That Went From Zero To Ten Super Fast

, , , , , , | Working | November 14, 2017

(I’m waiting in a line to be served. The current customer has a young daughter with her who has been playing silently with a number book. The cashier takes notice. She is an elderly lady.)

Cashier: “Oh, are you learning you count?”

Girl: “Yep!”

Cashier: “Can you count to ten yet?”

Girl: *innocently* “Sure! Can you?”

(The cashier’s face turns sour.)

Cashier: “F*** you!”

(Everyone gasps, including the girl and her mother. Before anyone can react though, the little girl slaps her.)

Girl: “Naughty!”

(Then, chaos breaks loose as the cashier tries to climb over the counter while the mother scolds her daughter. The cashier then starts shouting for a manager and they all head for the store’s exit. The remaining line moves to another checkout and is seen to. As I leave the store, I still hear the cashier shouting, with a manager shouting over her.)

Manager: “WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? PROSECUTE A TODDLER?”

(I imagine the mother probably got in trouble, but hopefully the repercussions weren’t too severe.)

A New Way To Get Electrolytes

, , , , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(I’m on the customer service desk when a customer approaches.)

Customer: “I want to return this banana!”

Me: *looking at perfectly healthy, unpeeled banana* “Okay, can I just ask what the problem was?”

Customer: *completely serious* “It gave me an electric shock!”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “I DON’T WANT ELECTRICITY IN MY STOMACH!”

Me: “Okay, sir. Let me just get that for you.”

(It was the strangest refund I’ve ever had to do, and it was 13p.)

Should Éire On The Side Of Caution

, , , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

Customer: “So, you sound English; that’s rare these days.”

Me: *sitting there, very white, and with alarm bells sounding* “Um, yes. I was born and raised here.”

Customer: “You can never tell whether someone is really English.”

Me: “Well, if we are being fully accurate, I am ethnically Irish.”

Customer: “Well, Ireland’s part of England, anyway.”

Me: “I wouldn’t say that to someone not being paid to sit quietly.”

Need A Thick-Skin To Be A Cashier

, , , , , | Working | November 9, 2017

(This happens during the Ebola epidemic in Africa. It has recently been reported that a woman from Glasgow has been quarantined after contracting it while working over there. I am recovering from my first ever allergic reaction, which left my skin blotchy and swollen. Normally I wouldn’t be outside, but life goes on and I need shopping. I’m currently checking out. The cashier has been looking at me strangely for the whole transaction.)

Cashier: “That’s £109.87, please.”

Me: “Oh, my reward card.”

Cashier: “Th-thank you?”

(She hesitantly takes it, trying to avoid touching my skin. She scans it and drops it on the other end of the counter.)

Cashier: “£98.87.” *while handing over cash* “Do you have card?”

Me: “No. Cash.”

Cashier: “Please, use card.”

(She activates the card reader and waits for me to use it.)

Me: “Look. I have £100 right here. I’m not using my card.”

(It takes the cashier a long time to reach for my money, but I sneeze into my other hand before she takes it.)

Cashier: *going pale* “YOU’VE GOT THE EBOLA!” *runs screaming through the store to who-knows-where*

Other Worker: *running up to me* “What on Earth?!”

Me: “She just said I had Ebola and ran off.”

(The other worker disappears and comes back roughly a minute later to finish my purchase.)

Other Worker: “Sorry about that. She said your face was peeling off, and that you gave her Ebola.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I had an allergic reaction last week. I guess it must have scared her.”

Other Worker: “No, it’s not your fault. It’s just plain ignorance.”

(I paid, and as I left, the cashier was being dragged up to the front by EMTs. She was in full hysterics, shouting, “EBOLA!” at every customer who walked past. I’m fully recovered now, but whenever I’m in there and we lock eyes, she flees. I’m told by the others in there that she still thinks I have Ebola, and tries to call the police every time she sees me. They keep a tally in the back.)

Sick Of Not Being Sick

, , , , , , , , | Working | November 8, 2017

(I have been working at my current job for over a year and in that time have never taken a single day of sick leave and have only twice been late. I manage to overhear a couple managers talking about me:)

Manager #1: “Well, put [My Name] down for the early shift; he’s always on time.”

Manager #2: “And we know he probably won’t call in sick 15 minutes before, too. Most of the other guys here call in sick at least once a month; he’s gone a whole year and not a single sick day. For us, that must be a record.”

Manager #1: “Oh, yes. I forgot what it’s actually like to be able to trust the staff working here.”

(I figured I was just doing my job by literally turning up for it. It turns out that’s not the way anyone else does things. Now I’m much less surprised that my department has a high turnover rate for staff.)

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