That’s Not How Feminism Works; That’s Not How Any Of It Works

, , , , , , | Working | November 22, 2017

(The manager has just called down to the front asking for security to escort a known and already barred thief from the building. As I take the call, I decide to tell the guard. I am a feminist and everyone I work with knows this.)

Me: “[Guard], [Manager]’s seen this guy in the store.” *points to the wall of banned individuals* “He wants him searched and removed.”

Guard: *sizing me up* “You do it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guard: “You heard me. If you think a woman can do everything a man can—” *points at me* “—you do it.”

Me: “Well, first: that’s not what I think, and second: that isn’t my job; it’s yours. You’re employed as a security guard!”

Guard: *stands up and stretches* “Look who’s cowering now. Need a big strong man, do you? You feminists are all the same! You talk about equality, but when it comes down to it, you just want to blame us for your shortfalls.”

Me: “That’s it!” *walking away*

(There was another guard on the other side of the store who worked mostly on electronics. I got HER to help me, instead, and reported the first guard to management. Just because I’m a feminist, it doesn’t mean I think men and women are the same. It means I believe we should be TREATED the same. Same opportunities, same legal protections, same f****** taxation when it comes to personal hygiene!)

This Store Has A Drinking Problem

, , , , , | Working | November 18, 2017

Me: “Excuse me. I just saw someone drink from this and put it back.”

Worker: “Oh, umm, okay?”

Me: *offering it*

Worker: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Me: “Well, I would expect you to take it and hand it to loss prevention or something? I don’t think many would be happy to buy something that’s been opened and consumed already.”

(The worker reluctantly took it and I got back to my shopping. Not five minutes later, however, I noticed him putting it back out. He scurried off when he noticed me. I decided to just buy it and get rid of it on my own, and send a strongly worded letter to their complaints department. I don’t know if anything came of it, as I got no reply. I don’t shop there anymore.)

Checkout This Idiot!

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I’m in the self-checkout area at one of the few stores in town, starting to ring up my purchases. I see a woman at another station who seems not to understand what she’s doing, despite looking at most thirty.)

Scanner: “Please place the item in the bagging area. Please place the item in the bagging area.”

(She just stands there, holding her box of cereal, stomping her feet, and glaring toward the clerk station.  The clerk sees her, comes over, and gives a brief explanation to the impatient woman.  After tapping the “not bagging this item” button, the clerk returns to her post and the woman puts her box back into her cart amongst her unscanned items. I turn back to my groceries, when…)

Scanner: “Please place the item in the bagging area. Please place the item in the bagging area.”

(This woman made the poor clerk walk back over to hit the same button for every single item scanned, and was still glaring and scanning as I paid and left. I purchased more than twice as many items as she did, but finished a lot quicker.)

Tell Her Where You Can Stuff That Penguin

, , , , , | Friendly | November 15, 2017

(I am a bystander to this lovely scene in December. Christmas is fast approaching and, as such, most shops have put out tempting displays near the checkouts to fool us all into buying things we neither need nor want. I am waiting in line with my trolley when a man and his daughter join the line behind me. The daughter, about eight years old, spies the stuffed penguin toys.)

Daughter: “Oh, look, Daddy! Penguins!”

Dad: “Yes, they’re very nice.”

Daughter: “Can I have one?”

Dad: “No.”

Daughter: “But they’re so sweet! Please?”

Dad: “I said no.”

Daughter: “Pleeease? I’ll look after it!”

Dad: “You already have a bear in the trolley. You don’t need another toy. You can either put the bear back and have the penguin, or keep the bear on its own.”

Daughter: “But I want both of them! I’ll take care of them!”

Dad: *seriously annoyed now* “I said no. Pick one now or you don’t get either.”

Daughter: “But Dad! I’ll take really good care of them both!” *begins annoying whiny tactics of attrition, including deliberate sobbing*

(At this point, a middle-aged woman has joined the next queue over. To my horror, she leans over and says:)

Interfering Woman: “Oh, that penguin needs to go to a good home, doesn’t he?”

Daughter: “Yes!” *sensing an ally, her tears immediately dry up*

Dad: *gritting his teeth* “I’m sure all these penguins will go to a good home. Our home’s a bit full, isn’t it, [Daughter]? What with all the toys you already have?”

Interfering Woman: *talking to daughter* “Oh, but this penguin would be much happier with you, wouldn’t it?”

Daughter: “Yes!”

Interfering Woman: “Don’t listen to Daddy; he’s being mean! I bet Mr. Penguin would love to come home with you!”

Dad: *somehow barely keeping his temper* “She has lots of toys already.”

Interfering Woman: “But she wants this one! Don’t you? Daddies are so mean, aren’t they?”

(Around this point I had reached the cashier, and I paid for my groceries as swiftly as possible, and got the h*** out of there. A tense silence had befallen everyone within hearing distance who wasn’t directly involved. I sometimes remember the whole scene, and try to think of ways I could’ve shut that woman up without causing a violent ruckus, but I’m at a loss. As a parent, I would’ve bought a penguin, put both the penguin and the bear in the charity box on the way out, and given my daughter a hearty talking to when we got home. She really was the most whiny child of her age I’ve ever heard. As a bystander, I honestly couldn’t think of anything sensible to do.)

This Conversation Is Revolving Nowhere

, , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work as a cashier in a supermarket. We’re just about to close, and I am counting the money in the cash registers in order to close them. A customer approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I was just wondering: does your revolving door always go that way around?”

Me: *surprised* “I haven’t really noticed, to be honest, but I sup—”

Customer: “It’s the wrong way, you see.”

Me: “Excuse me, the wrong way?”

Customer: “Yes, it goes the wrong way around. Can’t you see?”

Me: “I’m not quite sure that I know what you mean by ‘the wrong way around?’”

Customer: “You see, the door goes the other way around in every other store.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure there’s a reas—”

Customer: “It is supposed to go the other way around so that you walk around the same way as in a roundabout.”

Me: “Uh… I guess you could say that it goes clockwise, too?”

Customer: “Yes, and that’s wrong.”

Me: “I’m sure there’s a good reason if it’s not like in every other store as you say.”

(I pause and think for a second.)

Me: “Ah, I know. See, if it goes this way around, people exiting won’t have to cross paths with people entering.”

Customer: “I’m sure it goes the other way around in your other store in [Town].”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t know, but they probably also have their reas–“

(The man calls to his wife, who has been browsing flowers near the entrance.)

Customer: “[Wife], didn’t you notice that the door—”

Wife: “—goes the wrong way around. Yes, I noticed that, too!”

Me: “Uh… Is there anything I can do for you? Because if not, I really need to get back to counting.”

Wife: “No, it’s fine, my dear.”

(The couple proceeds to talk about this literally two meters away from me, rather loudly, as if they are trying to convince me or something. This makes it hard for me to keep the right count. After a couple of minutes, they just leave the store without looking at anything in particular or buying anything. My coworker, who overheard everything, comes to help me close the store.)

Coworker: “I wonder what he wanted you to do about it. Make it go the other way around, just like that?”

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