Doesn’t Want To Provide Proof

| East Lothian, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Religion

(An elderly Muslim woman and her niece, who is in her 30s, are regular customers. They are both very nice people and are always friendly. Today the niece is in on her own and approaches the checkout.)

Niece: “Is my aunt in?”

Me: “I haven’t seen her.”

Niece: “Is her car in the car park?”

(I look as far as I can into the store car park.)

Me: “I can’t see it.”

Niece: “Good. Can I have a litre-bottle of [Cheap Brand] vodka, please.”

Hopefully Customers Like This Aren’t A Dime A Dozen

| Springfield, MO, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I work at the customer service desk, where we also sell helium-filled party balloons. A customer approaches my desk.)

Customer: “Can I get a balloon with no air in it?”

Coworker: “Okay, that’s 10 cents.”

(He gives me a dime and takes the balloon and leaves. He comes back shortly.)

Customer: “Do you have any bigger ones?”

(I think this is weird, but I decides to help out instead of question.)

Coworker: “Okay, I think this one looks bigger.”

(He gives me another dime and leaves. Sometime later, he returns.)

Customer: “Are you sure this is the biggest you have?”

Coworker: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m going to say it. Do you sell condoms without any of that goo on it?”

The Gift Of Friendship

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

Customer: “I am going to pay with a gift card.”

Me: “Okay, swipe it there.”

Customer: *swipes gift card*

Me: “Would you like me to take the gift card for you? There’s nothing left on it.”

Customer: “No, I like to keep them on my desk.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “I keep them on my desk because when I invite my friends over, I see who’s really my friend. If the gift card is still there when they leave, they are a true friend. If not, I know to have a shotgun waiting for them when they come back!”

Me: “… Good idea?”