Fried Brain Fried Cakes

| Pennsylvania, USA | Right | September 20, 2011

(I work in the kosher deli section of a supermarket.)

Customer: “I need ten potato pancakes, please.”

(There are only four potato pancakes in the display case. I check the cooler, but there are no more in there.)

Me: “Please excuse me, ma’am, but we only have four potato pancakes right now. I’m going to call my manager to see if we have any more in the back.”

(I call my manager. Unfortunately, the four potato pancakes in my case are the only ones in the store. We are all out. I relay this fact to the customer.)

Customer: “Could you please make some more? We have company coming over later and I need at least ten potato pancakes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t make the potato pancakes here. We buy them pre-made from another company and we don’t have any more in stock right now.”

Customer: “But can’t you just go in the back and make some more?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I cannot. As I said, we don’t make them here. We buy them pre-made from another company.”

Customer: “I understand that, but can’t you just make more?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I cannot. We buy them pre-made. We don’t make them here.”

Customer: “Yeah, I get that, but why won’t you just make more?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not make them here. We buy them pre-made from another company. I don’t have a kitchen in the back because there is no in-back for this section, and even if there was, I don’t have the ingredients.”

Customer: “Yes, I know, but why won’t you make more of them?”

(At this point, the customer’s husband walks up.)

Husband: “What’s going on?”

Customer: “He’ll only sell me those four pancakes in the case. He won’t make any more!”

Husband: “Why won’t you make any more?”

Me: “Sir, I’m very sorry, but as I explained to your wife, we do not make the potato pancakes here in the store. We buy them pre-made from another company. We’re actually not allowed to cook any hot food in this section, as it would be a health code violation.”

Customer: “I know that, but why won’t you make more?”

(The customer’s husband looks at her like she’s crazy.)

Husband: “Honey, they buy the potato pancakes already made from somewhere else. They don’t cook them here.”

Customer: “I know that! Why won’t they make more?!”

Husband: “Honey, shut up.” *turns to me* “I’m very sorry. Can we just have the four potato pancakes in the display?”

Me: “Sure thing, sir.”

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Fresh Until Proven Spoiled

| Sydney, Australia | Right | September 1, 2011

(A customer comes to the return desk the day after Christmas.)

Customer: “This ham smells off. Smell it. I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry that it was off, sir. I’ll refund you now.”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to smell it?”

Me: “Um…it’s okay. I believe you.”

Customer: “It smells terrible!”

Me: “I’m sure it does, sir, but it’s not necessary for me to smell it. I’ll just give you the refund.”

Customer: “How do you know I’m not lying if you won’t smell it?”

Me: “Sir, I am not going to smell your ham.”

Customer: “SMELL MY HAM!”

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Spare Change For Cheap Thrills

| NJ, USA | Right | August 26, 2011

(I am a cashier in a grocery store. I have just rung up an elderly man’s groceries. Keep in mind this man is around 80 years old.)

Me: “Your total is $52.83, sir.”

Customer: *holds out hand full of change* “Can you pick out the right amount for me, honey?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I carefully start counting out change from his open hand.)

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll let you touch my hand so I can get a thrill. Even at 80, I still get thrills, you know!”

Me: *speechless*

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The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 4

| Nashville, TN, USA | Right | August 9, 2011

(Back in 1990, my mom worked at a coffee chain. She had never given incorrect change for the year she worked there. On her last day of work, a customer orders a $0.90 drink, and the total comes out to $0.99. He hands her a $1, leaves, and comes back 5 minutes later.)

Customer: “You b****, you gave me the wrong change!”

Cashier: “Well–”

Customer: *yelling* “I want to see the manager!”

Manager: *walks in* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “This dumba** woman gave me the wrong change! I gave her a $20 and she only gave me 1 cent back!”

Manager: *looking at cashier* “Give him $19 to make up the difference!”

Cashier: “But, he paid with a sing–”

Manager: “I said, give him back his money. God, women are so bad at math.”

(The cashier hands over the money. At the end of the day, she was fired for being exactly $19 short.)

 

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There Is No Expiration On Your Stupidity

| Midlands, UK | Right | July 21, 2011

(A customer comes to the till with a large bottle of milk.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this. It’s expired.”

Me: “It says on the receipt that you bought it last week.”

Customer: “Yes, but I haven’t used it. It’s expired.”

Me: “The expiration date is yesterday. It was well in date when you bought it.”

Customer: “Yes, but I didn’t use it, so you have to give me a refund.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t give a refund for that. It was within date when you bought it.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you change it, at least?”

Me: “You want to swap some expired milk for fresh milk?”

Customer: “No, just change the label so it’s in date again.”

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