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The Story Isn’t Worthy Of The Magazine

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a large supermarket chain which releases a new free magazine for customers each month which includes recipes as well as information about new products we sell and promotions we are running. The magazines are very popular and as each store only gets a certain amount, and there is no limit to how many a customer can take, it’s not uncommon for us to run out before the month is over. This takes place the day the new magazine has come out.)

Customer #1: “I love these magazines! Would it be all right if I took three?”

Me: “You can have as many as you would like!”

Customer #1: “Awesome!” *jokingly* “I like to sell them on the black market!”

Me: *jokingly* “The trick is to wait until we run out, then you’ll make a killing!

(After Customer #1 has left, Customer #2 puts at least ten of the magazines in his bag.)

Customer #2: “I can’t believe idiots pay money for these! I can’t wait to make millions!”

Me: *laughs as I think he’s joking*

Customer #2: “I bet I can get at least $50 per magazine!”

(Out of morbid curiosity I later checked online. It turned out he tried to sell a free magazine online and got no bids. Clearly he thought free magazines would be a hot selling item at $50 plus $10 shipping each.)

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Dumb Customers: Part Two

| UK | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(A customer phoned today:)

Customer: “I bought a DVD from your store and my husband and I watched it together. At the end it said ‘To Be Continued’. We looked on Amazon and apparently there isn’t going to be a sequel as the film studio won’t make one. We now don’t know how the story ends. We feel cheated. Can we have a refund?”

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Caught You In A Jam

| York, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a store that has four floors. I work in the basement taking deliveries so I have very little knowledge of the supermarket itself save for which floor things go to. Occasionally I have to cross the shop floor to deliver said stock. Here I’m on the lowest floor, just returning to my post, when a middle-aged chap in a well-tailored business suit bursts in off the street:)

Customer: *upon seeing my uniform* “Hey, you there, where is your jam?”

Me: *just wanting to get back to my job* “I’m very sorry, sir. I’m afraid I’m not trained as floor staff so I don’t know how to help you, but I’m sure if…”

Customer: “I NEED jam!”

Me: *trying to stay polite* “I’m sorry, sir, I honestly don’t know where the jam is; I work behind the scenes here with stock delivery you see.” *I spot a floor worker* “However…”

Customer: *hasn’t listened to a word* “I NEED JAM NOW! I’m a VERY busy man and I don’t have time to be messed around by stupid, lazy, little people like you. NOW DO YOUR BLOODY JOB AND GET ME JAM!”

(He’s flaring his nostrils, shaking, and getting really quite scary eyed by now, a full on temper tantrum, basically, so I decide to have a go at pretending I’m floor staff.)

Me: “All right, then, let’s see…” *I look up and Lady Luck shines on me* “…ah, I would take a guess it’s probably somewhere near that big 6×4 foot hanging sign just behind you that says ‘Jams’?”

(The customer follows my gaze and sees said sign.)

Customer: *angry sarcasm* “THERE! You see, that wasn’t SO hard for you to do, now WAS it?!” *stomps off in the direction of the sign*

Me: *under breath* “So easy even you might have been able to do it, sir.”

(How urgent a need for jam can anybody possibly have, anyway?)

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Quickly Putting Out A Fire

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I am working my regular job when a visibly irritated customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “FIX MY TV, NOW!”

Me: “Okay, calm—”

Customer: *interrupting* “FIX IT! NOW!”

Manager: *hearing the commotion* “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your employee refuses to help me! Fire him NOW!”

Manager: *to me* “You’re fired.”

(A few moments later, making sure the customer can hear him, he says to me:)

Manager: “Hey, you look like you would be a nice employee. Would you like a job?”

Me: “Sure.”

(The customer looked furious and stormed out of the store.)

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Can’t Do Anything To Sweeten This Up

, | AK, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Time

(I work as the cake decorator in the bakery of a well known supermarket. This incident happens on a Tuesday — not one of our busy days — and I’m just working on making back-up cakes for the freezer. A lady comes up and says she has a question.)

Customer: “Can I order a cake and have it done today?”

Me: “It depends on the cake, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I want this one.” *points to a two-tier detailed cake in the book*

Me: “Okay, not a problem. When would you like it by?”

Customer: “Noon.” *note, it’s currently 11:30 in the morning*

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t have it done that soon, but I can do it by 12:30 at the earliest.”

Customer: “Really? Why can’t you have it done by noon? I NEED it by noon!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am. It takes a little time for a cake like that but I’d you’d like I can have it done by—”

Customer: “Jesus Christ! What good are you? Fine! I’ll just get a different one.”

(She proceeded to order a smaller much simpler cake, that could have been done in the half hour she gave me, to be picked up by four…)

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