Uncertain’s Final Curtain

| Washington, DC, USA | Working | May 13, 2014

(I work at a performing arts summer camp which is staffed mostly by college students. As such, we are mostly friends and keep in contact through the year. In March, Coworker #1 sends an email to the group.)

Coworker #1: “Did [Director] tell anyone what the show is for this summer?”

Coworker #2: “Last I heard, it was uncertain.”

Coworker #3:Uncertain is a musical I just wrote about my plans after college.”

Greedo Versus Cupid

| GA, USA | Romantic | September 4, 2013

(I am a counselor at a kids’ summer camp. As I am standing talking to my friend, a guy I have never spoken to before walks up to me.)

Guy: “Hi. Who shot first?”

Me: *without hesitating* “Han shot first. Han always has and always will shoot first.”

Guy: “Right answer.”

(We’ve been dating now for over eight months.)

His Love For Her Israel

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Romantic | July 26, 2013

(My boyfriend is a camp counsellor. He has long, messy blonde hair, and is chatting with a little Israeli girl.)

Boyfriend: “Oh you’re Israeli? That’s cool; so is my neighbor!”

Little Girl: “Oh, well you should marry her!”

Boyfriend: “Well actually, I have a girlfriend!”

Little Girl: “Oh. Well you should marry her instead! But first you need to get a haircut.”

Not A Happy Camper

| PA, USA | Related | July 24, 2013

(It is the beginning of July. I’m at a two-week summer camp with my friends, who I only get to see a few times a year. My mom calls me on my cell phone.)

Mom: “You need to come home with us on Sunday.”

Me: “Why? Did something happen?”

Mom: “Your grandma is throwing your birthday dinner party. You need to be there.”

Me: “What? No! My birthday was the beginning of May, and they know I’m at camp! Why would she plan this in July?”

Mom: “I don’t know, but you need to come with us. When can I pick you up?”

Me: “Um, you can’t pick me up. I’ve already paid all my meals and activity fees, and it wasn’t cheap. I’m not missing a day with my friends just because you want to celebrate my May birthday in July.”

Mom: “You need to lose the attitude problem or I won’t bring you back!”

Me: “This is ridiculous! I’ve been planning this trip since spring; why can’t we do this next weekend when I’m home?”

Mom: “Because I’m your mother and you won’t talk back to me! We will have your party without you if you don’t come!”

Me: “Fine, I don’t care anymore.”

Mom: “Your friends are being a bad influence on you! I can’t believe how b****y you’re being! You’ll never, ever see them again if this is how you behave!”

(My mom hangs up in a huff. I find my best friend, and cry because of how my mom made me feel. The Monday after my party date, my mom texts me and says that the party was great, and I shouldn’t have missed it. I can’t believe that everyone in my family was okay with having my birthday party so far from my actual birthday, and without me there.)

These Aren’t The Hemorrhoids You’re Looking For

| Arizona, USA | Learning | July 11, 2013

(I’m a volunteer in the drama section of an arts camp for 3-6 graders. We’re playing a game that requires the kids to walk around the room, but one girl has decided to scoot on her butt across the floor instead.)

Me: “Honey, why are you scooting like that?”

Girl: *waves her hand like a Jedi* “You can’t see me.”

Me: “…What?”

Girl: *waves her hand again* “You’ve seen nothing!” *scoots away*

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