How To Eliminate A Customer’s Baggage

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers

(I work for a company that is known for having amazing customer service. However, we’re allowed to joke around with regulars. The regular in question is a large imposing man in his late 40s and I’m a small 20-year-old girl.)

Me: “Would you like a bag?”

Regular: *sarcastically* “No, I’m going to put all of my shopping into my pockets.”

Me: *deadpan* “Well, okay then.”

(I put the bags away and starts scanning things through without breaking eye contact.)

Regular: *looks away sheepishly* “Maybe I do need a bag…”

Wants The ‘Back In Time’ Discount

| Canterbury, Kent, UK | Crazy Requests

(A customer enters the supermarket and goes to the customer service desk. She is carrying an empty bottle of wine.)

Customer: “Hi, I bought this last week and I’ve been overcharged! I paid [price] and it’s now [half that price]. I have my receipt.”

Coworker: *at Customer Service Desk* “I’m sorry, madam, but it only went onto the promotion today. It’s been full price up until yesterday.”

Customer: “No, it was half price! I’ve been ripped off!”

(This goes back and forth for a few minutes, with the customer insisting she’s right. My friend, who works on the wine department, is called over.)

Friend: “Yes, it definitely was not half price last week. It went down to half price TODAY and I put the ticket out this morning.”

Customer: “I want a manager!”

(A manager is called over. This manager is known for not taking any rubbish from customers. He is told the situation and explains yet again to the customer that she has not been overcharged.)

Customer: “But it’s half price!”

Manager: “Madam, do you play the lottery?”

Customer: *confused* “Yes?”

Manager: “So do I. Remember that £70 million jackpot last week? Well, it was won, so I went and bought a ticket using the exact same numbers that came up and then went to claim my £70 million. But they wouldn’t give it to me!”

Customer: “But that’s stupid!”

Manager: “Yes, it is!”

(The customer realised she wasn’t getting anywhere and stormed out.)

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 10

| UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

(I work for a well known supermarket delivering groceries to customers at home. As delivery drivers we are given a fairly wide range of power when it comes to refunding customers. We can more or less give away stock at the door providing its worth no more than about £5. That means if I deliver some milk and you aren’t happy with the sell-by date printed on it, I may just give it to you for free. Some customers however seem to think I can push this to insane limits. Customers have asked me to refund and allow them to keep £20 worth of meat produce. But perhaps the most memorable one for me was a customer had ordered a large and expensive bottle of scotch — probably £70 shelf price. The customer found fault with the fact that the cardboard box it came in had been squashed slightly.)

Customer: “This really is unacceptable, I mean this was supposed to be a gift, and look at it.”

Me: “I understand completely; this is very disappointing. I’m sure. I can obviously refund this for you.”

(The customer gets a triumphant look in his eye.)

Me: “I just need to scan the item to issues the refund.”

(The customer hands the bottle over and I scan it and return it to my trays.)

Customer: “Oh, no! I want to keep it!”

Me: “Oh, okay. then let me just cancel that refund.”

Customer: “But I want my refund, too!”

Me: “I am very sorry, but I can’t do that for you. The cost of this item is far too high for me to give it to you for free.”

Customer: “NO! YOU HAVE TO LET ME KEEP IT! THE LAST DRIVER LET ME KEEP MY MILK!”

Me: “Yes, for low value items we have some leeway, but I simply can’t allow you to not pay for an item that costs over £60.”

Customer: “Oh! I can’t just keep anything I want and not pay?”

Me: “No, you can’t. That would be theft.”

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 8
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 7

Well, You Can Just Go Suck On It!

| UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m providing samples for a new local sweet. A customer approaches my stall as she enters the store.)

Customer: “What are these?”

Me: “They’re chocolate covered—“

(The customer doesn’t wait for me to finish my sentence before taking a sample and spending about five minutes sucking on it. During this time she is ‘umming’ and ‘ahhing’ at the deliciousness of the sweet. She’s really selling product for me and plenty of people come up, curious to find out what’s going on. However, whenever someone tries to take a sample she turns to them and mumbles how rude they are to push ahead of her, so eventually there is a long line of people waiting for her to finish. I try to take a plate around to the other customers but she shouts at me, takes the plate, and drops it back on the stall. The line slowly disperses with disgruntled looks at the woman while I look apologetic at everyone. Eventually she speaks again.)

Customer: “Oh! The centre is different. It’s delicious! What is it?”

Me: “Well, the outside it chocolate and the inside is aniseed balls you may have had as a child.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t like aniseed.”

(The customer then turns and walks away, with the aniseed ball still in her mouth. I’m a little confused, but just shake it off and get on with my work. About half an hour later I see her again, leaving with her shopping.)

Customer: “They really are delicious, by the way. Shame about the aniseed. I just can’t stand it.”

(She then left the store, still sucking on the aniseed ball.)

It’s Gonna Be A Long Summer

| NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’ve just finished training to be a cashier at this store, and I’m still not able to recognize a lot of the produce on sight. A customer places an order on the belt that includes what I believe to be summer squash, so I ring it up as such. However, when I announce his total the customer squints at the screen behind me that displays his purchases and says:)

Customer: “Oh, wait, I didn’t get any summer squash. There must have been some kind of mistake.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry, sir! I’m new here and haven’t really learned all the produce yet. Here, let me fix that for you.”

(After canceling the item, I pulled the produce back out of the bag.)

Me: “Okay, now, would you mind telling me what this really is so I can ring it up correctly?”

Customer: “It’s…some kind of squash.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but what kind is it?”

Customer: “It’s uh, it’s some kind of squash.”

Me: “I know that sir, but what KIND is it?”

Customer: “Um, I’m not sure. Can’t you just ring it up?”

Me: “Sir, we have over twenty kinds of squash for sale in our store, and they are not all priced the same. I need some kind of… kind.”

(I ended up reading him the entire list of squash vegetables that could be rung up by the computer, and none of them rang any bells.)

Customer: *frustrated* “Can’t you just ring it up? It’s some kind of squash!”

Me: “You want to know if I can ring it up as ‘Some Kind Of Squash?'”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “…No.”

(I decide to call a manger over, but before I can the customer leans over to get another look at the squash, which has been sitting on the scanner in front of me the whole time.)

Customer: “Oh, wait! I remember what it is now!”

Me: *excited* “Really?”

Customer: *triumphantly* “Yeah! It’s summer squash!”

Me: “…”

(I mentioned this story to my manager in passing later on, and do you know what he said? “Welcome to customer service.”)

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