The First Amendment Is On Holiday

| Tampa, FL, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s the holiday season and I am Jewish. For the holidays I am allowed to wear a little pin dreidel that flashes little lights when I turn it on. Out of respect for other people’s differences of religion, I choose to opt out of saying “Merry Christmas” and instead just wish a “Happy Holidays” to everyone. A customer has just finished paying for their groceries and I have bagged everything myself, since we were short on baggers.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, you have a wonderful day and Happy Holidays!”

Customer: “No, young lady! You said it wrong! It is not Happy Holidays; it’s Merry Christmas! Honestly! You need to quit being such a terrorist! People like you are tearing this country apart!”

Me: *very confused* “Excuse me? How am I a terrorist?!

Customer: “You need to learn how to accept Christ and the Constitution in your heart and stop this hateful and destructive behavior! We need to keep the Christ in Christmas!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I am sorry if I offended you. But, Jewish and I don’t celebrate Christmas. I just try to—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “OH, MY GOD!! Does your manager know?!”

(She scoffs and leaves the store muttering how she’s never going to shop here again. The customer behind her walks up to the register shaking his head.)

Customer #2: “Christ and the Constitution? Apparently she doesn’t know what the First Amendment is.”

Not Quite A Toast To Intelligence

| Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Two employees who speak minimal English seemed to be having difficulty dealing with a customer. I go over to see if I can help.)

Me: “Hi. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for uncooked toast.”

Me: “You mean bread? Our bakery de—”

Customer: “No. uncooked toast.”

(I am momentarily stumped. Then…)

Me: “Can you describe uncooked toast?”

Customer: “Yeah, It comes in slices, and you can put four of them in the toaster.”

Me: “Yeah, I think we have that…”

(I show him a package of sliced bread.)

Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Yes, finally.”

(He leaves. I turn to coworkers.)

Me: “Sliced bread. He wanted sliced bread…”

No Excuse For Bad Behavior

| London, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior

(I am walking past as a customer who is trying to get the manager’s attention.)

Customer: *practically shouting* “EXCUSE ME? HELLO?!”

Manager: “Is that how you talk to people?”

Customer: “Well, you were ignoring me.”

Manager: “I didn’t realise you were talking to me, but is that how you talk to people?”

Customer: “Well, I needed to know something.”

Manager: “I don’t care if I work here or not. You don’t talk to people like that, so, no, I won’t be helping you.”

(I smiled at the manager and thought, good for him, not letting the customer talk to him like crap!)

Dealing With A Spot Of Bother

| Bristol, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I work in a small store, and I find that customers talk to the staff more than anywhere I’ve worked. I currently have a fairly large spot in the middle of my forehead, which I am too lazy to cover with makeup but no one has commented on all night. An hour before we close, this happens:)

Customer: “You look like you’ve been shot in the head!”

Me: “Mhm…”

Customer: “I’d know; I used to be a police officer.”

Me: *nods, clearly uncomfortable as he’s speaking quite loudly in a small store*

Customer: “Well, you ladies have a nice night now! Look after that bullet wound!” *laughs and leaves*

Coworker: *to me* “…I hope he gets shot in the head.”

Can’t Talk Your Way Out Of That One

| Methuen, MA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I’m scanning a customer’s groceries. Everything is going normally, and then she says out of the blue:)

Customer: “Do you like my shirt?”

(It’s a shirt for a cancer awareness walk.)

Me: “Sure, it’s a nice shirt.”

Customer: “Yeah. I had cancer, you know.”

Me: “Oh, no! But you’re cancer-free now, I hope?”

Customer: “Yes. But I don’t like to talk about it.”

Me: “…Have a nice day.”

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