icon_crazyrequests

Coming Around To Not Coming Back

| Cheshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I am on the opening shift, which means I’m on my own on the tills for at least an hour. A woman approaches me.)

Woman: “Excuse me, can you tell me where [Product] is?”

Me: “If you go down the aisle on the far left and then take the first on your left, it should be on a shelf down there.”

Woman: “Can’t you take me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to stay on the tills.”

Woman: “Well, that’s no good!”

Me: “I could call a member of floor staff to take you there?”

Woman: “Don’t bother. I’m not coming back here again. The customer service is terrible.”

(She leaves in a huff, and another customer who was waiting just raises her eyebrows.)

Customer: “I bet you’re heartbroken that she’s not coming back, aren’t you?”

(I laughed.)

icon_fooddrink

The Funniest Things Can Just Turnip

| ME, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am a cashier at a grocery store in the middle of my shift when a lady in line unloads and then…)

Customer: *hands me a turnip* “Is this a cabbage?”

Me: “No, this is a turnip.”

Customer: “Well, this was over there with the cabbages and it was the only one there.”

Me: “A cabbage is green and leafy, like lettuce.”

Customer: “I thought it looked funny.”

icon_crazyrequests

The Cake Shop Is A Lie

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(It’s a week before our store closes. A few days ago, my manager told me not to take any more cake orders because we no longer have the supplies to properly decorate a cake. While cleaning up, the phone rings and I answer it.)

Me: “Bakery department. How may I help you?

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to put in a cake order for next Wednesday, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t take anymore cake orders due to the store closing soon.”

Customer: “Oh… but can you have it done by next Wednesday?”

Me: “Ma’am, I just said we can’t take anymore cake orders.”

Customer: “But I need a cake for next Wednesday. Can’t you do that?”

Me: “No, because we don’t have the supplies necessary to fill an order.”

Customer: *getting agitated* “Listen, here! I need a cake by next Wednesday and you should have it ready or I’ll—”

Me: “It won’t be ready by then because the store is going to be closed by that time.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you say so?”

Me: *face-palm*

icon_bizarresilly

Very Home Free

| UK | Bizarre

(I am the customer, in a supermarket with my mother. We’ve just finished paying for our shopping and I’m making my way out. My mother has stopped to talk to someone. There are two sales people at the front door. One approaches:)

Salesperson: “Would you like to hear out new electricity deals?”

(Instead of saying that I don’t handle the bills in our house I scream:)

Me: “I DON’T HAVE A HOME!”

(I then ran past the poor man with my cart.)

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Ukraizy

| NY, USA | Geography, History

(I am buying a newspaper, in addition to other things, which has an article about the Ukraine on the front.)

Customer: “You know, you kids should really be worrying more.”

Me: “Oh? Why is that?”

Customer: “Because World War Three is coming.”

Me: *laughing* “Well, I’m not so much the military type. I suppose I’ll just go hide in Canada.”

Customer: “Oh, you think that! But Canada is voting soon to leave the Commonwealth! They want to be part of Russia!”

Me: *thoroughly confused* “Really? I suppose that puts Alaska in an awkward position.”

Customer: “You don’t even know!”

(After this, she went on for several minutes about assorted crackpot political theories. I felt bad for the people waiting.)

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