A Self-Labelled Idiot

, , | Right | July 26, 2021

I work in the print department of an office store, and I’m in charge of the [Shipping Company] shipping station, as well. Customers can ship packages in our store or drop off packages if they have a prepaid [Shipping Company] label. One day a customer comes in with a box, onto which she has written the address and return information. I greet her, thinking things will go normally.

Me: “Hello! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I have a package for [Shipping Company].”

Me: “Am I shipping this out for you, or do you have a label?”

Customer: “The label is right on the package.”

Me: *Looks for it* “There’s no label here. I can create one for you, but you will have to pay for shipping.”

Customer: “Why would I have to pay for shipping? Can’t I just drop it off?”

Me: “No, I would have to create a label because it has to be a [Shipping Company] package.”

Customer: “This is a [Shipping Company] package.”

I was silent for a few seconds. I don’t know how she got the idea into her head that she could just write down the information on the box to mail it through [Shipping Company]. I explained, again, how shipping services work, just for her to leave the store because she didn’t want to pay for shipping.

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Stupidity: Unplugged

, , , | Right | CREDIT: WaffleStomperGirl | July 25, 2021

Customer: “I bought this new laptop, but I didn’t like the look of the touchpad so I bought an external wireless mouse to use instead. But it’s not working.”

Me: “Did your mouse come with a little Bluetooth receiver?”

Customer: “Yes, it did.”

Me: “Okay, have you plugged that in?”

Customer: “No, I haven’t.”

Okay, good; this’ll be easy, I figure.

Me: “Plug it in and tell me what prompts you see.”

She sighs angrily to herself, and after a few seconds:

Customer: “Nothing came up.”

Me: “Try moving the mouse.”

Customer: *Angrily* “Yeah, it moves.”

Me: “Great! Problem solved!”


Customer: “Okay, but I don’t want this Bluetooth thing connected. What’s the point of buying it if it has to be plugged in?”

Puzzled for a moment, I try to explain that it’s simply a reality of wireless mice, as well as a lot of wireless devices with laptops.

Customer: “Well, that’s insane. It’s needless! The computer already has one connected. I wanted an unconnected one! Now I have to deal with this Bluetooth lead with it getting in the way constantly!”

Again, puzzled, I ask her what brand wireless mouse she purchased so I can look it up and may get an idea of what she is talking about.

She reads the box. And, of course, it’s a wired mouse. That brand doesn’t even sell wireless mice.

Me: “Does the ‘Bluetooth lead’ connect to the mouse physically?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s the problem!”

Me: “You’ve bought a wired mouse. You need to return it and get a wireless one if that’s what you want.”

Customer: “But why can’t you just remove the lead? What’s the point of it being wireless if it has the lead?”

Me: “It’s not a wireless mouse, ma’am.”

Customer: “I’m aware of that, and that’s what I’m saying is the issue!”

Me: “Ma’am. The device you bought is not able to be wireless.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: *Pauses* “It wasn’t built that way. It was built to have the wire.”

Customer: “That’s pointless! The computer already has a connected mouse thing. Why would they sell one that can’t be wireless?”

Me: *Pauses longer* “Yeah, I don’t know. You should return it. Make sure they sell you a wireless one. Tell them you specifically want one that is Bluetooth and wireless.”

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​​STOP And Think About This For A Moment

, , , , | Right | July 23, 2021

I work as a licensed insurance agent for an agency that exclusively represents one of the largest insurance companies in the country. One day, I received a call from a client who needed to submit a claim on his automobile insurance. I got him successfully transferred to the claims department to get this done. Ten minutes later, my phone rings again.

Me: “Thanks for calling [Agency] of [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, [My Name], this is [Customer]. You helped me get my claim submitted earlier?”

Me: “Yes, [Customer], what can I do for you now?”

Customer: “The claims department from [Company] sent me a text with my claim number in it. At the end of the text, it says to reply with the word ‘STOP’ if I don’t want to continue to receive texts. What is this?”

Me: “That just means that if you want to keep receiving texts about your claim, then don’t do anything. But if you don’t want to be bothered with the texts, then reply with the word ‘STOP.’”

Customer: “Okay, but am I continuing to receive this text now? I don’t want that.”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand, sir.”

Customer: “Is this text continuing to come to me if I don’t send the word ‘STOP’? I don’t want to use that much data. I don’t want to be charged for that.”

Me: *Head on desk* “No, no, sir. That isn’t happening. That text has ended.”

