Talking Non-scents

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Hall of Fame

(It’s a couple months after the winter holidays and I’m working self-scan check-outs. My store offers everything from food to electronics. A woman flags me over to her self-scan.)

Customer: “These scented candles are supposed to be on clearance.”

(The candles are scented gingerbread. Holiday items are extremely discounted and the candles are clearly ringing up at full price.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, let me fix that for you.”

(I begin to fix the price on the six or so candles she’s buying as she begins to bag up the rest of her items. She comes up to me a moment later.)

Customer: “Have you smelled these? They smell awful. You would think they would smell better.”

Me: “No, I haven’t smelled them.”

Customer: *offers a candle* “You should smell them.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Go ahead. Smell it.”

Me: *reluctantly taking a whiff* “I really don’t smell anything at all, ma’am. Do you not want the candles if they smell bad?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I still want them.” *she bags the rest up*

(I finish changing the prices and help her finish bagging. My thoughts still turn to the candles.)

Me: “Why are you buying them if you think they smell bad?”

Customer: “Because they’re on clearance! You can’t pass up on these prices!”

(I know customers like this who feel strongly about deals but I’m still stuck on why she would still want so many even though she clearly doesn’t like the smell.)

Me: “But what will you do with them?”

Customer: *pause* “I think I’ll give them to my sister… I don’t really like her either.”

On Her Own Little Aisle

| The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I have just finished counting my till and am heading towards the canteen to change and go home after a 10-hour shift. On my way there, a woman in a scooter stops me.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Where can I find [specific liquor]?”

Me: *not willing to walk her to it as I’m off duty* “It’s in the next aisle, near the end.”

Customer: “Can’t you get it for me? I can’t go driving around the store just searching! I need a lot of things and you know where they are.”

Me: “I’m sure it’s there. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

(I go to the canteen, take off my work clothes, and change into my regular clothes. I head out and bump into the same woman.)

Customer: “Oh, are you off?”

Me: “Yes, I’m heading home.”

Customer: “Can you get me the milk?”

Me: *waving* “It’s over there.”

Customer: “It’s too high up; I can’t get it from my scooter. Get it for me.”

(I sigh and figure I’d be off faster if I just follow her commands.)

Customer: “See, now we’re getting somewhere. This is customer service; you’d better learn it quick!”

Fixing For A Fixing

| London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Hall of Fame

(In my local supermarket, there’s a very nice chap who usually works behind the tobacco counter. I have no idea what his preference is, but he’s obviously flamboyant and camp. He’s also always very friendly and helpful to everyone.)

Angry Customer: “God, that f****** [homophobic slur] is so slow!”

(Everyone else in the queue turns in astonishment, not sure that they just heard that. The angry customer continues ranting:)

Angry Customer: “Those d*** gays; they’re everywhere! I don’t know what’s wrong with—OW! OW!”

(We all look down to see a five year old standing there, kicking the ranting guy hard in the shins, repeatedly.)

Child: “You’re—” *kick* “—not—” *kick* “—a—” *kick* “—nice—” *kick* “—man—” *kick*

(The angry customer grabs the child, to the complete shock of everyone watching, at which point he is tackled by several people.)

Angry Customer: “I have my rights! I have been assaulted!”

(The police arrive very quickly, and calm the situation.)

Policeman: *to angry customer* “Well, we’ve heard from all these people that you grabbed and then tried to hit that little girl. Is that true?”

Angry Customer: “I demand you arrest her! She attacked me! She’s guilty of assault!”

Policeman: “She’s five! She can’t legally commit any crime. You, on the other hand, have assaulted a small child and are now under arrest.”

(The best bit of the entire story? Various people offered to buy the little girl some sweets.)

Little Girl: “No! I don’t want sweets. I want this!”

(She has a cheap 50-piece toolset with screwdrivers, pliers, and so-on. We confirm with her mum that it is okay to buy that for her at that age.)

Mum: “Sure, why not? You’ve already seen that she likes fixing things.”