In The Firing Line

| England, UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a small supermarket in my small town. It’s near Christmas and we are fully staffed. I’m on my break after four hours of constant checkout work. I am in the queue with some food with a very impatient customer who is a frequent annoyance in our store. I already handed my notice of leaving in and am starting a new job after Christmas.)

Customer: *looks at me* “I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes!” *it has actually been more like four minutes*

Me: “Yeah, it’s very busy this time of year. Everybody does last minute shopping. I’m only going to have five minutes to each my lunch.” *attempt at defusing with a laugh*

Customer: “Why are you not working? Can you not jump on a till?”

Me: “Sorry, I am on my break. I’ve been here since six am.”

Customer: “I thought you people were meant to help customers whenever they need? The poster says so.”

Me: “I am sorry, but all the tills are being used.” *gestures to all tills* “And the poster says ‘ask a member of staff and we will try to help you.'”

Customer: “I know you have a spare till in the back that you only use for staff. Can you not bring it out? *giving the b***iest look I’ve ever seen*

Me: *with a sarcastic shocked look* “How do you know about our secret till?! I am only used as a decoy here in the customer queue so nobody can catch on to our super secret discount staff till in the back because I love to wait in a queue instead of eating my lunch!”

(The customer then scoffs and gets served and turns around to me.)

Customer: “I would wish you a Merry Christmas but you’re obviously not as educated as me to comprehend such words.”

Me: “And a very Merry Christmas to you too, Mrs [Customer]. I can’t wait to serve you and your excessive amount of booze on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings whilst everyone judges you in the queue!” *smiles*

A Healthy Uptake In Coupons

| London, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

(Customer hands over £12 worth of healthy living vouchers which can only be used on milk and fruit & vegetables when she has only purchased crisps and other ‘junk’ food.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re unable to accept these coupons as you haven’t bought any of the products listed.”

Customer: “But I need to feed my child.”

Me: “Yes, but you’ve not bought £12 worth of fruit and veg or milk.”

Customer: “But my child doesn’t eat fruit and vegetables. He prefers to eat crisps.”

Me: “Yes, but the coupons are specifically provided by the government to promote healthy eating.”

Customer: “Well, how am I supposed to use the coupons, then? My child is a toddler now and doesn’t eat fruit or vegetables any more. I want to speak to a manager!”

(The manager basically reiterated what I had said and she threatened to contact Head Office. We never heard anything from Head Office.)

Other Customers Might Need Hazard Pay

| Newry, Northern Ireland, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I’m looking for a cheap pair of runners for bike riding in a well known, high street supermarket. I’m wearing a hoodie that looks similar to the fleece jackets worn by staff. A man, large and burly, comes up to me.)

Man: “Hey, you! How much are these jeans?”

(I realise he thinks I work here.)

Me: “Sorry, friend, I don’t work here. Wouldn’t know.”

(I expect that to be the end of it.)

Man: “That’s not what I f***** asked, pal.”

(I left quite quickly.)