Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Bag Holder

, , , , , | Right | November 29, 2010

(I am a guy in my late teens, bagging groceries for a male cashier, when a woman in her mid-to-late thirties arrives at the till.)

Cashier: “Here you go, ma’am.”

Customer: “‘Ma’am?!’ Do I look old enough to be a ‘ma’am?!'”

Cashier: “Uh, sorry, miss.”

Customer: “‘Miss!’ That’s even worse! You make me feel like an old maid! I’m still young and beautiful! And you, bag boy! Make sure the eggs are on top, okay?”

Me: *miming shooting a gun and winking* “You got it, babe.”

Customer: *blushing* “I… uh… okay.”

Cashier: “Dude.”


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Fair Trade Waylaid

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, where is the tea?”

Me: “Right this way.”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade? It’s more expensive!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you are missing the point.”

Customer: “It’s more expensive! That isn’t very fair to me!”


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Read Her Lips

, , , , | Right | August 23, 2010

(I am scanning a customer’s order when I notice she is buying a $30 lip-gloss that is also being given away with a magazine).

Me: “Miss, if you’d like to buy [Magazine] for $7.20, you get this exact lip-gloss free inside.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the magazine. I just want the lip-gloss.”

Me: “I understand, but even if you give the magazine away, you still get the lip-gloss for $7.20 and save $22.80.”

Customer: “Do I look like a charity? I’m not going to give away a $7 magazine. Haven’t you heard of saving money?”

Me: “Well, yes, what I’m saying is you can save money by buying the magazine–”

Customer: “Stop trying to rip me off and scan my lip-gloss!”

(I ring up her lip-gloss for $30 and she storms off. The next customer puts the same magazine on the counter.)

Next Customer: “I don’t want it either, but I have half a brain.”

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Age Is Only A Social Security Number

, , | Right | August 12, 2010

(I am ringing up a middle-aged man.)

Customer: “You go to school, son?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I’m a college student.”

Customer: “Good, good. Be sure to start paying into Social Security. I’m going to need it soon.”

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Self-Diservice Checkout

, , | Right | August 5, 2010

(A customer is getting frustrated at the self-checkout.)

Customer: *shouting* “Miss! Miss!”

Me: *with another customer* “One minute, please, I’m helping this lady right now.”

Customer: *goes red in the face* “Miss!”

Me: “Give me a minute, please. I’ll come to you next.”

(The angry customer starts swearing and hitting the machine. The customer I am working with politely offers to wait while I go to the other customer. I apologize and go to the angry customer.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “The stupid machine stopped working!”

Me: “An item you have scanned isn’t on the metal bagging pad. Mind if I take a look?”

Customer: *grunts*

(I find that all but three items of a 30+ item shop has not been scanned. I explain the situation.)

Customer: “Oh God, no! I can’t do all this again!”

Me: “No problem! I’ll just put it all through for you.”

Customer: “No! It won’t save me any money that way!”

Me: “You don’t save any money with self-scan checkouts. I mean, you still pay for it all.”

Customer: “This is stupid! I shouldn’t have to pay for it all if I’m doing your job for you!”

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