Periodically Uses The Express Lane

| Australia | Working | April 15, 2016

(I am in the line for the 12 items or fewer checkout and in front of me, currently being served, is a pretty girl who looks to be about 20 years old. She is only purchasing one item, which is tampons. The checkout is being run by a boy of about the same age.)

Cashier: *with a disgusted look* “Oh, eww, why are you buying these?”

Girl: “Because I need them.”

Cashier: “Can’t you go to the self serve checkouts or something? I don’t want to touch these!”

Girl: “Why? It’s not like they’ve been used. Each one is individually wrapped, sealed in a cardboard box, which is again sealed in plastic.”

Cashier: “It’s just that they go, you know, up ‘there.'”

Girl: “Well, so can a d**k but you still touch yours.”

(The cashier went pale and fumbled through the rest of the transaction as I tried to hide my laughter.)

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Don’t Have A Cow, Ma’am

| Harderwijk, The Netherlands | Friendly | April 15, 2016

(My mum and I am in line at the check-out.)

Woman: *to her three-year-old daughter* “Let’s not use this line, sweetie, with all those people buying meat, for which animals have been brutally slaughtered!”

(She then stared at my mum, trying to evoke a reaction. Mum just stood there, jaw-dropped. When the woman and her child exited the store she was still giving my mum taunting looks. Really, what people say to little kids these days!)

Rage Against The Teenage Machine

| Ireland | Right | April 4, 2016

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m at a self-checkout and am bagging up my items and about to scoop up my change from the machine slot. I’m the only teenager here and there are free machines around me.)

Next Customer: *drops items onto my machine*

Me: “Sorry, I’m just finishing up; I’ll be gone in a minute.”

Next Customer: “That’s not good enough! You shouldn’t be taking so long.”

Employee: “Excuse me, [Next Customer], there’s a free machine just over…”

Next Customer: “But I want this machine! I’m in a hurry!”

Employee: “Well, the machine next to that one is free?”

Next Customer: *to employee* “I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU!”

Me: *reaching to collect notes from below the machine*

Next Customer: *grabs my change*

Me: “Sorry, that’s my change; can I have it back please?”

Next Customer: “You’re at MY machine, so it’s mine now! You’re holding me up. Move!”

Me: “Sorry, but I’m not leaving without my change. Please hand it back.”

Employee: “I’ve called for the manager.” *to next customer* “Please hand the girl her change.”

Next Customer: “But she’s at MY machine, and what the f*** do teenagers know about money? I need it more than she does!”

Manager: *to us* “Hello, ladies, is everything all right over here?”

(The employee explains the situation.)

Manager: *to next customer* “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to give this girl her change back or you’ll have to leave the shop.”

Next Customer: “But, she’s at MY machine!”

Manager: “That may be so, but stealing someone else’s change is not acceptable; I’m going to have to ask you to hand it back or I’ll be forced to call security.”

Next Customer: *throws notes on the floor and walks out of the shop*

Me: “Thanks for the help! That lady was something else!”

Manager: “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” *helps me pick my notes up*

(The manager offered me a voucher for the shop, but I declined because it wasn’t their fault.)

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Coming Around To Not Coming Back

| Cheshire, England, UK | Right | March 30, 2016

(I am on the opening shift, which means I’m on my own on the tills for at least an hour. A woman approaches me.)

Woman: “Excuse me, can you tell me where [Product] is?”

Me: “If you go down the aisle on the far left and then take the first on your left, it should be on a shelf down there.”

Woman: “Can’t you take me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to stay on the tills.”

Woman: “Well, that’s no good!”

Me: “I could call a member of floor staff to take you there?”

Woman: “Don’t bother. I’m not coming back here again. The customer service is terrible.”

(She leaves in a huff, and another customer who was waiting just raises her eyebrows.)

Customer: “I bet you’re heartbroken that she’s not coming back, aren’t you?”

(I laughed.)

The Funniest Things Can Just Turnip

| ME, USA | Right | March 25, 2016

(I am a cashier at a grocery store in the middle of my shift when a lady in line unloads and then…)

Customer: *hands me a turnip* “Is this a cabbage?”

Me: “No, this is a turnip.”

Customer: “Well, this was over there with the cabbages and it was the only one there.”

Me: “A cabbage is green and leafy, like lettuce.”

Customer: “I thought it looked funny.”

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