Sweet Spice

, , , , , , | Right | March 13, 2011

(I work on the pizza counter at a large supermarket chain. We make individual pizzas for the customer.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t put jelly babies on pizzas. What else can I get you?”

Customer: *pause* “Jelly babies, please.”

Me: “Sir, we do not serve jelly babies here.”

(This continues for quite a while.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “We do not sell jelly babies!”

(The customer then angrily points to an ingredient on the counter.)

Me: “Sir, those are jalapeños.”

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What Came First, The Idiot Or The Egg

, , | Right | February 17, 2011

(After scanning some eggs I open the box look inside and close it again.)

Customer: “Why are you looking it the egg carton?”

Me: “I’m checking to make sure there are no broken ones.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought it was to make sure people weren’t stealing stuff by hiding it in the eggs…”

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You (Could Have) Had Me At Hello

, , , , | Right | February 3, 2011

(I’m an employee stocking the shelf at one end of an aisle. A customer enters at the far end by the milk and is coughing constantly.)

Customer: *coughs*

(I briefly glance over. She’s staring at the milk.)

Customer: *coughs again*

(There’s a long pause. She’s still staring at the milk.)

Customer: *loud coughing*

(I turn to see if she is covering her mouth, but instead, see her charging down the aisle at me.)

Customer: “What is wrong with you?! I’ve been coughing to get your attention down there for five minutes! ”

Me: “Ma’am, I glanced over at you several times. You never looked at me.”

Customer: “Oh, yes I did! What does a person have to do here, fall on the floor and have a seizure to get some milk?!”


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A Pregnant Pause For Thought

, , , , | Right | January 12, 2011

Customer: “Where are the pregnancy test kits?”

Me: “Over there, by the condoms.”

Customer: “If I knew where the condoms were, I wouldn’t need the pregnancy test!”

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Cash Back, Government Style, Part 2

, , , , | Right | December 16, 2010

(We have a pay-point for customers who pay for their gas and electricity on a pay-as-you-go plan.)

Me: “Hi there, how can I help?”

(The customer pushes £20 note and a gas card into my hand.)

Customer: “I want £10 back.”

Me: “So you want £10 on the gas with £10 change?”

Customer: “No, I want £20 on the gas and £10 cash-back. You know, cash-back? Like from the till?

Me: “I’m afraid we only offer cash-back when you’re paying with a debit card.”

Customer: “I don’t have a debit card. Can’t you do it anyway?”

Me: “No. Cash-back is money taken from your debit account. Like it’s from an ATM.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, you’re asking for £10 cash-back without paying for it from an account. You’re basically asking for me to give you free money.”

Customer: “Isn’t that how it works?”

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