Armageddon Shopping List: Holy Water, Crucifix, Tic Tac

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2008

(I am working at the express lane one Sunday morning, and this family comes in. Keep in mind that they look like something straight out of the Beverly Hillbillies. They purchase a few things, and their total comes up to $6.66.)

Customer: *looks at total in horror and points to son* “Quick, get some candy, gum, anything!”

(His son then proceeds to throw a box of Tic Tacs at me.)

Customer: “I will not have the Devil’s number as my total!”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Have a nice day!”


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Ah, Fathers

, , | Right | June 15, 2008

(I am a cashier and father and young son are in line.)

Son: “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff!”

Dad: “Yeah, I might have to sell your bike to pay for it all.”

Son: “Noooo, not my bike!”

Dad: *laughs* “No, I wouldn’t sell your bike for food. Although, I might sell it for beer…”

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Because PvP In Produce Is Teh Suxxorz

, , | Right | June 8, 2008

(I worked in the meat department of a large, popular store a few years ago. Alongside this, I was both in college, and played World of Warcraft, so I was pretty zonked whenever I worked.)

Customer: “HEY!”

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: *scowls* “Where’s LARD?!”

(The name for my character in WoW was Lard. The night before, I ended up having to kick a guildy due to him basically being a moron. After he was kicked, he messaged to me that he was ‘going to get me one day’)

Customer: “…Lard?”

Me: “Um… um!”

Customer: *glares, then looks down* “Oh, here it is.”

(He bent down and picked up a jar of lard from the counter in front of me and walked away, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I later found out that the same person deleted his character, rerolled the opposite faction, and leveled him to 70 in order to “Kill Lard and camp his corpse.” I consider that the moment that I won at WoW.)


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Righteousness And Hyprocisy, Sitting In A Tree

, , | Right | June 4, 2008

(I was ringing this customer’s order up and the entire order consisted of chicken, pork chops, t-bones, and rib eyes.)

Me: “Your total is going to be [over $200].”

Customer: “Now, before I pay you, I have to say something…”

Me: “Okay?”

Customer: “I know this has no reflection on you and you more than likely can’t do anything about it, but [Store] has no right to sell live animals.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I start chuckling a little. We only sell live goldfish as feeder fish for people’s piranhas and Oscars.)

Customer: “Well, what on earth can be so funny about me saying that?”

Me: “Weeelllll, you really had no problem buying the dead animals we sell.”

Customer: “As a charter member of PETA, I resent everything you just said to me. Not only does this store sell live animals, but it sells dead ones, too?”

Me: “Yes. We sell pork, chicken, beef, bison, and several different types of fish.”

Customer: “And you see no problem with this?!”

Me: “Well, you see, as a card carrying member of the NRA, the only problem I can see is that they don’t also offer to cook it for me, too.”

(The customer stormed off without ever paying for their stuff. My manager wound up writing me up for being less than courteous.)

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5 Minutes And 9 Months

, , | Right | June 1, 2008

(The couple walked up to my line and the guy put his stuff on the belt first. Then, the girl put up a divider and her stuff.)

Guy: “Sweetie, let me pay for your stuff.”

Girl: “FINE!” *storms off*

Me: *thinking to self* “What the f*** is going on?”

(I looked at what she was purchasing and realized that the only thing was a home pregnancy test.)

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