Youth Is Wasted By The Old

| | Right | May 28, 2008

(A very old lady, clearly hard of hearing and sight walks over to me.)

Customer: “Young man! You don’t have any Canola Harvest butter on the shelf!”

(I had stocked Canola Harvest margarine not 20 minutes earlier.)

Me: “Are you sure? I was certain we had–”

Customer: “You don’t have it. I already looked at your shelf.”

Me: “They changed the label on the tub last week. You probably don’t recognize–”

Customer: “I KNOW where it goes, young man. You don’t have it on the shelf!”

Me: “Let’s go check one more time.”

Customer: “You’re a buffoon, completely incapable! I need an adult… you should get me your manager!”

(We arrive, I pull a tub of Canola Harvest off the shelf and hold it to her.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Canola Harvest.”

Customer: “That’s NOT Canola Harvest! It comes in a white container! Get me your manager!”

Me: *reading the tub* “Canola… Harvest. It’s a new label, is all.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. You must’ve changed the label on me again. *laughs* You should’ve told me it was a different color, young man!”

Me: *gun-finger-to-head*

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Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown

| | Right | May 22, 2008

(I’m confronted by a customer with an extremely high pitched voice and impenetrable Highland accent. This is one of those tiny old Scottish women with a headscarf nailed on and muscles like steel wires. They are a common sight in the East of Scotland, and are almost immortal. Only the slow action of the wind off the north sea will gradually erode them.)

Me: “That will be £***, please.”

Old Lady: “Areyenamerican?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Old Lady: “Ah sid, are ye Namerican?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I missed that.”

Old Lady: “Are… ye… an… American?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I misheard you. No, I’m English.”

Old Lady: “Oh… why?”

(I have spent much of the last three years trying to come up with a satisfactory answer. As yet I have made no progress.)

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Time For A Tenth Circle Of H*ll

, | | Right | April 18, 2008

(I was working checkout, in the express lane (15 items or less). A lady with a very full trolley comes up.)

Lady: “Hi! Is this an express lane?”

Me: “Yep. You might want to go through another–”

Lady: *starts unloading stuff* “Good. I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “?!”

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Always Right, Even With Other Customers

, | | Right | April 3, 2008

(I’m a customer putting my groceries on the conveyor belt, and I realise I’ve forgotten one item. Half way through loading my stuff onto the conveyor, I stop, and sprint across the store to pick up this item. As I get back, two little old ladies have put a separator immediately behind my groceries.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not quite finished. I forgot an item.”

Old lady: “Oh, it’s okay. I’ve just put this here.” *points at the separator*

Me: “But I need more space for the rest of my groceries. Can you move your stuff back, please?”

Till Assistant: “‘Scuse me, love, he’s not finished.”

Old lady: “I KNOW! I’VE JUST PUT THIS HERE!” *points at the separator*

Me & the till assistant: “Huh?”

Old lady: “Oh, nevermind! We’ll go to another till! We can’t wait for HIM and HER to finish their rubbish!”

*old lady storms off*

(Seriously, WTF?)

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Meatheaded

| | Right | January 24, 2008

(A customer walks up to counter and stares at produce.)

Customer: “Don’t you have any vegetarian sausages?”

Me: “This is a meat counter; we only have meat. We should have some prepacked though.”

Customer: “But, I want to buy from here. Why don’t you sell them?”

Me: “We only have meat on the meat counter, I’m afraid. Is there anything else you would like?”

Customer: “Do you have tofu burgers here??”

Me: “…”

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