Gourd-ing Yourself Against Bad Jokes

| Brighton, England, UK | Right | June 16, 2016

(I just popped in to get some items in my local supermarket and this is my awkward conversation with the cashier.)

Cashier: “Did you find everything all right?”

Me: “Yes, yes, thank you.”

(By this point I had loaded up some chocolate, ice cream, yogurt etc. on to the conveyer.)

Me: “Huh looks like a lonely-girl’s-night-in purchase!”

(The cashier gave me a weird look, so I assumed they didn’t get my joke. I finished up the transaction in silence and started to walk home. It wasn’t until I got home and unpacked that I realised the reason the cashier gave me a funny look. I bought a cucumber. Safe to say I didn’t step foot in there again for quite some time!)

Does A Good Job Of Making A Fool Out Of Himself

| UK | Right | June 13, 2016

(I work in a supermarket that is in a mainly ethnic area. One night, a man has done his shopping and is doing what he wants while I and a colleague chat and have a laugh. He suddenly turns around and walks up to my coworker.)

Customer: “Are you making fun of me?!”

Coworker: “Erm, no, I’m just talking to [My Name].”

Customer: *getting more angry* “YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE A FOOL OF ME?!” *proceeds to swing his arms and flip over the cart of groceries he had just brought and leaves the supermarket*

Me: “What the f*** was that about?”

Coworker: “I don’t know, but he does that every time he comes here.”

Some Very Door Evidence

| AZ, USA | Friendly | June 10, 2016

(I am about to head home from grocery shopping. I am going into my car about to leave and am confronted by the lady parked next to me.)

Lady: “You hit my car with your door!”

Me: “No, I didn’t.”

Lady: “Look at this scratch! I just got a car wash!”

Me: *opens car door all the way and it isn’t even close to reaching her car*

Lady: “Whatever…”

Slicing Salami But Talking Baloney

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Working | June 7, 2016

(I am getting some sliced meats and cheeses at the deli counter, and the woman working is pleasant enough but very slow. After a few minutes, she calls over another, just-off-break worker to take over my order, which was (at this point) slicing a quarter pound of salami. The following exchange ensued as part of the process:)

Second Worker: “A quarter-pound? I don’t know what that is!”

First Worker: “Zero-point-two-five.”

(Externally I remained The Thinker, but internally I was performing The Picard Facepalm.)

The Great Snuggle Smuggle Muddle

| USA | Right | June 6, 2016

(I work the self-checkouts when this happens.)

Customer: “These four [Brand] dishwasher pod packs are ringing up wrong. They should be 50 percent off!”

Me: “Okay, no problem. I’ll suspend the order for you, and you can take it right up to customer service where they can check the tags in the aisle, and then fix it if they did ring up wrong.”

Customer: “NO, NO, NO! Take them off my bill! I’ll pay and check myself!”

Me: “Okay, no problem. I’ll set them aside.”

(The customer leaves and doesn’t come back. My boss comes over.)

Boss: “Are these returns?”

Me: “Yeah, they weren’t on sale so she didn’t want them.”

Boss: “Hey, wait this one’s open, and it feels heavier than it should. Hold on. There’s only supposed to be twenty pods in here and there’s six or seven extra [Brand] pods, and a few Snuggle pods in here, also.”

Boss & Me: “She tried to smuggle Snuggle! She’s the Snuggle Smuggler!”

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