The Daddy Of Conversational Slips

, , , , | Working | July 21, 2018

(My dad goes in for a routine operation and dies on the operating table. My family and I are devastated. The supermarket I work for allows two weeks bereavement for the death of a parent, which I take. This is my first day back. Note that I’ve had to deal with a lot of people during my two weeks off, and I’m slightly sick of everybody feeling sorry for me. As a result, I’m a little defensive and harsh around the subject of my father’s death.)

Coworker: “Oh, hi, [My Name]. Good to see you! Did you have a good time off?”

(I know for a fact this coworker knows why I was off, and I give her a quizzical look.)

Me: “Um, not particularly.”

Coworker: “Really?! But I’d love to have two weeks off work, paid. Think of all the fun stuff you could go do!”

Me: “Yes, well, I think I’d rather have my father alive and well. But we can’t always have what we want.”

(I walked away as she stared at me with a shocked look on her face. I think she was just trying to make conversation, or maybe she had forgotten my current situation. Either way, it was a few weeks until she dared talk to me again!)


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Some Customers Can’t Help It

, , , | Right | July 20, 2018

(I am a cashier in a large supermarket. One day I am putting up housewares when a couple comes up to me:)

Customer: “Do you work over here?” *points to housewares*

Me: *jokingly* “No, I’m just a cashier; we don’t know much.” *seriously* “But if I can’t help, I will find someone who can. What can I help you with?”

Customer: *laughs at my joke* “Well, I need to know if you have any [weird thing].”

Me: “I don’t believe we have any of them, but I will go ask [Coworker]; she will know for sure.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay.” *she walks away* “She didn’t even try to help us!”


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Didn’t Read Too Much Into It

, , | Right | July 20, 2018

(This story takes place after the store I work at has been upgraded to a bigger store. I am stocking the shelves with a coworker when a gentleman approaches me with the store leaflet in his hand.)

Customer: “Hi, I am looking for [Soy Sauce Brand].”

Me: “I am terribly sorry, sir, but it seems like we haven’t got that in stock at our store. I am sure there is another store that will have it in stock, though. Should I check for you?”

Customer: “What do you mean you haven’t gotten it in stock? You are supposed to have it in stock!”

Me: “Unfortunately, not all stores get the same items, sir.”

(In Denmark, we have a countrywide organisation who deals with complaints from customers, something everyone is aware of. He then decides to say the following.)

Customer: “This is misleading advertising. I am going to complain to [Complaint Agency], and everyone will know that you scam people.”

Me: “You are welcome to do that, but it clearly says on the leaflet that not all stores carry certain items.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t. I have read it several times, and nowhere does it say that.”

(I have had enough. I take my own leaflet from my back pocket, turn to the very last page, and point it out to the customer. Sure enough, it says, “Not all stores carry all the items displayed in this leaflet.” The customer turns purple-ish red, turns around on the spot, and leaves in a hurry.)

Coworker: “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “Yep. Some people just will not read the entire leaflet.”

Not An Employee, But Employees Wish They Could Do That

, , , , | Right | July 18, 2018

(I’m an employee in a supermarket. One of our regulars is an autistic young man who is tall, wide, and built like a wrestler. He also has some unique social quirks, the main one being his mood; he’s either very social, friendly, helpful, and attentive, or just in a plain bad mood. He also has the habit of dressing in shirts from various animes, and a red vest which has a darker shade of red than the employee shirts; this causes some customers to confuse him for an employee, despite his vest lacking the store logo. Here’s one of the situations we had with him. He’s choosing fruit to buy, and he’s having a bad mood day.)

Customer: “Excuse me. These apples look rotten.”

Regular: “Not an employee.”

Customer: “What do you mean? You’re wearing a red shirt; go get me fresh apples!”

(He finishes choosing his fruits and walks over to the next aisle. The lady follows him and starts to get angry, so I head over.)

Customer: “Hey, don’t ignore me! Do your work!”

Me: “Ma’am, he’s not an employee. I’ll help you with your apples. Now, please stop shouting and don’t make him angry.”

Customer: “I don’t care! He should be polite to customers!”

(She gets fed up and swings her purse at him, which he catches and yanks from her hands before flinging it over the wall into another aisle. He turns to the lady, red-faced, eyes narrowed, and breathing heavily.)

Regular: “NOT. AN. EMPLOYEE!”

(He calmed down pretty much instantly and continued his shopping. The next time I saw him, he was in his good mood, and he came right over to me and apologized for five minutes about causing a scene.)

Not Billed To Be The Next Great Conman

, , , , | Legal | July 18, 2018

(I am working the cash register when an unknown customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Hello. I have lots of 10€ notes I’d like to exchange for bigger notes.”

Me: “Sure. We are actually low on 10€ notes today, so that is great! How many did you have?”

(The customer then proceeds to pull a big stack of 10s out of his pocket.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. We don’t actually keep that many big bills in the till. Looks like most I can do for you today is 250€.”

Customer: “Okay, fine.”

(I don’t hand him the money yet. I decide it’s best to keep it safely in the till until I’ve checked his notes. Then he starts to count 25 bills from the stack really fast. After he hands me the bills, I check and count them, and notice he actually gave me 24 bills. When I tell him this, he takes the 24 bills back and starts counting them again, lightning fast.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry, looks like you’re right. Here’s one more.”

(He hands me back the stack of bills, plus one more from his pocket. I’m beyond suspicious at this point, so I start counting them again.)

Customer: *slightly panicked* “No, no, you don’t have to do that. You just counted them already!”

Me: “Errm, I’m kind of glad I did. Instead of 24 or 25 bills, there’s 16 now…”

(At this, he snatched the stack of 10s from my hands and ran out of the store. I closed my lane and went to tell the manager. My manager and a few department supervisors checked the surveillance footage of the camera pointed at my till after that. They actually had to play it at a three-times lower speed before they could see at what point he had taken part of the stack and hidden it up his sleeve. Turned out he had done this at lots of other supermarkets in the area, too, and had succeeded most of the time! They gave me a gift card for not falling for it!)

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