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This Is Going To Be A Very Long Account

, , , | Right | July 23, 2021

I was helping an elderly customer making their first customer account on our website. They did try from the website on a tablet and then the app on said tablet; they didn’t have a computer. After thirty minutes of it not working:

Customer: “Would it work on the app from a phone?”

Me: “Yes, that should work, but it might be difficult now since you’re talking with me.”

Customer: “The phone is around here somewhere, but it’s been hard to find all day.”

I assumed they maybe had two phones for different purposes, so I just waited… until the customer realised that they were using said phone to talk with me.

After a forty-minute phone call without them being able to make an account, they would now try on their own and call back the day after. I ended up staying until well after closing because of the call.

At least the customer was nice to talk to and joked about their own mistake, so that was not as bad as it could have been.

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The Windows Are Open But No One Is Home

, , , , | Romantic | CREDIT: FinancialElephant5 | July 23, 2021

After work one day, I stopped by the store to get some stuff for dinner. I had gotten little sleep the night before, and I accidentally locked my keys in my car. They had fallen out of my purse, or I thought I put them in my purse; I honestly don’t know how I did it. I am surprised I got to the store.

My car windows were up completely, so there was no way of somehow jamming something in there to unlock it. However, I had a spare key at the apartment, so I called my boyfriend.

Me: “Hey, I accidentally locked myself out of the car. Can you bring me my spare car key?”

Boyfriend: “How did you even do that?”

Me: “I honestly don’t remember — something involving my purse. Can you bring me my car key please? I’ll get you Pop-Tarts.”

Boyfriend: “Just unlock your car.”

Me: “I can’t. My keys are locked in the car.”

Boyfriend: “No, you can unlock it. Just stick your hand through the window and unlock it.”

Me: “No, I can’t. My window is up.”

Boyfriend: “Get a coat hanger.”

Me: “I can’t. My window is completely up. There is absolutely no way I can get anything through my window.”

Boyfriend: “Yes, you can. Just stick your hand through the window and unlock it!”

I honestly couldn’t believe I was actually having this conversation.

Me: “Listen to me very carefully. My window is completely rolled up, meaning there is no way for me to put my hand through the window and unlock it. There is no way to put a coat hanger through the window because the window, all the windows, are completely rolled up!”

Boyfriend: “Well, I don’t know what you want me to do about it.”


Boyfriend: “WHY?!”

I honestly thought he was messing with me, but he really sounded aggravated and like I wasn’t understanding him at all.

Me: “I will tell you later. Please bring me my spare car key from the apartment. Please.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, fine. I don’t see why you need it.”

I hung up, completely frustrated. I went inside and got my shopping done. I saw [Boyfriend]’s car pull into the store’s parking lot and headed outside to meet him. He handed me my spare key.

Me: “Come here, [Boyfriend].”

Boyfriend: “Ooooh, am I going to get a kiss?!”


Me: “Look into my car, [Boyfriend].”

He looked into my car.

Me: “Do you see my keys in there, [Boyfriend]?”

Boyfriend: “Yes?”

Me: “Try to get them out, [Boyfriend].”

He tried to open my car door. It was locked.

Boyfriend: “I can’t; it’s locked.”

Me: “Try to get them out without my spare car key.”

He then proceeded to look for a window crack. There was none.

Boyfriend: “I can’t. There isn’t a way to stick my hand or anything in there to unlock.”

I stared at him. He didn’t understand why I was staring at him.

I handed him my spare key and told him to show me how to get the car keys out now. He then unlocked the door, rolled down my window, locked the car, shut the door, and then reached his arm through the OPEN window and unlocked it.

Boyfriend: “See, like that. Unlock it like that!”

At this point, I had such a massive headache from him not understanding why it was literally impossible for me to do any of that that I just put the groceries into my car, got into my car, and drove home.

That night at home, he asked if I was mad at him.

Me: “I wouldn’t say mad. I’m more… frustrated… annoyed… tired… baffled.”

Boyfriend: “Well, I can understand, especially if you couldn’t simply unlock your door like I showed you today.”

I went and got high after that.

Two weeks later, we decided to go to the downtown area for our date night. Before heading downtown, we had to get gas. I was waiting in his car when he rolled down his window and unlocked it from the outside by sticking his arm through THE OPEN WINDOW.

Boyfriend: “Seeee, like that. Next time your keys are locked in your car, unlock it like that.”

He later brought it up to my mom at dinner. She also tried to explain to him why his idea wouldn’t work AT ALL, but he was determined to make sense of it, when he couldn’t because the f****** WINDOW WAS ROLLED UP.

That was two years ago. I am still very much dating him; in fact, we are engaged now. I love him deeply; he is a good man. He just happens to be an idiot.

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