They Are Tea-Total

| Hobart, TAS, Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these two boxes of tea.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Did you just change your mind?”

Customer: “No. Actually, I sent my daughter to the store to get some tea, meaning something for dinner, and she returned with this drinking tea. I don’t actually need it.”

Stick To Your Guns And Don’t Make The Sale

| San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(About 15 years ago I worked in a very popular super retail store that had a sporting goods section that had just stopped selling guns and only sold pellet rifles and paintball guns.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to buy a gun.”

Me: “Well, we don’t have any guns anymore. We do have pellet rifles. What did you want it for?”

Customer: “Oh, um, there’s a coyote that has been getting into my yard and I wanted to get rid of it.”

Me: “Hmm… Well, a pellet rifle might scare it off so it won’t come back?”

Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s really for my neighbor’s dog.”

Me: “I see… Well, I don’t think I can help with that.”

Customer: “Actually, it’s for my neighbor.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “He’s a jerk.”

An Off-Color Purchase

| Dedham, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I work in the beer and wine department of a large supermarket chain. A very elderly customer comes in a couple times a month and asks us to give him two different white wines, six bottles of each. This day, he approaches me.)

Customer: “Could you help me? I want two red wines, six bottles of each.”

Me: “What do you typically like?”

Customer: “I don’t care. What do you think I’ll like?”

(I suggest a couple wines, he takes them without complaint.)

Customer: “You know, for ten years I’ve been drinking nothing but white wine, because I didn’t want to spill it and stain the carpet. But you know what I realized? F*** it!”