Yule Regret That

, , , , | Right | December 23, 2018

(I am working around Christmas time, just minding my own business, when a lady comes in that used to be friends with my family. For a while, my family and I had gone to the same church as this woman, but it’s been a long time since I went to church. After the transaction is over and she’s leaving, I cheerfully wish her a “Happy holidays!” after which she all but runs over to me.)

Lady: *whispering conspiratorially* “Honey, I know that they make you say that, but you can say the real holiday to me. You don’t have to be all PC.”

Me: “You know, you’re right.”

Lady: *visibly brightens* “Merry Christmas!”

Me: “Have a happy Yule and a merry Winter Solstice.”

(All of a sudden, she made a you-betrayed-me face and ran away. Guess she forgot there’s more than one “real” holiday this time of year, including the pagan ones.)

And I’ll Have A Coffee Tea To Go With It

, , , , , | Right | December 15, 2018

(At our store, we sell a variety of specialty sandwiches, such as a club, Italian, New York steamer, etc. Often we get customers who aren’t sure what one sub includes, or don’t quite get the name of the sub right — i.e. calling it a New York streamer — but usually, it’s easy enough to decipher. Sometimes, though…)

Me: “Hey, welcome to [Store]. What can I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “I want an Italian club.”

Me: “We have an Italian and a club; they’re two different sandwiches. Which one did you mean?”

Customer: “The Italian club.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s two different types. Did you want the Italian, which comes with ham, salami, and pepperoni, or the club, which has ham, turkey, and bacon?”

Customer: “I want the one with the ham.”

Me: “Which one?”

Customer: “The Italian club!”

Customer’s Friend: “It’s one or the other!”

Customer: “I just want to get an Italian club.”

(Eventually, we work out that she wants three subs: one Italian with the dressing on the side, no combo, and two clubs made the same way, both as combos. I repeat the order, and she agrees that it’s correct.)

Me: “Okay, your total tonight is [total].”

Customer: “Why is it so expensive?”

Me: “Well you have the two clubs, which are combos, and you have the Italian sandwich by itself—”

Customer: “I only wanted two combos.”

Me: “That’s all I rang you up for; the third sandwich isn’t a combo.”

Customer: “I don’t want three sandwiches!”

Me: “Oh, I apologize. Which sandwich did you want to take off?”

Customer: “I wanted both clubs.”

Me: “All right, I’ll take the Italian off–“

Customer: “I said I wanted that!”

Me: “So… take off one of the clubs?”

Customer: “I just wanted two Italian clubs!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Just cancel it. You’re confusing me!”

(I cancelled the transaction out, and she and her friend discussed what she was getting. About five minutes later, her friend came up to order for both of them. Turned out she wanted a turkey bacon ranch.)


Doing It The (Foot)Long Way

, , , , | Right | December 2, 2018

Customer: “I’d like to order twelves subs for my workers, for pick up around twelve?”

Me: “Okay! Let me write this down.”

Customer: “All right, so, three subs will be turkey, four will be Italian, three will be tuna, one a BLT, and one a veggie. The first turkey is a six-inch; it has provolone cheese. Oh! And one of the Italian subs has provolone, and the BLT has American. Oh, one of the tuna is American, too, but that’s a foot-long. That one has extra onions on it; it’s for [Worker #1]. Can you write everyone’s names on the outside? The BLT has tomatoes on it, and there’s no tomatoes on one of the turkey subs because [Worker #2] is allergic, but she wants olives. Hmm, it looks like [Worker #3] only wants a six-inch, but extra meat. Oh, and can you put green peppers on mine?”

Me: “Okay, hold on. Let’s start over; I’m a little confused. The first turkey, is it six-inch or foot-long?”

Customer: “Foot-long.”

Me: “What toppings do you want on that sub?”

Customer: “American cheese, mustard, green peppers, lettuce, and onions.”

Me: “And who is that sandwich for?”

Customer: “[Worker #4].”

(We repeat this for every sub.)

Me: “Okay, I think I got it all.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Took long enough. That was the easy way?”

Unfiltered Story #123663

, | Unfiltered | October 17, 2018

Big Hero 6 has just come out and our store is giving out bags with characters on them with the purchase of a kid’s meal. This happens more than once.

Teenager: “Can I get a bag with a regular sub or do I have to buy a kid’s meal?”

Me: “You have to buy a kid’s meal.”

Teenager: “Okay.”

She buys a kid’s meal and happily skips away with her new Big Hero 6 bag.

Will Have The Customers Steaming

, , , , , , | Working | April 24, 2018

(I work in a sub shop known for steaming the meat that goes on the sandwiches. We get a lot of pregnant women coming in because we steam the meat; however, it only reaches 140 Fahrenheit, not the 165 it is supposed to, so it’s fairly common for pregnant women to ask us to steam it twice. The owner is working today, and he is known for cutting corners to save time and money. We get a web order asking us to double-steam one of the sandwiches.)

Me: “Hey, do you want me to wait to toast the bread until the steamer goes once?”

Boss: “Nah, I’m not going to double-steam it, anyway.”

Me: “Uh, okay, but if you give some pregnant lady listeria, it’s all on you, dude.”

Boss: “Meh, I can live with it.”

(This was after he told us to only heat beef-based meatballs to 140 Fahrenheit, not the health department required 165. I no longer listen to him, and I just do things the right way.)

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