When An Express Lane Is Not An Express Lane

, , , | Right | August 25, 2017

(I am a customer in the 15 or fewer lane. In front of me there’s a lady with way over 30 items in her basket. To make it even worse, she’s on her phone as her turn arrives, and picks 15 items from her basket to the counter.)

Cashier: “Will that be all?”

(The lady on the phone doesn’t acknowledge her, and just nods, so the cashier puts the basket away.)

Cashier: “Next in line?”

(As I go and run my products through, the lady is standing still there finishing the call, and cuts in during my purchase.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m not done. What did you do to the rest of my stuff?”

Cashier: “You just picked 15, so i assumed that’s what you were buying.”

Customer: “No, this is a 15 lane, so I need to pass all my products 15 at a time. I’m buying all of it.”

(And that’s how I witnessed a customer who believed they had bypassed the system.)

Not Worth Moan(a)ing About

, , , , | Romantic | August 23, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are hanging around the toy section of a supermarket. There is a stuffed Hei Hei [the derpy chicken from “Moana”] that makes noise when you press it. Of course, my boyfriend presses it, and the chicken screams. We have gone further down the store, and can still hear it screaming.)

Me: “You unleashed the evilest thing in the store.”

Boyfriend: *singing* “Well, what can I say except ‘you’re welcome’? I made you laugh; I’m off the hook. Get it?”

Keeping That Laundry Protected

, , , | Related | August 21, 2017

(I work in a highly Latin neighborhood, and many of my customers cannot speak a lick of English. My mother shops at a store next door to my plaza, and she has found that many of their employees are Latinos who are still learning English. I decide to join her after work one day.)

Mom: “I’m looking for the thing you put on the hose in the washing machine, but I don’t know what it’s called. Half the staff here don’t know, either; trust me, I’ve tried.”

(We continue shopping until my mother spots a middle-aged Caucasian woman.)

Mom: “Thank goodness! You’re white! I’m looking for laundry condoms.”

Reading Too Much Into This Reading Thing

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2017

(All our boneless, skinless chicken breasts are buy one, get one free. Included are regular, thin sliced, tenders, and family packs. We have small signs in front of all the boneless, and big signs on sign holders standing up in the case. A woman picks up two packages of chicken WINGS from further down the case and wants them for the buy one, get one free offer.)

Woman: “But why can’t I get these? The signs there say ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ and I want these wings!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the offer is only on boneless, skinless chicken BREASTS, not all the chicken at this time. See? The signs over here mention everything that’s included.”

Woman: “Well, that’s ridiculous! I want my wings for free! People shouldn’t have to READ when they shop!”

Employing An Old Strategy

| Springfield, MO, USA | Right | July 29, 2017

(I’m a bagger at a checkstand next to the one where this is going on.)

Cashier: “Your total’s $19.67, sir.”

Customer: “Hey, can you help me out?”

Cashier: “What do you need?”

Customer: “Can you apply your employee discount to this?”

Cashier: “Sir, I…”

Customer: “Please, I’m doing real badly. My wife and I are living out of a motel and barely have any money, and I’d really appreciate it.”

(This is a surprisingly common sob story we hear. It’s often baloney.)

Cashier: “Sir, I cannot apply an employee discount to your purchase.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand—”

Cashier: “Sir, we sell our items at a low markup and are an employee owned store. We don’t have an employee discount.”

(The customer gave her a $20 and left.)

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