Thinking They Can Rule Your Roost(er)

, , , | Right | September 9, 2017

(Where I work, we have just had a new chicken cooker installed in our deli department. As someone’s attempt at humour, when the chickens are cooked, the cooker crows like a rooster. It sounds fairly realistic, but after a few times you do get used to it. This day I answer the phone.)

Me: “Good afternoon, this is [Supermarket], this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to speak to someone regarding the live animals you have in your store room.”

(What she’s talking about clicks, and I think this is just a joke call because of the rooster noise. So, I start laughing at her.)

Customer: “I don’t see how it is funny! You are keeping live animals in your back dock. I can clearly hear a rooster crowing behind your deli area!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is just the noise our chicken cooker makes when the cooking cycle is finished. It’s just the maker’s attempt at a joke.”

Customer: “Well, I find it offensive and off-putting, and it makes me not want to shop at your store again.”

Me: “Well, that’s your choice, of course, but it is just a recording. We don’t keep any live animals anywhere in the store.”

(She ranted about the same thing for a few more minutes, until I offered to put her on with the store manager to complain further. She then informed me that if I didn’t change the noise within a week, she wouldn’t shop here ever again. She then hung up on me. To this day, I don’t know if she was just having a lend or was actually serious.)

You’ll Be GLaDOS You Caught That

, , , , | Related | September 7, 2017

(My dad and I are shopping for some cake mix. Keep in mind that he has never heard of Portal before.)

Me: “Hey Dad, did you get a mix selected yet?”

Dad: *pauses* “Wait a sec….”

Me: “What?”

Dad: “This… this mix… This cake is a pie!”

Me: “…”

Too Entitled To Slip

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2017

(This takes place not long after my shift, in the car park. It has been snowing quite a bit, but the trolley bays are under cover and the walkways and “roads” salted. I am walking to where my mum normally picks me up if the weather’s been bad, when I witness a customer drag his trolley to an empty parking space and leave it there.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but that’s a car parking space. Could you please take your trolley to one of the trolley bays?”

Customer: “But I might slip.”

Me: “The trolley bays are under cover, and that’s a parking space; you’re preventing other customers from parking, and making our porters’ jobs more difficult.”

Customer: “But I might slip.”

(The customer then walked off to his car and drove away. Since it was freezing and my mum hadn’t arrived yet, I took pity on the porters and pulled his trolley and a few others over to the trolley bays. I didn’t slip once.)

Only A Token Kindness

, , , , , | Right | September 2, 2017

(Our supermarket gives a blue token to all customers, so they can choose a local charity to benefit from the bag charges. On this day, a woman has just spent £250 when the following takes place.)

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us today. Here is your receipt, and a token to put in on your way out.”

Customer: “I only get one?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; what do you mean?”

Customer: “I have spent £250 today at this shop, and I only get one token! This is appalling. I deserve more!”

Me: “Well, the token policy is one per customer, per transaction, so you can’t have more than one, despite spending a large amount here.”

Customer: *sighs loudly, leans over the checkout, and grabs a handful of tokens from my tub and marches off*

Me: “Did that just happen?”

To Beard, Or Not Beard

, , | Right | August 30, 2017

(I am walking the aisles, not even closely looking like an employee, when a young lady comes across me.)

Lady: “Hey there, where is [item]?”

Me: *sincerely confused* “Excuse me… I don’t know, I don’t work here.”

Lady: “But… you have a beard; you MUST be working here.”

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