The Most Awkward Conversation Of The Month

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Friendly | May 11, 2016

(I am recently married, and I have moved out of my apartment to live in a house with my new wife. I’m at the store buying tampons for her, when I run into my old neighbor, who I didn’t talk to very often for reasons I can’t remember.)

Neighbor: “Hey, [My Name], buying tampons for your fiancée, I see?”

(It’s been four months since I’ve seen her, and I realize she never got the memo that I had gotten married.)

Me: “Actually, I—”

Neighbor: “Oh, so they’re not for your fiancée?”

Me: “No, they’re not; they’re for…”

Neighbor: “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself; I’ll just grab these and be on my way.”

(She grabs a box of tampons and leaves. I now remember why I never really opted to talk to her.)

A Duty Of Carelessness

| GA, USA | Right | May 9, 2016

(While on my lunch break I go to grab a bite to eat at the deli, and have clearly removed the top of my work uniform as the lady in front of me in line is being told about a sale on tea. My father is a well respected surgeon at the hospital, and we know all higher-ups within the hospital.)

Customer: “Oh! Half price for tea? I’d like me some of that!” *she snaps her fingers as she points to me* “You, boy, get that tea for me.”

Me: “Excuse me, but I am on break and am in line to get food, just like you are.”

Customer: *in a huff* “Fine! I work in the hospital and you better hope I don’t see you around there!”

Me: “Oh, you work at [Hospital]?”

Customer: “Yeah, and you best make sure I’m not gonna take care of you!”

Me: “Well, hopefully [List of Doctors] are okay with that.”

Customer: “Wait, who are you?!”

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Should Self-Checkout Your College Education

| UK | Related | April 19, 2016

(My grandpa is known for boasting about his intelligence and quick wits. He’s what you’d call an ‘intellectual snob.’ Most of his stories involve him outsmarting someone. One day, my brother comes back from the supermarket.)

Brother: “Guess who I saw on the self-checkouts at the supermarket? Grandpa was getting the ‘bagging area error’ message and started shouting at the machine for being stupid. Then an assistant comes over and before she can speak, he shouted ‘Go away, woman! It’s not me, it’s the machine! It wants me to look stupid! I don’t need your help. I went to university!’ She looked pissed off and went to stand at the side while he shouted at it a bit more. Then he threw a baguette at it and left.”

Me: “I take it you didn’t go over and say hi?”

Brother: “So he could throw a baguette at me instead? Nah.”

(I guess I know now why his wife usually gets the shopping.)

Going Salmon And On About The Discount

| Nora, Sweden | Working | April 15, 2016

(I’m shopping and my mom wants to eat salmon so I grab a package at random, not thinking much about it. As I’m about to leave…)

Worker #1: “Oh, that’s not the one that’s on a special discount.”

Me: “Oh, really? It’s fine. I didn’t even know there was a special discount anyway!”

Worker #1: “You’re sure you’re all right with that?”

Me: “Yeah, don’t worry!”

(I grab a few more things and go to pay.)

Worker #2: “This isn’t the salmon that’s on discount.”

Me: “It’s fine. Really. I didn’t even know that you guys had discount on salmon before another worker pointed it out.”

Worker #2: “So, you don’t want this?”

Me: “Yes. I want that one.”

Worker #2: “Okay, then.”

Me: “Hey, two people warned me; my own fault if I don’t listen now, not yours!”

(She let out a sigh of relief. I’m curious how many have complained about it, assuming they told them in advance…)

Periodically Uses The Express Lane

| Australia | Working | April 15, 2016

(I am in the line for the 12 items or fewer checkout and in front of me, currently being served, is a pretty girl who looks to be about 20 years old. She is only purchasing one item, which is tampons. The checkout is being run by a boy of about the same age.)

Cashier: *with a disgusted look* “Oh, eww, why are you buying these?”

Girl: “Because I need them.”

Cashier: “Can’t you go to the self serve checkouts or something? I don’t want to touch these!”

Girl: “Why? It’s not like they’ve been used. Each one is individually wrapped, sealed in a cardboard box, which is again sealed in plastic.”

Cashier: “It’s just that they go, you know, up ‘there.'”

Girl: “Well, so can a d**k but you still touch yours.”

(The cashier went pale and fumbled through the rest of the transaction as I tried to hide my laughter.)

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