Asking The Meaty Questions

, | FL, USA | Working | March 13, 2016

(Our delivery truck is late and we are struggling to find things to put in our hot food case. My assistant manager hands me a box of brownies left over from Passover, which was three weeks ago.)

Me: *opening the box* “These are the ugliest brownies I’ve ever seen. They look like burnt meatloaf slathered in dog s***.”

Assistant Manager: “They’re just BROWNIES, [My Name]!”

Me: “I’d dispute you on that point.”

Assistant Manager: “Whatever. Just put them in the case.”

(As I’m putting them in the case, I look at her over my shoulder.)

Me: “Bet you a million bucks somebody looks at these and asks, ‘What kind of meat is that?'”

Assistant Manager: “Okay, [My Name], now you’re just being ridiculous.”

(A customer approaches.)

Assistant Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, what kind of meat is that?”

(She gave me a death glare. I walked away shrugging and laughing.)

Ukraizy

| NY, USA | Right | March 2, 2016

(I am buying a newspaper, in addition to other things, which has an article about the Ukraine on the front.)

Customer: “You know, you kids should really be worrying more.”

Me: “Oh? Why is that?”

Customer: “Because World War Three is coming.”

Me: *laughing* “Well, I’m not so much the military type. I suppose I’ll just go hide in Canada.”

Customer: “Oh, you think that! But Canada is voting soon to leave the Commonwealth! They want to be part of Russia!”

Me: *thoroughly confused* “Really? I suppose that puts Alaska in an awkward position.”

Customer: “You don’t even know!”

(After this, she went on for several minutes about assorted crackpot political theories. I felt bad for the people waiting.)

“Imagine” A More Compassionate Boss

| UK | Working | March 1, 2016

(I am working in the warehouse of a local supermarket when all of a sudden a piece of racking collapses and an entire pallet of beer falls on me. I am knocked to the ground and badly injured, and I lay dazed on the floor. A coworker signals an emergency and begins applying first aid.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], don’t you fall asleep on me.”

Me: *slurred* “I am kinda tired, though.”

Coworker: “Don’t make me sing to you.”

(Singing can be used to help keep a person conscious by making them focus on the words of the song.)

Me: “Aw, would you really do that?”

Coworker: *begins singing ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon*

(By this point maybe a dozen colleagues have responded to the emergency alarm and have come to try and help. An ambulance has been called but I was starting to fall asleep and a couple more colleagues joined in the singing. My supervisor finally arrives.)

Supervisor: “Where the f*** have you guys been?! You’re here to work not to start a f***ing concert! Get your lazy a**es back out there before I fire the lot of you! Which idiot hit the emergency alarm?”

(Always nice to know your supervisor has your interests at heart.)

At Last They See The Light

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Right | February 27, 2016

(I am on register in the last 10 minutes before my shift ends, so I turn the light off on my line, letting them know I am closing. Two customers, #1 and #2, are my last. I am helping Customer #1 understand the pin-pad, and when I pull back I see a third customer with a very filled cart, loading the belt with her things.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, I’m closed.”

Customer #3: “What?”

Me: *I point to my lane number, which is off* “I’m closing. I’m sorry but I have to close.”

Customer #3: “You didn’t say anything before. I already started unloading.”

Me: “That’s because I was helping this customer with the pin-pad, ma’am.”

Customer #3: “Well, I didn’t see anything saying you were closed. There was no sign!”

Me: “Usually, there are signs we put on the belt, but they are too few and most are broken. Most customers know that when the light is off, the lane isn’t taking anyone.”

Customer #3: “Well, who looks at the light?”

Me, Customers #1 and #2: “EVERYBODY!”

(We didn’t shout this but with all three of us at the same time, it came off as very clear. Customer #3 blushed and left my line.)

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A Grocery Misjudgment

| Belgium | Friendly | February 26, 2016

(I’m doing my grocery shopping on Saturday as usual because during the week I don’t have time. Suddenly a couple walks in front of me:)

Wife: “I mean, seriously, who even shops for groceries on a Saturday?”

Husband: “Well, we do, honey…”

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