Not Receiving Instructions

, , , , , | | Working | August 20, 2019

(My coworker is a nice guy, and a really hard worker, but is sometimes a little slow on the uptake. I’m the shipper, he’s the receiver, and we share a workspace, so messages are usually left with both of us regardless of who they are for. Our manager has told us that she is expecting a personal package, and that either of us is allowed to sign for it.)

Coworker: *going through some packages he just signed for* “So, [Manager]’s package… Will it have her name on it?”

Me: “Probably.”

Coworker: “Because this one says $39.46… Is that it?”

Me: “Is [Manager]’s name $39.46?”

Coworker: “No. But it says that, and [Company].”

Me: “Then that is not [Manager]’s package.”

Coworker: “Oh. Okay. So, what should I do with this?”

Me: “Receive it?”

Coworker: “Oh. Okay.”

Totally Estúpido! Part 7

, , , , , | | Right | July 25, 2019

(I handle the phone and the till at a sushi takeaway. All our menu items are numbered, so I can enter them in the till from that. Shortly before closing, two girls and a guy come in, all speaking Spanish.)

Me: “The menus are there. Please let me know if you have any questions or are ready to order.”

Guy: “Sure…”

(He switches back to Spanish and his tone is belligerent for a moment before the two girls snicker. They discuss the menu a little longer before the man turns back to me.)

Guy: “Okay, we want a 74, a 75, 83, 62…”

Me: “Whoa, hey, sorry, the till doesn’t go that fast. Can you say that again, please?”

Guy: “Sure. Idiota lenta…” *slow idiot…*

Me: “Ah, tómate tu tiempo. No hay prisa.” *Ah, take your time. There’s no rush.*

(The man’s jaw hit the floor, and the two girls started dying of laughter. I finished their order and they opted to wait outside while the kitchen made it. I was working the next day, too, and lo and behold, he was back with one of the girls. He looked sheepish the whole time and they both made sure to only speak English.)

Related:
Totally Estupido, Part 6
Totally Estupido, Part 5
Totally Estupido, Part 4

Confusion Of The Traveling Shirts

, , , , , , | | Friendly | July 18, 2019

(I offer to clean some football shirts for my seven-year-old son’s team in our village. One of the mothers says they will send someone to pick them up next Sunday at noon. About that time, the doorbell rings and my son and I go to answer the door. The woman standing there is too young to be a mother. I assume she is maybe an older sister. She is carrying a bag containing some bulky items.)

Me: *to son* “What do you say?”

My Son: *handing the clothes over in a shopping bag* “Here you go.”

(The young woman looks surprised for a moment, before she smiles, takes the bag, thanks my son, and walks away. Twenty minutes later, one of the mothers comes to the door.)

Mother: “Hi, I’m here to pick up the clothes.”

Me: *confused* “But you just sent someone.”

Mother: *just as puzzled* “No, I didn’t.”

(I go into panic mode, and start feeling a little embarrassed. I immediately tell her everything that happened. The neighbour, hearing us talking loudly, interrupts and says that a young woman just gave her some goods she had ordered that matched the description. Another neighbour says that the woman in question was selling goods to various houses in our street.)

Mother: *loudly* “YOU GAVE OUR CLOTHES AWAY TO A SALESWOMAN?!”

(A third neighbour, as told to us the following day, had also ordered some goods. The woman giving them to her had asked if she also wanted to buy some clothes for “a cheaper price.” The neighbour brought the clothes for £20.)

Ya Think?!

, , , , , | | Working | July 15, 2019

(I am put on the rota for a day that I requested off, as some executives from head office are coming in and I was noted by our manager for being a good ambassador for the site. This conversation happens after the executives leave on the day. Staff can request days off in their normal availability by penciling the date in a diary in the manager’s office.)

Manager: “They told me you perform well but didn’t feel like you wanted to be here.”

Me: *deadpan* “I requested today off to observe the first anniversary of my uncle’s death with my loved ones, but was told I couldn’t have it because [Executives] were coming.”

Manager: “Oh…”

Immigration Check-Mate

, , , , , , , | | Friendly | May 24, 2019

(It is a hot day, and I’m in a long queue at the checkout. There is a very well-dressed woman in front of me with a baby carriage. She is in no way shabby — she has an expensive haircut, designer clothes, and unique jewelry — and she seems to be in her early twenties. In the carriage is a very well-behaved baby munching on a piece of cucumber. An elderly lady in front of the young woman turns to her.)

Old Lady: “Do you want to go before me? I see you only have a few items.”

Young Woman: *smiling, with a strange accent* “Thank you kindly, but I cannot accept that. You are very nice, though.”

Old Lady: “It is no problem, I assure you. You should head home with the baby as soon as possible in this heat!”

(The young woman accepts the offer after a few more arguments, and then helps the lady load her own groceries on the belt. They are chatting meanwhile, and the young woman, while she has a strong accent, speaks English pretty well, and politely and eagerly makes small talk about the little boy with the lady. Another man from behind me butts in, shouting at the old lady.)

Man: “Don’t pamper that bloody immigrant! They are doing nothing more than taking our jobs and living out of benefits!”

(It is very obvious that the young lady is not on benefits. She jerks from the yelling, and the baby also starts crying, which makes the man yell more.)

Me: “Hey, that’s rude!”

Man: “Shut up! She is doing nothing more than leeching on us citizens!”

(The young woman picks up the baby and turns around, beet red with anger.)

Young Woman: “Let me stop you right there. Unless you are a professor of [extremely obscure scientific field] or at least a fellow teacher at [University], I am not taking your job, and I was never on benefits, not here nor at home. Besides, this baby is a citizen; he is the son of my friend, and I am just babysitting him until the semester starts. But I have to say, if you are so afraid of me taking your job, you must be crap at it.”

(The man started spluttering and tried to curse at her, but the young woman turned away as it was her turn for the cashier. The old lady started to comfort her and the baby, and they left together, the young woman helping to carry the old woman’s groceries. The man tried to harvest some sympathy, but everyone turned away. Served him well!)

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