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Very Home Free

| UK | Bizarre

(I am the customer, in a supermarket with my mother. We’ve just finished paying for our shopping and I’m making my way out. My mother has stopped to talk to someone. There are two sales people at the front door. One approaches:)

Salesperson: “Would you like to hear out new electricity deals?”

(Instead of saying that I don’t handle the bills in our house I scream:)

Me: “I DON’T HAVE A HOME!”

(I then ran past the poor man with my cart.)

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Ukraizy

| NY, USA | Geography, History

(I am buying a newspaper, in addition to other things, which has an article about the Ukraine on the front.)

Customer: “You know, you kids should really be worrying more.”

Me: “Oh? Why is that?”

Customer: “Because World War Three is coming.”

Me: *laughing* “Well, I’m not so much the military type. I suppose I’ll just go hide in Canada.”

Customer: “Oh, you think that! But Canada is voting soon to leave the Commonwealth! They want to be part of Russia!”

Me: *thoroughly confused* “Really? I suppose that puts Alaska in an awkward position.”

Customer: “You don’t even know!”

(After this, she went on for several minutes about assorted crackpot political theories. I felt bad for the people waiting.)

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At Last They See The Light

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Popular

(I am on register in the last 10 minutes before my shift ends, so I turn the light off on my line, letting them know I am closing. Two customers, #1 and #2, are my last. I am helping Customer #1 understand the pin-pad, and when I pull back I see a third customer with a very filled cart, loading the belt with her things.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, I’m closed.”

Customer #3: “What?”

Me: *I point to my lane number, which is off* “I’m closing. I’m sorry but I have to close.”

Customer #3: “You didn’t say anything before. I already started unloading.”

Me: “That’s because I was helping this customer with the pin-pad, ma’am.”

Customer #3: “Well, I didn’t see anything saying you were closed. There was no sign!”

Me: “Usually, there are signs we put on the belt, but they are too few and most are broken. Most customers know that when the light is off, the lane isn’t taking anyone.”

Customer #3: “Well, who looks at the light?”

Me, Customers #1 and #2: “EVERYBODY!”

(We didn’t shout this but with all three of us at the same time, it came off as very clear. Customer #3 blushed and left my line.)