Keeping That Laundry Protected

, , , | Related | August 21, 2017

(I work in a highly Latin neighborhood, and many of my customers cannot speak a lick of English. My mother shops at a store next door to my plaza, and she has found that many of their employees are Latinos who are still learning English. I decide to join her after work one day.)

Mom: “I’m looking for the thing you put on the hose in the washing machine, but I don’t know what it’s called. Half the staff here don’t know, either; trust me, I’ve tried.”

(We continue shopping until my mother spots a middle-aged Caucasian woman.)

Mom: “Thank goodness! You’re white! I’m looking for laundry condoms.”

Reading Too Much Into This Reading Thing

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2017

(All our boneless, skinless chicken breasts are buy one, get one free. Included are regular, thin sliced, tenders, and family packs. We have small signs in front of all the boneless, and big signs on sign holders standing up in the case. A woman picks up two packages of chicken WINGS from further down the case and wants them for the buy one, get one free offer.)

Woman: “But why can’t I get these? The signs there say ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ and I want these wings!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the offer is only on boneless, skinless chicken BREASTS, not all the chicken at this time. See? The signs over here mention everything that’s included.”

Woman: “Well, that’s ridiculous! I want my wings for free! People shouldn’t have to READ when they shop!”

Employing An Old Strategy

| Springfield, MO, USA | Right | July 29, 2017

(I’m a bagger at a checkstand next to the one where this is going on.)

Cashier: “Your total’s $19.67, sir.”

Customer: “Hey, can you help me out?”

Cashier: “What do you need?”

Customer: “Can you apply your employee discount to this?”

Cashier: “Sir, I…”

Customer: “Please, I’m doing real badly. My wife and I are living out of a motel and barely have any money, and I’d really appreciate it.”

(This is a surprisingly common sob story we hear. It’s often baloney.)

Cashier: “Sir, I cannot apply an employee discount to your purchase.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand—”

Cashier: “Sir, we sell our items at a low markup and are an employee owned store. We don’t have an employee discount.”

(The customer gave her a $20 and left.)

Fuelling The Customer’s Entitlement

| Hythe, England, UK | Right | July 25, 2017

(We are running a promotion where if a customer spends £50 or more, they get a coupon allowing them 5p off per litre of fuel. We don’t have a petrol station, so customers have to travel to a store in the nearby town which does have one. A separate petrol station, owned by a completely different customer, is just down the road. A customer comes storming over to the customer service desk.)

Me: “How can I hel—”

Customer: “I just filled up my car and they won’t accept my coupon!”

Me: “Who won’t?”

Customer: “Down the road! I want a refund on the money I saved!”

(She hands me the coupon and her credit card receipt. Today is the last day it is valid.)

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but they won’t accept it because they are [Different Company] and we are [Our Company]. You can only use it in our petrol stations.”

Customer: “The cashier told me I could use it at the petrol station down the road!”

(I look at her coupon. It says the cashier number who issued it. I quickly check on the computer and find it is an experienced colleague who I know would not say something like that.)

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but there’s nothing I can do. If you had forgotten to use it at one of our stations I could refund the difference, but since you went to another company I can’t do that. Plus, this receipt just says how much you spent. It doesn’t say how many litres you used, so I wouldn’t know how much the discount was.”

Customer: “Disgusting! You will hear from me!”

(She stormed out. Later, she called the store and complained to a manager, who not only gave her £10 goodwill but told me off for not “giving her what she wanted.”)

Happy Meal

, , , , , | Related | July 25, 2017

(I am roughly five years old at the time and I am a curious child.)

Me: “Mummy, why do we buy chicken in the yellow packet and not the normal one?”

Mum: “Well, the chickens in the yellow packets were fed good food and lived in the country so they were very happy. So we only buy happy chickens.”

Me: “If they were so happy, why did we kill them?”

Mum: “Well…”

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