Denser Than The Dough

, | FL, USA | Right | August 3, 2015

(I work in the bakery department of a rather large supermarket chain. We are one of the few remaining chains in the area with a fresh bakery: our breads are made from scratch every morning. We have a particularly smug customer who always thinks he is right about everything. Normally he complains about the prices on products, expecting the prices to never change… ever.)

Customer: “Do you have any Mountain Bread?”

(This type of bread is a round loaf cut in a particular way with flour on top to make it look like the snow on a mountain. It is extremely popular.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we ran sold out of that today. But if you would like to buy this loaf here—” *I gesture to an Italian loaf* “—it is the exact same bread. It is just a different shape.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! It tastes completely different. The dough is nothing alike!”

Me: “I assure you sir, they are exactly the same.”

Customer: “NO, THEY AREN’T! I KNOW MY BREAD AND THESE ARE NOT THE SAME! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?! I’M AN EXPERT WITH BREAD!”

Me: “And I know MY bread as I made these both this very morning, and I assure you the dough for both is made in one giant batch. We set aside some of it to make into round Mountain loafs and some of it to be set aside for the more standard Italian loaves. It is the exact same dough; the only difference is that the Mountain bread gets flour on top. That is it.”

Customer: “YOU’RE WRONG! THE DOUGH IS NOTHING ALIKE!”

Me: *fed up* “How about you try a piece?”

(I take a loaf from the shelf and offer him a slice. He takes the slice and takes a bite.)

Customer: “…I guess it is close… BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME!” *he takes a loaf and leaves*

Me: *to a coworker* “What part of I MADE THIS and IT COMES FROM THE SAME BATCH was so hard to understand?”

Coworker: “Some people are just dense…”

(The customer still shops in my store, though he hasn’t had any big issues like this in quite some time.)

Under New But Same Management

| UK | Working | July 22, 2015

(In the supermarket in which I work each department has it’s own office. I am only 19 but have recently been promoted to become the manager of my department, and I am also today’s duty manager. About half an hour before we open in the morning I have already completed my departments opening tasks and I am sat with the checkout supervisor at her desk with my feet up. Each department wears different colour name badges.)

Checkout Supervisor: “Hey, [Home and Leisure supervisor] looks angry.”

(She storms over to us.)

H&L Supervisor: “You guys are so f****** lazy. You never do any work and take all the credit for everything.”

Me: “Excuse me, but I’ve already–”

H&L Supervisor: *interrupts* “No. Don’t give me your stupid f***ing excuses. Go and do your godd*** job. I’ll be talking to your manager when she’s in.” *storms off again*

(A few hours later, the store is open and I am catching up on some paperwork in my office while the supervisor under me keeps an eye on things. The H&L Supervisor from earlier bursts in unannounced.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve come to complain about one of my employees, I presume?”

H&L Supervisor: *you can see her face fall* “Umm…” *walks out*

Totally Over The Leftovers

| FL, USA | Working | July 22, 2015

(I work in the deli section of my store. At 8 pm, we remove all the unsold food from our hot case and wing bar to throw it out. We have dumped all that food into a cardboard box which is sitting on a cart behind the counter but haven’t thrown it out yet. Ten minutes later, I see two cashiers from the front end picking through the old wings at the top of the pile of old food and putting them in to-go boxes.)

Me: “You don’t want those.”

Cashier #1: “Yeah, we do.”

Cashier #2: “They look like they’re still good to me.”

Me: “That’s gross. They’re all hard and crusty and old.”

Cashier #1: “That’s what she said!”

Me: *shuddering* “God, I hope she didn’t say that!”

Solid Parenting

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Related | July 8, 2015

(A young couple with their six-month-old are in my line. They’re discussing how expensive their shop is.)

Wife: “It’s the baby formula that does it. Without that it would be under a hundred dollars.”

(The husband, in a wondrous example of a dad joke, turns to the infant.)

Husband: “Yeah. Hurry up and eat solids, will you?”

Hey, [His Name]

, | Australia | Right | June 30, 2015

(At my deli we have a worker named Naim. We pronounce it exactly the same as the word ‘name.’)

Customer: “How long till the hot chickens come out?”

Coworker #1: “I’m not sure. Hey, Naim, do you know?”

Coworker #2: “Half an hour, I think—”

Customer: “That’s INCREDIBLY rude! Are you just too lazy to learn his name?”

Coworker #2: “But… that is my name.”

(He shows the customer his name tag, and she immediately brightens and apologises.)

Coworker #1: *starts laughing* “If I call anyone Nametag then I’ll be in trouble.” *turns to me* “Right, Nametag?”

(I can’t help but giggle, and the customer just rolls her eyes and walks away.)

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