Getting A Red Flag Here

| Doncaster, England, UK | Bizarre, Technology

(Less than a week ago my store had a new till opening system installed. After years of cashiers having to call out to customers which tills were opening, we now have a panel of buttons to press that makes the opening till’s number light up green instead of red. This is accompanied by an overly-polite automated message for customers over a P.A. system.)

Customer: *gesturing to the green, lit-up till number at the end of his transaction* “This is all very modern isn’t it?”

(I agree and say how it’ll hopefully make things a bit easier for the customers when we’re opening and closing tills.)

Customer: “So what does it mean then? Red and green?”

Me: *deadpan* “Red means closed and green means open.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Thank you.” *walks away from till to leave store*

Colleague On Till Behind Mine: “I REALLY hope he didn’t drive here today!”

The Strongest Generation

| The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(I am 16 years old and helping my grandpa shop in the supermarket near closing time. My grandpa survived the Second World War. He survived being captured by Germans, at 16 years old, and lived through forced labor, starvation, and the eventual fighting to liberate the Netherlands, at 21 years old. As an older man, 82 at the time, he is still quite fit, tall, and strong.)

Grandpa: “[My Name], can you go and get some ham and cheese for me? I’ll get the bread so we can make some grilled cheese and ham sandwiches for lunch tomorrow.”

Me: “Awesome! I’m on it, gramps!”

(I make my way to the aisle that contains the ham and cheese and find only one package each of ham and the cheese left. I luck out, as it’s near closing time. I pick them both up and turn around only to find myself surrounded by three guys. )

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, you can actually. You can start by giving us your ham and cheese.” *makes a grabbing motion*

Me: “What? No! Why would I give this to you? I obviously intend to buy this.”

Customer #2: “Shut up! Just give us the d*** ham and cheese.”

Customer #3: “We could always just kick your a** and take it from you?”

(At this point I’m absolutely astounded. Not only am I being “robbed” in the middle of a supermarket, but they don’t want my money; they want the darn ham and cheese. Before I could even say another thing, a soft but deep voice speaks to them.)

Grandpa: “I ask you kindly to leave my grandson alone.”

(All three “customers” turn around in sync and see my grandpa standing there, smiling at them.)

Customer #2: “Or what? You’ll give us an ear full and scold us?”

Customer #1: “F*** off, old man.”

(At this point the first guy grabs my arm and is trying to take away the groceries. When this happens, my grandpa leaves his cart and walks straight past the first two guys. He grabs the guy by his shoulder, then his wrist, and pulls it back in one fluent motion. The guy screeches in pain as he gets slammed into the nearby doors.)

Grandpa: “I’ll ask again. Leave my grandson alone.” *turns to the other two* “I suggest you move away or I’ll break this guys arm.” *pulls it a little*

Customer #1: “Ow, ow, ow! Stop it! You’re bending my arm too far!”

Worker: “What’s going on here?!”

Customer #2: “F*** this. Let’s get the h*** out of here.”

Customer #3: “Let’s go, man.”

Worker: *through a wall phone* “Hello, boss? Yeah, I’ve got some hooligans here who seem to be attacking some of our customers. Can you call the cops?”

Customer #2: “I’m out!”

(Grandpa lets go of Customer #1 and they all make a run for it.)

Customer #1: “F*** you guys!”

(All three then bolt towards the main exit.)

Worker: *obviously concerned* “Are you guys okay?!”

Me: “I’m good, just a little surprised by my grandpa’s quick moves.”

Grandpa: “Hey! I might be old, but that doesn’t mean I’m slow! Besides, they were bullying my grandson.”

Me: “More like robbing me… for ham and cheese of all things!”

Worker: “Are you serious? They weren’t after your money… they were after your groceries?”

(I nod.)

Worker: “That’s insane! They are in a supermarket, for god’s sake!”

Grandpa: “The stupidity of people will never cease to amaze me.”

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Targeting The Wrong Worker

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(While I typically don’t, my sisters and mother-in-law like to go do the Black Friday sales after Thanksgiving every year and they’ve invited me to join them. Since I enjoy bonding with them, I decide to go. I am wearing a red t-shirt. We’re currently in K-mart, where the employees wear blue, and I’m looking at some sport-themed blankets when another customer comes to stand by me.)

Customer: “Hmmm…”

Me: *still looking*

Customer: *loudly clears throat*

Me: *glances at her before going back to looking*

Customer: “Excuse me, I need to find [Item].”

Me: “Oh… ma’am, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “But you’re wearing red…” *she finally gets a good look at my shirt, which has a ninja on the front*

Customer: “I’m not in Target anymore, am I?”

Me: “No… No, you’re not.”

Keeping Children In Order Is A Monstrous Feet

| Woodstock, GA, USA | Family & Kids

(I am working at the deli counter with a large glass case displaying all of our products which can be cut to order. A customer places his order and, as I get to work on it, his maybe five-year-old daughter leans up against my freshly cleaned display case with hands and face against it. Nothing new to me, but perhaps I made a face about it.)

Father: *with a smile* “Now, now, don’t lean up against the glass or the nice man there is going to take you out back and chop your feet off!”

Daughter: *staring up at me then her father* “No, he won’t!”

Father: “He just might!”

Talking Udder Nonsense

| UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(A frosty customer comes in, and asks for the dairy-free brochure. I oblige and talk her through some of our more popular dairy-free dishes, sorted by meat. It’s late in the day and I’m not feeling my best; needless to say, I let myself slip a bit.)

Me: “This [beef dish] here is dairy free.”

Customer: “How can it be?”

Me: “Because it doesn’t contain any dairy products.”

Customer: “But beef is cows and cows are dairy, so how can you possibly claim that?!”

Me: “Well, as it’s beef, it is indeed cows, but it doesn’t have any milk products.”

Customer: “But all cows are dairy!”

Me: *accidentally saying with a sarcastic tone* “Only the female ones, madam.”

(At this point I think that the lady is going to have a go at me; her face is creased and her brows are furrowed. I realise instantly that I’ve said something without thinking. Suddenly her face brightens.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay, then; I just didn’t want any dairy.”

(She grabbed the meal and rushed to the till. Phew! I escaped that one!)

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