That’s My Name, Please Wear It Out

| London, England, UK | Right | March 13, 2015

Me: “Hi, do you need assistance with your shopping?”

Customer: *stares at name badge* “Hi, [My Name]. How are you today?”

(I often get customers that call me by name when I greet them, which doesn’t bother me. I pack his bags.)

Customer: “Thank you for packing my bags, [My Name].”

Me: “No problem. That comes to [amount].”

Customer: “Thank you, [My Name].”

Me: “Are you paying by card or cash, sir?”

Customer: “Can I pay by card, please, [My Name]?”

Me: “Okay, if you would like to put your card into the card reader and follow the instructions?”

Customer: “Okay, [My Name].” *takes card and receipt* “Thank you, [My Name].”

(I start serving the next customer.)

Customer #2: “If you didn’t know your own name then I guess you do now!”

Newborn Into Service

, | Australia | Working | March 10, 2015

(Today I’m working with two female coworkers; I’m also female. During a quiet part of the day, one of our managers comes in with her newborn. None of us have seen her since she went on maternity leave a month ago, so we’re all thrilled to see her and her son. My coworkers are so busy cooing over the child that they don’t notice a customer standing quietly at the counter. I go to serve her.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “What are they doing over there?”

Me: “Our manager is here with her newborn. Really, you’re lucky you’re getting served at all!”

(The customer laughed before wandering over to join the group. She did eventually get her items, when they all resurfaced ten minutes later!)

They Don’t Need To Come With Dips

| IN, USA | Working | March 3, 2015

(Friend #1 works at a well known supermarket as a cart pusher. He is a hard worker, but he lacks any sense of professionalism. Friend #2 has stopped by and this transpired.)

Friend #1: “Hey, ask me if we have Doritos flavored condoms.”

(Friend #2 adopts a theatrical pose.)

Friend #2: “Sir! Do you have Doritos flavored condoms?”

(Friend #1 grabs his store radio and calls over it.)

Friend #1: *over the radio* “Management, a customer wishes to know if we have Doritos flavored condoms.”

(Several seconds of silence pass by on an otherwise busy line.)

Friend #1: *over radio* “Do you copy?”

Supervisor: “No, we do not have… THAT, and do not say that over the walkie!”

He’ll Have The Obnoxiously Sweet Ham

, | Australia | Working | March 1, 2015

(I am working with one coworker who is in a horrible mood and refusing to serve customers unless she absolutely has to. She was wiping a bench and I am carefully washing raw chicken juice off my arms to serve a man who is standing right in front of my coworker, patiently waiting as she ignores him. A loud, slightly deranged regular comes in and, assuming the other customer is being served, approaches me.)

Loud Customer: *cheerful* “Hey love! How are ya?”

Me: “I’m good. I hope you’re well! Sorry, but I have to take care of this gentleman here first. You’re next, though. I promise.”

Loud Customer: “S’fine, what about the other lady? Lady! Hey, heeey! I need some brawn! Pork brawn, thank you, love!”

Coworker: *defeated sigh*

(She serves the loud customer and I serve the other man. The loud customer is VERY loudly chattering away about some conspiracy theory and why he doesn’t eat certain hams. My coworker and I both wind up at the wrapping station for our orders at the same time.)

Coworker: *mutters darkly, so only I can hear* “Holy f****ing h***.”

Me: “Ha. I love him! He actually made you do your job.”

Coworker: *cracks her first smile of the day* “I know; I hate it.”

(As the loud customer left, he practically yelled at my coworker to feel better. Apparently being obnoxious isn’t so bad, as long as you’re sweet at the same time!)

Common Sense Takes A Holiday

, | Australia | Working | February 27, 2015

(Due to it being Easter Sunday, management has wrongly predicted a quiet day and we are severely understaffed. I am getting a little frustrated, especially with people making comments about our store being open.)

Customer: “Why are you even open? You should be at home with your family!”

Me: *deadpan* “Why are you even shopping? You should be at home with your family.”

(The customer’s eyes go wide for a split second before he chuckles.)

Customer: “Touché… I am seriously SO sorry.” *walks away*

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