Singing For Your Supper

| MO, USA | Working | July 20, 2016

(My mom, brother, and I are babysitting my elementary school-age cousins. We take them out to eat at a pizza place where they can also play games. Afterwards, we stop at the supermarket for some much needed groceries. At the checkout, the cashier, a woman in her sixties, is watching my brother intensely as he is singing to my cousins to entertain them. Right after my mother pays, the cashier is about to hand the receipt to my mom when she suddenly pulls it out of my mom’s reach.)

Cashier: “Young man, it’s been a long day. Can you sing me a love song? I won’t give you your receipt until you do.”

(My brother turns bright red.)

Mom: “Please do it. I need the receipt.”

(My brother sings the beginning to ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ by Bonnie Tyler. He stops after singing the chorus. By this time his face is beet red and he isn’t putting much effort into singing the song because he’s embarrassed.)

Cashier: “Stop. You’re not singing with enough emotion.” *reluctantly hands over the receipt to my mom* “Have a nice day.”

(We left the store and on the car ride home, the kids couldn’t stop singing the song. They told their parents to let us babysit them more often.)

Nun Too Impressed

| Middletown, PA, USA | Friendly | July 11, 2016

(My friends and I walk into the supermarket late one night. There is a tray of free samples near the door, but when we walk up to it we see that all the samples are gone.)

Me: *blurt out without thinking* “S***!”

(My friends burst into laughter.)

Friend: *pretending to be shocked* “[My Name]! What if there had been little children and nuns standing around?”

The Key To Not Oversleeping

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Working | July 9, 2016

(I am a supervisor for the service desk, but because I live close to the store, I am also a trusted key holder for the store as well. At about 4:45 am I am woken by the phone ringing.)

Me: “Hello?”

Baker #2: “Hi, it’s [Baker #2] here. Just wondering, do you have a key for the back door?”

Me: “Yeah. What’s wrong?”

Baker #2: “[Baker #1] overslept his alarm and is two hours late and there is no-one in the store to open the door so we can’t start work.”

Me: “Okay, give me about five minutes and I’ll be down there.”

(I travel to the store and find Baker #1, Baker #2, and Bakery Manager all out the back waiting for me to open the door. I open the door and disarm the alarm system. Before leaving, I say to Baker #1:)

Me: “If you ever cause me to have to take a phone call like that at 4:45 in the morning again, I will jam this key far up you a** and turn your heart off.”

Bakery Manager: *doubled over laughing*

Baker #1: “Righto, sounds fair.”


| Bristol, England, UK | Right | July 8, 2016

(We’ve just had some new staff start, and I’m working in one of the aisles when one of them calls me over. In the UK, chip and pin has been used for many years now. Most people under a certain age have never had to use the swipe method.)

Coworker: “[My Name], what do I do when it says ‘swipe card’?”

Me: *coming over* “You use the magnetic strip on the card and swipe it on the side.”

(At this point I’m behind the till with her, and I take the customer’s card out of the machine to show her. The customer, an older woman, chimes in.)

Customer: “I don’t understand what’s wrong; I’ve always used this card this way.”

(It’s now I notice the card I’m holding is the wrong way round in the machine, which would made the machine think it didn’t have a chip and ask for a reinsert before giving up and asking for a swipe.)

Me: “This way?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “This is the wrong way round. This bit—” *points at the chip* “—needs to go in the machine.”

Customer: “No it isn’t! That bit—“ *points at the silver hologram logo on the card* “—goes in!”

(I don’t say anything. I cancel the card transaction and start it again so it lets the card be inserted. I put it in the correct way, the customer insisting it’s the wrong way. Surprise… it works. Once the customer has left, I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “Some people put their cards in the wrong way. Most of them realise. Some don’t.”

(I then explain to her how to tell from our side if the card is in the wrong way, and then what to do when there is a “swipe card”. We both agree that the customer was either too proud to admit she was wrong, or didn’t trust us because we are both quite young.)

Cause For Pregnant Pause

| London, England, UK | Friendly | July 3, 2016

(I am pregnant. There isn’t any significant weight gain on the rest of my body, so unless you could see my stomach you wouldn’t think I am pregnant. I am around eight and a half months pregnant and I’m picking up some shopping at the supermarket.)

Me: *minding my own business walking down the aisle*

Colleague: *loudly, from behind her* “You lying b****!”

Me: *turns around, showing my pregnant belly, and recognises my colleague* “Oh, hi, [Colleague]. Were you shouting that at me?”

Colleague: “Oh! I heard you were pregnant but you don’t look it from behind so I thought you were making it up to get paid leave.”

Me: “Well, thanks for saying that, but—“

Colleague: “Yeah, you just look like a fat b****!”

(Two weeks later, almost exactly nine months, my baby was born at 8lbs 5oz. Thanks to that rude coworker I decided to change my career and now am a practitioner at a special needs primary school!)

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