Well, You Can Just Go Suck On It!

| UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m providing samples for a new local sweet. A customer approaches my stall as she enters the store.)

Customer: “What are these?”

Me: “They’re chocolate covered—“

(The customer doesn’t wait for me to finish my sentence before taking a sample and spending about five minutes sucking on it. During this time she is ‘umming’ and ‘ahhing’ at the deliciousness of the sweet. She’s really selling product for me and plenty of people come up, curious to find out what’s going on. However, whenever someone tries to take a sample she turns to them and mumbles how rude they are to push ahead of her, so eventually there is a long line of people waiting for her to finish. I try to take a plate around to the other customers but she shouts at me, takes the plate, and drops it back on the stall. The line slowly disperses with disgruntled looks at the woman while I look apologetic at everyone. Eventually she speaks again.)

Customer: “Oh! The centre is different. It’s delicious! What is it?”

Me: “Well, the outside it chocolate and the inside is aniseed balls you may have had as a child.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t like aniseed.”

(The customer then turns and walks away, with the aniseed ball still in her mouth. I’m a little confused, but just shake it off and get on with my work. About half an hour later I see her again, leaving with her shopping.)

Customer: “They really are delicious, by the way. Shame about the aniseed. I just can’t stand it.”

(She then left the store, still sucking on the aniseed ball.)

It’s Gonna Be A Long Summer

| NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’ve just finished training to be a cashier at this store, and I’m still not able to recognize a lot of the produce on sight. A customer places an order on the belt that includes what I believe to be summer squash, so I ring it up as such. However, when I announce his total the customer squints at the screen behind me that displays his purchases and says:)

Customer: “Oh, wait, I didn’t get any summer squash. There must have been some kind of mistake.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry, sir! I’m new here and haven’t really learned all the produce yet. Here, let me fix that for you.”

(After canceling the item, I pulled the produce back out of the bag.)

Me: “Okay, now, would you mind telling me what this really is so I can ring it up correctly?”

Customer: “It’s…some kind of squash.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but what kind is it?”

Customer: “It’s uh, it’s some kind of squash.”

Me: “I know that sir, but what KIND is it?”

Customer: “Um, I’m not sure. Can’t you just ring it up?”

Me: “Sir, we have over twenty kinds of squash for sale in our store, and they are not all priced the same. I need some kind of… kind.”

(I ended up reading him the entire list of squash vegetables that could be rung up by the computer, and none of them rang any bells.)

Customer: *frustrated* “Can’t you just ring it up? It’s some kind of squash!”

Me: “You want to know if I can ring it up as ‘Some Kind Of Squash?'”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “…No.”

(I decide to call a manger over, but before I can the customer leans over to get another look at the squash, which has been sitting on the scanner in front of me the whole time.)

Customer: “Oh, wait! I remember what it is now!”

Me: *excited* “Really?”

Customer: *triumphantly* “Yeah! It’s summer squash!”

Me: “…”

(I mentioned this story to my manager in passing later on, and do you know what he said? “Welcome to customer service.”)

Children Of Crime

| UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(It’s busy at work so I decide to hop on a checkout. I have processed a couple of customers when I notice everything on the conveyor belt for my next customer has been opened.)

Me: “Miss, we prefer to have you wait until after purchasing before… eating your shopping.”

Woman: “Oh, my son was hungry. You can’t expect him to sit there quietly when he’s hungry!”

Me: *looking at the toddler in the trolley seat and then at the woman’s shopping* “Sure, but, you gave him whiskey?”

(The woman turned beet red and decided to sprint for the door, leaving her shopping and CHILD behind. She jumped in her car and sped off. We got in touch with the police and while giving statements in the back the woman came back in wearing something completely different and trying to act incognito. We all went down and when she saw the police she tried to do a runner again. I was honestly trying to hold laughter in while the police arrested her for robbery, child neglect, and drunk driving. Her son was smiling and laughing throughout.)

The Story Isn’t Worthy Of The Magazine

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a large supermarket chain which releases a new free magazine for customers each month which includes recipes as well as information about new products we sell and promotions we are running. The magazines are very popular and, as each store only gets a certain amount, and there is no limit to how many a customer can take, it’s not uncommon for us to run out before the month is over. This takes place the day the new magazine has come out.)

Customer #1: “I love these magazines! Would it be all right if I took three?”

Me: “You can have as many as you would like!”

Customer #1: “Awesome!” *jokingly* “I like to sell them on the black market!”

Me: *jokingly* “The trick is to wait until we run out, then you’ll make a killing!

(After Customer #1 has left, Customer #2 puts at least ten of the magazines in his bag.)

Customer #2: “I can’t believe idiots pay money for these! I can’t wait to make millions!”

Me: *laughs as I think he’s joking*

Customer #2: “I bet I can get at least $50 per magazine!”

(Out of morbid curiosity I later checked online. It turned out he tried to sell a free magazine online and got no bids. Clearly he thought free magazines would be a hot selling item at $50 plus $10 shipping each.)

Dumb Customers: Part Two

| UK | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(A customer phoned today:)

Customer: “I bought a DVD from your store and my husband and I watched it together. At the end it said ‘To Be Continued’. We looked on Amazon and apparently there isn’t going to be a sequel as the film studio won’t make one. We now don’t know how the story ends. We feel cheated. Can we have a refund?”

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