When Customers Actually Give A Jam

| Montpellier, France | Right | October 5, 2012

(At the checkout counter, a mother and her son are behind an elderly lady in line. The kid keeps bumping on the elderly lady with their shopping cart.)

Elderly Lady: “Excuse me, young lady, could you please tell your son to stop pushing your cart on me?”

Mother: “No way! You must not upset children! That’s how they get traumatized!”

(The mother indeed does nothing to stop her son. Suddenly, another customer—young man standing in line behind them—takes a jar of jam, opens it, and pours it on the mother’s head.)

Mother: *shocked and dripping with jam* “Are you CRAZY? What the h*** are you doing?”

Young Man: “Listen, lady. You see, I was also raised like this, with no limits. I did everything and whatever I wanted… and I still do!”

(The mother quickly leaves the store with her son, angry and covered with jam. For the record, the elderly lady insisted to pay for the jam.)

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Not So Profound Profanities

| UK | Right | October 3, 2012

(While waiting at the self-checkout tills, I overhear this conversation.)

Customer #1: “This bloody till won’t work! Why won’t it scan my coupons?”

(At this, an employee appears to help.)

Employee: “Here we are, ma’am. You just put your coupons in this slot here and it should work.”

(Suddenly, a middle-aged woman with a young daughter who are using another self-checkout pipes up.)

Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “Excuse me, could you please refrain from using language like that in public? I don’t want my daughter picking up bad habits”.

Customer #1: “Oh, of course!” *to Customer #2’s daughter* “I’m sorry, sweetie. Never ever use the word you heard me use just now…”

Customer #2: “Thanks!”

(Customer #2 smiles and gets back to scanning her items, but Customer #1 isn’t done speaking.)

Customer #1: “…unless you’re really f***ed off, that is!”

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Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 4

| Australia | Right | October 1, 2012

(I’m stacking shelves next to the chip display when this happens. Note: The display is very large thus hard to miss.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help me?”

Me: “Of course. What can I do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I was wondering what aisle the chips are in?”

(I’m a little stunned, as she is standing right next to them.)

Me: “Um, just right there.” *points to chips*

Customer: “No! I asked what AISLE they were in.”

Me: “Um, ma’am you’re standing right—”

Customer: “FOR F***’S SAKE! CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT AISLE THE CHIPS ARE IN?”

Me: “A-Aisle 7.”

Customer: “Thank you! Now was it really that hard?”

(The customer arrives back at the display a few minutes later.)

Customer: *grabs chips* “You could have f***ing told me I was standing right f***ing next to them! HONESTLY! What is this world coming to?!”

Me: *speechless*

 

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Driving Customers Away

| KY, USA | Working | September 22, 2012

(I am a twenty-three-year old college student, but I can’t drive for medical reasons. On this particular day, I’ve ridden to the store with a friend to keep her company. She’s paying for groceries while talking to me when the cashier starts up a conversation.)

Cashier: “College students?”

My Friend: “Oh, yeah. We go to [college name]! Did the ramen and energy drinks give it away?”

Cashier: “Heh. Yeah, kind of. Actually, I go to [other college] right now. Sucks to have to drive an hour to get there.”

Me: “Yeah, I kinda get that feeling. I used to have to walk an hour to class before I transferred to [college name].”

Cashier: *confused* “Why didn’t you just drive?”

Me: “I can’t drive, actually.”

Cashier: “You can’t drive?”

Me: “Nuh-uh.”

Cashier: “And you go to college?”

Me: “…Yes?”

Cashier: “You are destined to fail!”

(At this point, my friend and I are just staring at her, speechless.)

Cashier: “What’s wrong with you?! You should just quit school right now. People who can’t drive can’t be a part of society. You absolutely HAVE to have a car to do anything!”

Me: “Er… I’ve… actually never had any problems out of it.”

Cashier: “But you WILL! What if you get a job two hours away?”

Me: “… I move two hours away? I moved two hours away to finish college.”

Cashier: “Do you have a job?”

Me: “I’m a receptionist.”

Cashier: “How do you get to work?!”

Me: “I walk?”

Cashier: “Drop out or learn to drive!”

(As we’re walking out, my friend stops and turns to me.)

My Friend: “I have no idea what just happened, but I think everyone involved is dumber for the experience.”

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Illogically Theological

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Working | September 18, 2012

(My coworker and I are doing a child safety promotion in front of a supermarket on Easter weekend. The neighborhood happens to be predominantly Jewish, and 95% of the customers coming in are wearing yarmulkes or headscarves. The vast majority of the men also have the traditional peyot—the curled sideburns.)

Me: *to a customer* “Hi, did you want us to fingerprint your kids? It’s free, and it’s just for you to take home.”

Customer: “No thanks.”

Me: “Okay, have a great day!”

Coworker: “…and have a happy Easter!”

Customer: *gives my coworker a weird look and walks out*

Me: *to my coworker* “I don’t think they celebrate Easter.”

Coworker: “Why not?”

Me: “They’re Jewish.”

Coworker: “How can you tell?”

Me: “Did you see the those hats the men wore? Those are Yarmulke. It’s part of the Jewish religion.”

Coworker: “Okay…”

(The next customer comes out, the scenario repeats, and again, my coworker says “Happy Easter” to someone in a Yarmulke.)

Me: “You know, if you keep doing that, you might offend someone.”

Coworker: “But who doesn’t love Jesus?!”

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