Should Stick To Just One Glass A Day

| Australia | Working | March 31, 2017

(I’ve had a very long day and I’m a little sick, and I’ve been on and off complaining to a coworker friend of mine all day. This happens near the end of my shift.)

Me: “I should get wine after work. I need some wine!”

Coworker: “I’ll bet you do. Your WHINE output has been so high all day that you must be running seriously low! As for me, I’ve had my fill of whine today.”

Me: “Thanks for putting up with me.”

Making A Clean Sale

| UK | Working | March 31, 2017

(I am walking by a woman selling a popular water filtering brand at a stall.)

Woman: “Hi! Can I interest you in [Brand] today? They’re on sale and SOO good for you.”

Me: “No, thanks. I’ve always found them a bit too pretentious for my liking.”

Woman: “Oh, but think of all the nasty evil chemicals you drink everyday from just regular water.”

Me: “I’ve lived of that water for 25 years. I can’t say I’m any worse off.”

Woman: “But all of those nasty evil chemicals can do so much damage! You have to think of your health!”

Me: “The UK has some of the cleanest drinking water in the world.”

Woman: “Oh, but—”

Me: “Not to mention that in some parts, water — ANY water — is a luxury to have. I actually can’t imagine anything worse than suggesting that the water drunk in Britain is so dangerous while in Africa every sip you take is a game of Russian Roulette.”

Woman: “Oh, umm…” *looking around embarrassed*

(I take a slow breath, realising how angry I have gotten.)

Me: “Look, I’m sorry if I went off on you. It’s just stuff like this is hard to swallow after spending two years with people who literally don’t have a choice in the matter, while one of the most advanced nations in the world boasts a choice between ‘clean’ and ‘even cleaner’ water.”

Woman: “Oh, it’s all right. I’ve just never thought of it like that. I guess we should thankful for what we have.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s how I see it. Again, I’m sorry.”

(I walked away and started my shopping. Five minutes later, though, I saw her with another woman going gaga over how much better “even cleaner water” is (direct quote). I hope she didn’t abuse my rant to get better sales…)

The Apple Fell Very Far From The Tree

| FL, USA | Working | March 29, 2017

(At the supermarket where I work, they set out daily fresh fruit in the break-room for the employees… usually just apples, bananas, and oranges, but occasionally other things like sliced watermelon and strawberries. This, along with free bottles of water and soda, is company policy, and a lot of us enjoy it. I walk in one morning to see a new guy, about my age (I’m in my early 30s), from another department sneering at it.)

Guy: “Can you believe this? What do they think we are… three?”

Me: “What?”

Guy: “Fruit! Like we’re freaking kids or something.”

Me: “Uh. Do you not… eat fruit?”

Guy: *gives me a scornful look* “No. Because I’m an ADULT.”

Me: “…okay, then.”

(I shrugged, grabbed an orange, then sat down and set about peeling it. Another coworker walked in and the guy gestured to me with a “Can you believe her? What, is she a toddler?” The other coworker was just as confused as I was. Maybe one day I’ll be cool as the other guy and only eat adult food like, I presume, steak and potatoes and tax forms, but until then, I’ll just enjoy my baby orange.)

The ‘Shapes’ Of Things To Come

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Working | March 17, 2017

(I approach the shelf of my favourite snack, which has unfortunately – and to substantial complaints from the public – changed its recipe recently. The outrage from the public has been huge, and all over the media. I figure I’ll try my luck and see if there’s any of the old recipe hidden on the shelf. I’ve been in front of the shelf for no more than five seconds when:)

Staff Member: *yelling from the opposite end of the aisle* “WE DON’T HAVE ANY!”

(I ignore it, because the voice is so far away I don’t think it could be directed at me.)

Staff Member: “WE. DON’T. HAVE. ANY!”

Me: *turning to look* “Sorry? Are you talking to me?”

Staff Member: *has now reached me and can stop yelling* “We don’t have any of the [Original Recipe], and we won’t carry them again. They’re gone for good!”

Me: “You knew what I was in this aisle for before I even touched the shelf! Have the complaints been that bad?”

Staff Member: “You have NO idea. Just whatever you do, don’t buy the new ones. They’re revolting, and you’ll come back and complain to me and demand a refund, just like everyone else!”

(At the time of writing this, the snack company has yet to revert to the old recipe. I’m so sorry, customer service staff in supermarkets everywhere. You’re the ones stuck dealing with the company’s stupid decisions!)

Sharing Parenting Advice

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Related | March 14, 2017

(The supermarket I work at has small children’s trolleys that parents can give their kids to push around the store and put shopping in. To ensure that they are not stolen, we keep them locked together, and when a customer wants one, we unlock one for them. A customer walks up with her two children.)

Customer: “Hi, can I get one of the kid’s trolleys?”

Me: “Sure, not a problem.”

(I go over, and unlock one of the trolleys.)

Me: “Would you like two, so both your kids can have one?”

Customer: “Oh, no, that’s fine. They can share it.”

Me: *highly doubting this* “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’ll be fine.”

(Reluctantly, I hand the one trolley to the two kids, who IMMEDIATELY start fighting over it.)

Customer: *surprised* “Oh…”

Me: *not at all surprised* “I’ll get you another trolley, ma’am…”

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