Her Consideration Has Totally Checked Out

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | February 8, 2016

(There are four self-checkout stations in this store; customers line up in one line for all four then go to whichever one is available. I am first in line with one gentleman behind me when a woman walks around us and stands directly behind another customer at the checkout. She stands so close that the other customer can barely move.)

Customer: *to me* “Oh, were you in line?”

Gentleman: “Yes, I am in line already and this young lady is ahead of both of us.”

Customer: *grinning* “I’m sorry!” *points to another checkout being used by another customer* “Look, that one’s open, you can go over there!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a man there still ringing up his groceries.”

Customer: “Oh! Well, sorry!”

(The customer grins again and moves even closer to the woman at the checkout, so that her chest is almost touching the woman’s back.)

Me: *to gentleman behind me* “You deal with her if you want. She’s in a bigger hurry than I am and I am in no mood for her brand of crazy.”

Gentleman: “Me neither!”

A Useful Comeback

| VA, USA | Working | January 31, 2016

(I’m a new hire, a bagger, just a few weeks into my summer job. It is a Saturday morning less than an hour after opening. It’s just me and a handful of other cashier and bagging types, as well as one assistant manager who is playing Angry Birds on his tablet. While waiting for customers to arrive, we have already cleaned all the checkout conveyor belts, made sure that all the checkouts are stocked with paper, plastic, and canvas bags, placed all the carts and baskets at the front of the store for customers, and returned all displaced merchandise to where it belongs, apart from some items that just turn up seemingly from nowhere, which we don’t even seem to have in stock. With all this stuff done, we’re just hanging around and waiting for customers to show up. I’m looking at one of the gumball machines just for a second when suddenly the store manager walks in and comes up behind me. She isn’t happy.)

Manager: “[My Name], what are you doing?”

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. I’m waiting for customers to arrive.”

Manager: “Why are you standing still doing nothing?”

Me: “Because everything has already been done, ma’am.”

Manager: “Go find something to do.” *she points to the assistant manager, who is still playing on his tablet* “Like him; he never stands idle.”

Me: “Understood, ma’am.”

(I just grab a can of soup from the shelves and pretend to be looking to restock it. When I check back on the checkout lines, there are a few customers and none of the cashiers are overwhelmed. However, the manager was there, and she was not happy.)

Manager: “Where were you, [My Name]?”

Me: “I was making sure that all the canned goods were in order.”

Manager: “Why weren’t you bagging items?”

Me: “Because I was making myself useful elsewhere as you told me to do.”

(That was how I learned to always leave at least a couple things undone, just for the sake of looking busy.)

You Shall Not Pass!

| Austria | Right | January 21, 2016

(A local couple has come up with a “smart” trick how to speed up the waiting time during the rush hours when paying in the supermarket. She will grab something trivial and dash for the checkout and queue while he does the shopping, then finally pushes to the front with his loaded cart, saying “my wife is already there.” They are pretty well known (and loathed, not only for this), and since she is in front of me, I know what is coming up behind me eventually, especially since she is more focused on what’s behind her than actually going for the checkout. A minute later…)

Husband: “Excuse me? That’s my wife.”

Me: *turning around, beaming at him* “Good for you, congratulations!” *turning back around*

Husband: “Let me pass. She’s waiting for me!”

Me: “Oh, you’re such a lovely couple. Of course she’ll wait for you ’til IT IS YOUR TURN!”

Husband: “But she’s been queuing for us!”

Me: “No, she’s been queuing for her yogurt.”

(I let him rant and rave about how I MUST let him pass for his wife is waiting. By now she’s started to chime in and I get berated in stereo. Then he suddenly backs up a little and rams his cart into my heel.)

Me: “Hey! Stop that!”

Husband: “No! Let me pass!”

(He backs up again to hit me with the cart again and, as this clearly took me by surprise, I just so happen to jump when the cart hits me, and, clumsy me, I land right inside the cart, crushing eggs and other perishables in my fall. And if I hadn’t first seen that those eggs have being hidden under something that could absorb the snot they spewed out as they exploded, I might not have been so clumsy… His yelling at me, sitting in his cart, caused me to panic, of course, which meant that me climbing out of the cart spilled what was not spoiled already. Of course, the ruckus didn’t go unnoticed and the manager appears.)

Manager: “What happened?!”

(The manager gets a brief summary from everyone around.)

Manager: *to the couple* “You will be required to pay for the damage caused.”

(This is met with even more yelling and screaming.)

Husband: *pointing to me* “If anyone had to pay it would be him!”

(Eventually they left, still ranting, now being banned from the store. Just to illustrate just HOW much that couple is known and loathed: Instantly two other people in the queue offered to pay for the damage in case I’d be stuck with it.)

Manager: “Finally having a reason to get rid of them for good is more than he could ask from me.”

(I offered to help with the cleaning of the mess I made, which was again declined with a similar statement by the staff.)

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Accept The Brunt Of The Order Or Be Weyounded

| NJ, USA | Friendly | January 13, 2016

(I’ve been a fan of science fiction, horror, etc. for a long time and a Star Trek fan since the original series. As time went on, Deep Space Nine became my favorite of all the Treks. One of the recurring actors on the show had done a lot of Lovecraft based movies as well. A couple came through my line at the supermarket I worked at. The wife had on a Myskatonic University sweatshirt on.)

Me: “I wonder how many people mistake that for a real university.”

(We laugh and they spot the communicator pin I have on my work vest. We chat about the latest episode as I ring them up. As they finish loading their cart with the bags, I pull my vest to one side to reveal the Cardassian Union pin I have on my shirt.)

Me: “Oh, and your activities will be reported to the Obsidian Order.”

(They leave, laughing. About a week or so later, they are back in the store, but go through another line. After they were done, the husband comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder.)

Customer #1: “And your activities have been reported to Starfleet Command.”

(We all crack up as they leave. Made an otherwise boring day much better.)

Have To Grow A Thicker Skin

| Australia | Working | January 8, 2016

(I have eczema on my forehead and hands. It is a skin condition which is hereditary where the skin, in layman’s terms, doesn’t recognize itself and attacks itself believing itself to be an invader of the body. This results in rashes, flaking skin, redness, cracking and bleeding. You can go years without it, and then it may crop up mildly or severely one year. My hands are cracked, but people notice my forehead which is currently cracked, bleeding and flaking a lot. People keep staring at me and it can make me feel insecure. I go to the supermarket to buy some groceries, when the lady at the register begins staring at me, really obviously.)

Me: “Hi.”

Clerk: *continues staring at my forehead*

Me: “I’ll just have these items, please.”

Clerk: “Sure. So, how’s your day going?” *still glaring at my forehead*

Me: *had enough* “Oh, pretty good. But I have eczema, so everyone keeps staring at my forehead.”

Clerk: “Oh… uhm… Yeah, I get eczema, too!” *hurries away without saying goodbye*

Me: “…”

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