You Either Fail Or Parsley

| Belgium | Working | February 17, 2015

(My coworker has been with us just over a week. Almost every fruit or vegetable at our store can be typed in with a short code at the register.)

Coworker: “Hey, do know the code for this big bushel of parsley? I can’t find it.”

(We were all amazed because we don’t sell parsley. We turned around and saw she was holding… broccoli! She left quite soon after.)

Keeping Account Of His Counting

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Working | February 8, 2015

(I drink large quantities of pop/soda. I went to the store to pick up a couple 12-packs, not grabbing a cart because I can carry them. They are out of my favorite, but have two-liter bottles on sale. I don’t want to get a cart, so I just pick up a box of eight of them.)

Cashier: “Dang, you got the whole box?”

Me: “I didn’t get a cart and was too lazy to walk and get one.”

Cashier: *takes one out and scans it 7 times* “Yeah, I get you man.” *pauses, then counts the bottles in the box under his breath* “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.”

(He proceeded to do this THREE times, even tapping the bottles as he counted. He put the eighth bottle in and promptly charged me for the seven he counted to. I just stood there in bewilderment.)

Cashier: “Have a nice day!”

Me: “Uh… you, too…”

The Customer Service Is Baloney

, | Australia | Working | February 6, 2015

(Sometimes we get customers who don’t realise that we have so many variations of different meats. This happens on a day when my coworker is tired and on her last nerve, and is therefore being rather unhelpful.)

Customer: “I’d like some of that one, please.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: “The salami.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: “The mild.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: *irked* “The Hungarian.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: “Gah! The one that isn’t free range!”

Coworker: *smiles brightly* “Coming right up, sir!”

(The customer looked about ready to smash his head onto the counter. Occasionally when I order something from this coworker I’ll repeat the above conversation just for a laugh. For some reason she never finds it funny.)

Have A Heart (Failure)

| Staines, England, UK | Right | February 4, 2015

(I am a customer in a supermarket. Unfortunately I am standing by the dairy aisle watching a paramedics team trying to save a man on the floor who’s probably had a heart attack. Both ends of the aisle are crudely boxed off and a member of staff is standing there preventing anyone entering the aisle. At the far end of the aisle there’s a middle-aged woman arguing with the staff member to be quickly let in to just get a tub of spread. She is quietly being told no. The woman must have run down the next aisle because she suddenly appears next to me and starts arguing again with another staff member.)

Customer: “Can you just reach over and pass me a tub of that [Spread]?”

Staff Member: “Ma’am, please, have a bit of sensitivity…”

Customer: “Oh, right! As if he cares one way or another!”

(The rest of us customers stared at each other in disbelief!)

A Picture Of Diminishing Returns

| Canterbury, England, UK | Related | January 23, 2015

(My friend is working in the store and overhears the following:)

Mum: *to her 6- or 7-year-old son* “No, you can’t have this.”

Little Boy: “If I can’t have it then I’ll run away from home, and you’ll only have a photograph.”

(Pause.)

Little Boy: “If I send you one.”

(Pause.)

Little Boy: “Which I won’t!”

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