In For A Penny…

, , , , , | Right | February 5, 2018

(Working at a meat counter, I have long since come to terms with the fact that many apparently functional adults have no idea what a pound is, or a kilogram, either, for that matter, but this episode stands out in my memory. The customer looks to be about 25 or so.)

Customer: “What does 200 grams of ground chicken look like?”

Me: *puts some ground chicken in a bag and weighs it* “This is 220 grams.”

Customer: “Oh, no. I wanted pounds.”

Me: “Okay, sure. How many pounds? Two?”

Customer: “No, two hundred.”

Me: “You want 200 pounds of ground chicken.”

Customer: *with absolute conviction* “Yes.”

Me: *long pause* “Okay. Well, we don’t have that much in the store. We can probably order it in for you, but it’ll be a few days.”

Customer: *gets confused look* “What? Wait. How much is a pound?”

Me: *holds up same bag of chicken* “This is half a pound.”

Customer: “Oh! No, I’ll have two pounds, then.”

Me: “Two pounds, I can do.”

Maybe That Cafe Should Stay Closed

, , , , | Working | February 5, 2018

Our store is having quite a large refurbishment and my manager asked me to create some signs for the cafe and deli counter which read, “Due to the refurbishment of the store, the cafe and deli areas will close on [date] and reopen on [date]. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.”

I’m not the best speller. I type the sign, spell-check it, print it, and show it to my manager, who okays it. I put the signs out all along the deli counter and on the tables, till, and the counter in the cafe.

About two to three hours later I get a phone call from the cafe manager about my signs. Apparently, where “inconvenience” usually appears at the top of the list on the spell check, this time I’d spelt it so badly that the spell check came back with “incontinence” as the top choice. My sign read, “We apologise for any incontinence caused.”

Oh, My Gourd: Seriously?, Part 2

, , , , | Right | February 1, 2018

It is a busy day working on the self-scan machines. A customer asks me to help her, as she can’t find the produce item she needs.

Most of our produce isn’t barcoded, so you need to select the item from a list on the screen. Everything is listed alphabetically and categorized by letter.

The item she couldn’t find? Cucumbers, as they weren’t listed under “Q.”

Oh My Gourd: Seriously?

This Store Is All Going To Pot(ty)

, , , , | Right | January 23, 2018

(I work at the deli in a supermarket in a small town. The following is something I overhear whilst on my lunch break. My manager comes into the staff room and starts talking to some of the other managers.)

Deli Manager: “I just caught a customer putting down a potty and trying to potty train their kid down aisle four!” *the fresh meat aisle* “They had toilet paper with them and everything! I was almost afraid to approach her. I can see the newspaper headlines now: ‘[Store Chain] Against Potty Training!’”

(I still don’t know what my manager said to the customer or how they responded, but it is the weirdest thing I’ve heard during all the years I’ve worked at that store.)

Playing Phone Gag

, , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(A customer has put her shopping basket on the conveyor belt. I take it after scanning her groceries through and notice a mobile at the bottom.)

Me: “Here, you’ve forgotten your phone.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks.” *nonchalantly sticks the phone inside her bra*

(I emptied a bottle of hand sanitiser after that.)

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