Scoring Tenth Out Of Ten

, , , , | Related | January 22, 2019

(I was having issues with my siblings not chipping into petrol costs, so I used to deliberately run it down once a month to force my brother to chip in. One day, he had to chip in to see himself home, the next day this happens:)

Brother: “What happened to the petrol I put in the car!?”

Me: “How much did you put into it?”

Brother: “£5 worth.”

Me: “It costs me £50 to fill the tank! You’re not going to get far on something that meager!”

(I’m so glad I moved out and don’t share a car with him anymore.)

Wanted To Have The Last Bad Word

, , , , , | Legal | January 17, 2019

(I’ve been getting a lot of scam calls since I’ve been on maternity leave, with various claims. This call is the third in one morning, and I’ve had enough.)

Scammer: “I’m calling from [Telecom Provider]. Your Internet is about to be cut off.”

Me: “This is ridiculous; it’s obviously a scam. Please stop calling me. Don’t you have anything better to do? Just f*** off and get a life!” *hangs up*

(Two minutes later the phone rings again.)

Scammer: “F*** you, too!” *hangs up*

Me: *laughs*

(The scammer was actually so upset that he rang back just to say that!)

Little Orange Lies

, , , , , | Right | December 22, 2018

(I work in the bar of a restaurant. Part of my job includes receiving orders via ticket from the waitresses, making the drinks, and serving them. I get a ticket: orange and passion fruit J2O, and a Carlsberg. The J2O in question is served with ice and a slice of orange. I take the tray to the table.)

Me: “Good evening. The J2O?”

Man: “That’s hers.” *indicates woman next to him*

Me: “There you are.” *hands her drink and glass*

Woman: *pushes it away* “No, no, no! I am allergic; no orange!” *takes drinks bottle*

Me: “Oh, okay. I’m sorry about that. I’ll get you a fresh glass.”

(On returning to the table with a fresh glass without a slice of orange, it dawned on me that her drink also contained orange. Since she was there another hour or so without any need for medical assistance, I’m assuming she wasn’t actually allergic.)

Racists Just Need Some Love

, , , , , | Working | December 13, 2018

(I work in customer service with a girl who is unfortunately very racist. When she’s not serving customers, I often have to hear her vile, disgusting, racist rants. To her credit, however, when the topic of conversation isn’t about race or culture, she is somewhat tolerable.)

Coworker: “Guess what? I recently started dating a guy, and we really hit it off! We decided to start going out for real, now!”

Me: “Oh, wow, that’s great. Congratulations.”

Coworker: “I just have to tell you more about him! His name’s [Boyfriend], and not only is he charming and handsome, he’s also the sweetest guy I’ve ever met!”

(I take a moment to contemplate what is going on. The name she mentioned sounds distinctly ethnic, and it just so happens to be from her least favorite ethnic group.)

Me: “Wait a minute. I’m really happy for you and your new boyfriend, but you said his name was [Boyfriend], correct?”

Coworker: “Yeah. Why?”

Me: “I thought you hated brown people?”

Coworker: “I thought I did, too, but he somehow managed to convince me otherwise. If they’re capable of being as sweet as him, then they can’t all be bad!”

(Wow. I’m really happy that she’s no longer racist, or at least less so, but talk about doing a complete 180!)

Unfiltered Story #131676

, , | Unfiltered | December 9, 2018

(A group of friends and I just placed an order for collection from a pizza place round the corner. They have a special collection offer for £5 per pizza, and the site is also running an additional 20% off offer if you spend over £30. Consequently I add a few items to get it over that. I receive a phone call a few minutes after placing the order.)

Worker – We have to reject your order. The offer you’ve used isn’t valid.

Me – (forgetting about the 20% off) No, it’s okay, we’re coming to pick them up.

Worker – No, that offer isn’t valid for collection.

Me – Your collection offer isn’t valid for collection.

(This goes on for several minutes.)

Worker – No, maam. The offer isn’t valid. It clearly states it’s only valid for delivery.

Me – (finally finding the bit about the other offer) Oh. Ohhhh. Oh. Sorry! Can we just bring the extra cash when we come pick it up.

Worker – (possibly slightly exasperated) Sure.

(I’m not normally that blonde, honest!)