An Orgy Of Unwanted Imagery

, , , | | Right | May 17, 2019

(I work at a supermarket. One morning, I’m putting through an older man’s basket that has a few bottles of wine in it and he decides to say this:)

Customer: “I have enough alcohol here for a drunken orgy!”

Me: *stares*

Customer: “I’m only joking! I’ve never had one.”

(He’s a regular customer. I’ve been unable to look at him in the same way since.)

Another Form Of Excommunication

, , , | | Right | May 16, 2019

(A coworker is just leaving work.)

Coworker: “Finally. I’m done. Now I’m going to call my ex-girlfriend.”

Me: “Why would you want to call her?”

Coworker: “Because I’m stupid.”

Me: “I’m not going there.”

(A customer has overheard our conversation.)

Customer: “What did she say?”

Me: “Who?”

(The customer points to my coworker.)

Me: “She said she was going to give her ex-girlfriend a call.”

Customer: “If I ever gave my ex a call, it’d be to wish her a happy cremation.”

Walking A Few Feet Is Just Banana Drama

, , , | | Right | May 15, 2019

(Our self-checkouts are at the opposite end of the store from where the produce department is. Sometimes, we put returns there. Other times, though, if customers forget things they will leave their cart by the registers and go grab the forgotten items. A customer approaches me one night.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Is this anyone’s cart?”

Me: “I’m not sure. It could be returns, but it might not be.”

Customer: “Oh, I was just wondering because it has bananas in it. I really need bananas but don’t feel like walking all the way to the produce department, so I was just going to take them out of the cart.”

Me: “Yeah, I wouldn’t touch it. You wouldn’t want someone touching your cart.”

Customer: “I guess I just was hoping not to have to walk ALL THE WAY OVER THERE!”

Unfiltered Story #149711

, | | Unfiltered | May 12, 2019

I’ve had possibly the worst 6 months of my life, but recently everything is looking up finally. This week I paid off a hefty loan and flew my sister from another state for brain surgery, completely out of my own pocket as my mother is extremely poor.

A regular of mine came in and was chatting away, when my phone buzzed in the drawer next to me.

Me: “I’m sorry, thats the hospital calling again. My partner is there though, I’m sure everything is fine.

Customer: Oh, doesn’t he work nights? He should be asleep! And why are you here? You should be there.”

Me: “Well, I wasn’t going to let a three year old go blind because she couldn’t get treatment, and medical bills are expensive. You know what (customers husbands name)’s bills are like. (My partner) and I have been switching staying with her, so we can both work and she’ll have someone to wake up to.”

Customer: Oh… You did all that for her? You’re not getting anything back either are you?”

Me: “Family isn’t expendable, money is. We both work, we’ll be fine. I just want her to open her eyes.”

Customer: “Thats so kind of you.”

Me: “Its not, its human decency. How’s your husband doing? And the kids?”

(We continue talking through the hefty transaction, and as I had her receipt to her, she takes my hand a pushes paper into my palm.)

Customer: “You look after me, and everyone else it seems, make sure you’re okay too. Put that in your pocket and don’t lose it.”

(I thanked her and continued my shift. When I got to finally see what it was, I realised she’d handed me cash. I unashamedly cried. The next day, my sister opened her eyes to see *for the first time* a teddy bear the size of her, which is now the customers name sake.)

Those Darn Vegans And Their Avocados!

, , , , | | Right | May 7, 2019

(I am in the local supermarket. This particular supermarket has its own radio show that is played all day. As well as playing music, they often share trivia or interesting facts and such. One such fact that the presenter gives is that experts fear that the iconic Sunday roast will be extinct in ten to twenty years. An old man not far from me stiffens and scowls and turns to the woman with him.)

Man: “It’s those f****** vegans! They’re killing the Sunday roast! What the h*** is wrong with kids these days? Back in my day, we didn’t complain; we ate what we were told to. I didn’t fight in a war just for those cry babies to cry and whinge all the time. I tell you, kids these days have no manners and only care about themselves!”

(He continues to rant and complain about how vegans are the problem, getting angrier and angrier. The woman with him manages to calm him down and they move on. A staff member comes up to me.)

Staff Member: “Is everything okay? What happened?”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry. It’s just the vegans.”

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