Someone Will Scream For The Wrong Ice Cream

| London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

(A customer comes in, looking a little tired. I’m stacking shelves.)

Customer: “Hi, I need some vanilla Häagen-Dazs. Where are your freezers?”

Me: “They’re over here, but I’m afraid I think we’re out of Häagen-Dazs. We have our own brand vanilla.”

(He gives me a look like he’s going to cry.)

Customer: “I’m really sorry. It has to be Häagen-Dazs. It has to be vanilla.” *voice cracking* “Do you know where I could get some?”

(I promised to go and check the store room as he genuinely looked like he was about to burst into tears and I thought maybe he wasn’t very well. Luckily, we had a couple left that hadn’t been brought out. I brought it back and handed it to him. He looks at it like it’s magical, breathes a huge sigh of relief, and heads to the check out. He picks up a mini chocolate cake on the way and I see him talk to my colleague behind the counter. After he’s gone, she comes over to me and hands me the cake.)

Coworker: “That guy just said this is for you. He said he’s going home to his eight-month pregnant monster wife and because of you he’s not going to be murdered tonight.”

Free KiWiFi

| Australia | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(As we fill the bunks in the fresh produce department off loaded trolleys, we often get customers asking if they can take items directly off the trolley instead of the display. Of course, we tell them yes.)

Me: *cheerfully filling kiwi fruit*

Customer: *takes one off the trolley* “Can I take this?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: *kiwi fruit in hand, strolls out of the store*

Me: *stunned*

(Now I always remember to say ‘only if you pay for it.’ Thanks, random customer, for making me sound like a b**** to all the paying customers.)

A War Veteran Ally

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Military, Spouses & Partners

(We have a regular customer who is a WW II veteran, at least 90-years-old, and lives alone. He prides himself on being cantankerous. I always make an effort to be nice to him so that he’ll have no excuse for throwing his food on the belt, insulting us, etc. I’m a young woman, and I wear a LGBT-rainbow bracelet to work.)

Me: *while ringing up items* “Good morning, sir. How are you today?”

Customer: “You’re nice to me. Most people aren’t, you know.”

Me: “Well, you served our country. That seems a pretty good reason to be nice to you. Alrighty, sir, your total today is $13.95.”

Customer: “Good. I’ve got enough left over to take you out to lunch.”

Me: “You’ll have to check with my girlfriend on that.”

Customer: *as he pulls out money* “Are you lookin’? Don’t look!”

(This is a regular thing with him. I just smile and look away, holding out my hand for the money. My bracelet is in plain sight.)

Customer: “I don’t like a suspicious woman!”

Me: *deliberately, but lightly* “Neither does my girlfriend. Good thing I’ve been faithful to her the whole two years we’ve been together.”

(Customer finishes handing me the money.  I ring him up, then give him the change and the receipt. My bagger is stifling laughter.)

Customer: “You know I’m only gonna get worse if you let me.”

Me: “I’ll let my girlfriend know, but I think you’re pretty harmless.”

Customer: “And I think you’re pretty, especially when you smile.”

Me: “Thank you. I’ll have to tell my girlfriend that! You have a good day, sir.”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!” *grins and scooters off*

Bagger: “I don’t think he gets it.”

Me: “He treated me exactly the same as he would if I’d mentioned a boyfriend. Who knows, maybe he’s an LGBT ally!”