Very Home Free

| UK | Bizarre

(I am the customer, in a supermarket with my mother. We’ve just finished paying for our shopping and I’m making my way out. My mother has stopped to talk to someone. There are two sales people at the front door. One approaches:)

Salesperson: “Would you like to hear out new electricity deals?”

(Instead of saying that I don’t handle the bills in our house I scream:)

Me: “I DON’T HAVE A HOME!”

(I then ran past the poor man with my cart.)

Ukraizy

| NY, USA | Geography, History

(I am buying a newspaper, in addition to other things, which has an article about the Ukraine on the front.)

Customer: “You know, you kids should really be worrying more.”

Me: “Oh? Why is that?”

Customer: “Because World War Three is coming.”

Me: *laughing* “Well, I’m not so much the military type. I suppose I’ll just go hide in Canada.”

Customer: “Oh, you think that! But Canada is voting soon to leave the Commonwealth! They want to be part of Russia!”

Me: *thoroughly confused* “Really? I suppose that puts Alaska in an awkward position.”

Customer: “You don’t even know!”

(After this, she went on for several minutes about assorted crackpot political theories. I felt bad for the people waiting.)

At Last They See The Light

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Popular

(I am on register in the last 10 minutes before my shift ends, so I turn the light off on my line, letting them know I am closing. Two customers, #1 and #2, are my last. I am helping Customer #1 understand the pin-pad, and when I pull back I see a third customer with a very filled cart, loading the belt with her things.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, I’m closed.”

Customer #3: “What?”

Me: *I point to my lane number, which is off* “I’m closing. I’m sorry but I have to close.”

Customer #3: “You didn’t say anything before. I already started unloading.”

Me: “That’s because I was helping this customer with the pin-pad, ma’am.”

Customer #3: “Well, I didn’t see anything saying you were closed. There was no sign!”

Me: “Usually, there are signs we put on the belt, but they are too few and most are broken. Most customers know that when the light is off, the lane isn’t taking anyone.”

Customer #3: “Well, who looks at the light?”

Me, Customers #1 and #2: “EVERYBODY!”

(We didn’t shout this but with all three of us at the same time, it came off as very clear. Customer #3 blushed and left my line.)

Can’t Use The Beer-Code

| Bristol, England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(On a busy Sunday, we are short staffed on the tills and my manager jumps on a till to give us a hand. A customer comes up to him and hands him a piece of folded newspaper and a beer.)

Customer: “This is free, so just give me a bag and I’ll go.”

Manager: “Umm, I’m afraid you haven’t yet paid for your item, sir.”

Customer: “But I gave you a VOUCHER!”

(The manager unfolds the newspaper scrap which turns out to be a barcode (or most of one) and nothing else.)

Manager: “Sir, I can’t accept this; there is no voucher here. You can’t pay with barcodes.”

(The customer is now getting angry and agitated, and several customers behind him are starting to get impatient. So my manager attempts to scan the barcode “just this once”, but it is not recognised by the till.)

Manager: “Can I ask where you got this voucher, sir? It doesn’t seem to be on our system.”

Customer: *now red with anger* “I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU! *slams beer down on the til* “FINE! I’LL JUST LEAVE!”

(He stormed out of the shop, ranting about the “attitudes of the staff.” My manager and I shared a bewildered look with each other, and with some of the regulars waiting in the queue.)

Her Consideration Has Totally Checked Out

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(There are four self-checkout stations in this store; customers line up in one line for all four then go to whichever one is available. I am first in line with one gentleman behind me when a woman walks around us and stands directly behind another customer at the checkout. She stands so close that the other customer can barely move.)

Customer: *to me* “Oh, were you in line?”

Gentleman: “Yes, I am in line already and this young lady is ahead of both of us.”

Customer: *grinning* “I’m sorry!” *points to another checkout being used by another customer* “Look, that one’s open, you can go over there!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a man there still ringing up his groceries.”

Customer: “Oh! Well, sorry!”

(The customer grins again and moves even closer to the woman at the checkout, so that her chest is almost touching the woman’s back.)

Me: *to gentleman behind me* “You deal with her if you want. She’s in a bigger hurry than I am and I am in no mood for her brand of crazy.”

Gentleman: “Me neither!”

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