Going On A Nutty Trip

| Australia | Health & Body, Language & Words

(I work at a large supermarket franchise and our store is quite big so we often get people asking where things are.)

Old Woman: “Hi, can you help me? I’m looking for this nut mix stuff; I think it has almonds and linseed in it.”

Me: “Do you know what it might be called or what brand it might be?”

Old Woman: “Well, I think it was an acronym. I think it was called LSD.”

Me: “…Uh, do you mean LSA?”

Old Woman: “Yes, that’s it!” *after a few moments* “LSD’s a drug, isn’t it?”

Got Yourself Carded

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(After a long shift I decide to purchase some groceries from the supermarket where I work. The woman in front of me has her shopping rung up and presents my newly-trained coworker with a staff discount card. I don’t recognize the woman and assume her to be from another one of our stores.)

Coworker: *has attempted to swipe the discount card three times without success* “Um, just give me a second.”

Woman: “All right.”

Coworker: *she proceeds to swipe it two more times through the till* “Sorry, it doesn’t seem to be working.”

Me: “Let me have a look.” *my coworker hands over the card for my inspection and I’m dumbfounded by what I find* “Madam, this is my card.”

Woman: “No, it’s mine.”

Me: “Madam, I reported this card missing just yesterday. It has my name and employee number on the front.”

Woman: “Ah.” *she proceeds out of the store doing the fastest running walk I have ever seen*

Not A Fruitful Theft

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My boss is quite good at the whole catching-people-stealing thing. He gets pretty fed up with it all the time but usually see the funny side of what people try to steal.)

Boss: *on the phone* “Hey, [My Name], keep an eye on the family in the fruit section right now. They picked up some meat and some soft drink bottles, but I can’t see where they put them. Might just be under the pram, but check when they come though.”

(The family comes up to my coworkers till, so I take over.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Mother: “Fine.”

Me: “Well, that’s good. Just the banana and apples today?”

Mother: “Yes.”

(Having spied the top of a coke bottle sticking out from a baby’s blanket, I decide to politely point it out.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, that coke bottle; I did not see you come in with it. Did you just forget to add it?”

Mother: “You stupid b****, I came in with it. Just what are you accusing me of?”

Me: “I did not mean to offend, but often people just simply forget.”

Mother: “It’s from home. Now hurry up, silly girl, and don’t you smart mouth me again.”

(At this point my boss has quietly come from the back and stands behind me.)

Boss: “You can hand back the meat in your son’s pants as well.”

Mother: “YOU RACIST PIG!”

Boss: “Well, I have you on camera attempting to steal, so either drop what you have now and get out, or pay for everything and get out, but in any case do not ever come back into my store or I will call the police.”

Mother: “I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!”

Boss “I’m sure the police won’t agree with you. OUT!”