Should Just Bench That Strategy

, , , | Right | May 23, 2020

I’ve just walked in for my shift and I stand at the customer service desk waiting for my supervisor to finish up with a customer so I can take over from her. Whilst she does this, I notice our “Community Colleague” — a colleague who deals with the charitable side of the business, e.g. allowing charities to come and do bag packs — is stood at a table with one of the benches beside it.

The bench is from behind the checkouts. It’s World Book Day, and she’s invited some local school children to the store to purchase their books and take part in activities. I don’t know any of this until later on, however.

An older woman comes up to the customer service desk.

Me: “Hi. Can I help?”

Customer: “There’s only one bench down there!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, I can see the other bench usually down by the checkouts is behind you. Our community colleague appears to be running something for the kids.”

Customer: “Well, there’s three of us squeezed onto the bench, and it’s not nice! As the youngest person out of the three, I had to be the one to get up and complain!”

Me: “I do apologise for the inconvenience. I’ve literally just walked in so I have no idea why the bench is not in its usual place, but I’ll make sure to sort it.”

Customer: “This isn’t on! There needs to be a second bench!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

She stalked off. I told my supervisor and we both laughed about the fact that the woman was complaining about a seating area that we only provide as a courtesy, anyway. Plus, the benches easily fit four people on them. Our Community Colleague ended up dragging the bench back down and then being told off by a different customer for “putting a bench in the way”!

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Somewhere, Jesus Is Face-Palming

, , , , , , , | Right | May 23, 2020

I am a customer at a local supermarket. While my items are being rung up, I realize I have forgotten to get lip balm. I notify the cashier and step away from the line to get some from another aisle. When I return with the lip balm, I hand it to the cashier, who rings it up and gives me my total.

However, in the time I was out of the line, the daughter of the female customer behind me had stepped in front of the area where the credit card scanner was. I say to the little girl, who is maybe seven or eight years old, “Excuse me,” and then step in front of the card scanner. As I step in front of the scanner, I brush against the little girl ever so slightly.

Customer: “What do you think you’re doing, pushing my little girl like that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I need to pay my bill.”

Customer: “You could at least say, ‘Excuse me.’”

Me: “I did say, ‘Excuse me.’ You must not have heard it.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! You know, it’s because of people like you that little girls are messed up today!”

Me: “No, little girls are messed up today because of bad parenting.”

Customer: *Scowling angrily* “I denounce you, in the name of Jesus, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done…”

Me: “Why are you using the name of Jesus like that? You’re clearly following the way of Satan.”

The customer closes her eyes and begins clapping her hands while rocking from side to side.

Customer: “In the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus…”

By this time, close to twenty people had stopped what they were doing to observe the situation. My items were rung up and I had paid my bill, so I invited her to my church and got out of there!

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Limited Shop, Limited Mindset

, , , , | Right | May 22, 2020

The supermarket where I work has introduced measures as a result of the current health crisis. There is a limit to how many can be in the store at one time so people aren’t squished together, and we’ve reduced the amount of checkouts that are open because they’re very close together and limited the amount of certain items you can buy in one shop so we can recover from the panic and bulk buying that’s happened.

I’ve been manning the entrance queue, which takes about eight minutes to get in. I know this because I decided to time it when I saw my mum enter the queue and shop for my granny — her mum.

My shift ends and I join up with her to finish with the shop. We join the checkout queue of about nine people, with an off-the-clock colleague in front of us. A couple joins the queue behind us with a basket and only a few items.

Male Customer: *Loudly* “Another f****** queue?! Outside one took half an hour; this one will take what?”

Female Customer: *Loudly* “Probably an hour and a half!”

Mum: *To me* “They pushed in front of me in the queue outside, so it did not take that long for them to get in.”

Male Customer: *Loudly* “[Other Supermarket] doesn’t have this f****** problem; we can just go straight to the checkout!”

Female Customer: *Loudly* “AND they haven’t limited the amount of pasta you can buy!”

Me: *Loudly, to them* “There are eleven people and eleven checkouts; it’ll be a few minutes.”

They ignore me and continue to loudly complain about how awful and stupid our policies are, and how good [Other Supermarket] is. At this point, the queue includes my off-the-clock colleague, my mum, and me, and then this couple. My colleague walks up the queue as she’s called this couple forward several times to use the basket shop and they’ve been too busy complaining to hear her.

Checkout Queue Colleague: “EXCUSE ME! You can go to the basket shop! Please and thank you!”

Male Customer: “F****** rude! [Other Supermarket]—”

Mum: *Yelling* “If [Other Supermarket] is so great, why don’t you just shop there and save us the headache?!”

Female Customer: “Because they’re out of pasta!”

All Of Us: “THAT’S WHY WE’VE LIMITED THE PASTA TO THREE PACKETS PER SHOP!”

The couple scurried to the basket shop.

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Jesus Died For Your Shopping Spree

, , , , , | Right | May 21, 2020

I work at a supermarket as a baker. Currently, due to the disease outbreak that’s gripping pretty much everywhere, we’re in lockdown and time has lost meaning. I get to work and there’s a massive queue of customers waiting to get in. It’s 6:00 am.

Customer: *To me* “Why isn’t the store open? Shouldn’t it open at 6:00 am?”

Me: “It’s Good Friday. We open at eight.”

There was a cry of various swear words, laughing, and then a mass of people leaving cause they weren’t gonna hang around for two hours.

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Mmm, Viral Sandwich

, , , , , , , | Right | May 20, 2020

It’s lockdown time. My wife and I run out to our local market for some needed hunker-down supplies. This store sells pre-made deli sandwiches, and I decide to grab one for lunch as a morale-boosting treat, figuring the store’s normal sanitary procedures are good.

As I approach, I see two elderly women bent over the cooler where the sandwiches are sold. Stopping six feet away, I wait for them to move so that I can make my selection. Then I realize that they are squeezing every sandwich, discussing with each other which one is the freshest! They finally decided that one “will do” and move away.

Luckily, I have a sanitizing wipe with me. I eyeball the sandwich I want and wipe it down before taking it.

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