhear this exchange between a station employee and a passenger struggling to get through the gates into the station. There appears to be a problem with the passenger’s transit card.)

Employee: “So, it looks like you tapped your card twice by accident; that’s why the gate wouldn’t let you through.”

(The employee uses his card to let the passenger through.)

Passenger: “Okay, thank you.” *walks into the station*

(The gates close behind the passenger, and the employee taps his card again to let himself through. The display lights up red, telling him his card has already been tapped.)

Employee: “Great, now I’m stuck.”

A Good Friend Helps You Bury A Body; A Great Friend Digs Them Up

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 21, 2018

(I’m talking to a colleague about a house that my parents looked at, but didn’t get. It’s just past a graveyard and is suspected of having pauper’s graves on the land.)

Me: “My parents would’ve liked to extend the place, but they’d be denied planning permission because of the high chance of digging up an unmarked grave.”

Colleague: “A friend of mine has the correct authority to exhume and move a grave; I could’ve asked him for a favour.”

Me: “I doubt he’d do 100 as a favour.”

Colleague: “Oh…”

(I told this story to my dad, who told me that the estimated body count on that land had gone up tenfold since I first heard it.)