I work at a gas station where the pumps are all prepay only, but we can override it and turn it on if someone leaves a payment method in the store beforehand. A guy came in today and gave me $60.

Customer: “Don’t charge me out with the cash.”

I thought that was weird, but whatever, I flipped it on anyway. The guy filled up and then came back in.

Customer: “I’m going to pay with card.”

Me: “Okay, cool.”

I gave him the money back and rang it up.

Customer: “Wait, that total isn’t right. You didn’t give me the cash discount.”

Me: “You’re not getting the discount because you’re paying with a card.”

He looks at me like I’m the stupid one and starts waving the cash around.

Customer: “But I have it right here!”

Me: “That’s not how that works. If you want the cash discount, you have to pay using the cash.”

Customer: “You didn’t specify that!”

Me: “I didn’t specify that to get a cash discount, you have to pay using cash?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “Well, that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t give you the cash discount unless you give me the cash.”

Customer: “I’m never coming here again!”

Me: “That… is acceptable.”

I worked for a point-of-sale company. One weekend, when I was on call and drinking at the bar across the street, I got a call from a manager from a chain full of not bright people, and to compound that, most of them weren’t even remotely nice, insulting us tech guys every call like they forgot they were twice my age managing a Denny’s knock-off.

So, the guy called and said:

Caller: “A screen on one of my POS terminals isn’t very responsive.”

Me: “Is it dirty?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Okay, let’s calibrate it.”

These people were using Windows XP in 2017; that should tell you the condition of the equipment. I walk him through how to calibrate it. Nope, still barely responsive.

Caller: “I’m pressing it, but there’s stuff caked all over the screen.”

Contrary to it not being dirty earlier. POS screens are nasty, considering the environment they’re in.

Me: “Wipe it down with a damp towel.”

Caller: “Won’t it damage it?”

Me: “Nah, Posiflex terminals have water-resistant screens. At the trade shows, they’ll sometimes have water dripping on the screen to demonstrate that. Screen cleaner would be best, but a damp towel will work.”

Caller: “Okay.”

He hangs up. Twenty minutes later, I get another call, him yelling and swearing about how it’s not working at all, not turning on.

I head over to my apartment and hop on TeamViewer. I can’t see it on the network, and I start the whole tracing the power cable routine.

Caller: “I put it through the dishwasher, and it just stopped working!”

I said verbatim:

Me: “You ran a computer through a f****** dishwasher?”

When I relayed this to my boss the next Monday, he didn’t even care because it was so stupid. Swearing at customers isn’t professional or okay, but this one was kind of explainable.

Caller: “You said it was water resistant!”

Me: “I said wipe the screen down! Water resistant is NOT the same as waterproof, dude. I mean…”

Caller: “Well, I need a new terminal now, so send someone. We are packed and can’t go without it.”

A quick check of his sales report and table seating chart determined that it was a lie; they were dead and had been all day.

I told him even if I left right then, going to the office, imaging a new terminal and driving the two hours to get to the site would put me there well after they close, and the other three terminals they had should work just fine, especially when the time clock showed just two servers on.

Caller: “Well, it’s under warranty, right?”

Me: “No, if it has Windows XP its well out of warranty at this point, plus your corporate office has to okay all equipment purchases.”

I told him this, rather than cause further chaos by telling him that doing something that freaking stupid voids warranties. After a few moments of awkward silence…

Caller: “You better stay out of xyzville!” *A smaller town that I would never ever go to on my own free will anyway.*

He hung up, and I went back to the bar and kept drinking.

Customer: “Is there pork in the chili?”

Me: “No, sir, it is entirely made of beef.”

Customer: “…Is there pork in beef?”

Me: *Processing his question as I stare at him.* “…No, beef is cow, pork is pig.”

Customer: “Oh… why?”

Me: “I… I don’t know.”

I currently work in the tourism industry and often help load people into small gondola cabins. The tickets that people purchase to ride the gondola say “window ticket” on them because they were purchased at the ticket window.

Each gondola cabin has two bench seats on either side (fits eight people max altogether), with windows wrapping all around it so you can get a great view in every direction. 

I have one lady come up in line to board the gondola, and I scan her ticket.

Lady: “So which one is the window seat?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Lady: “I purchased the window seat for the gondola, it says right here on my ticket.”

Me: “…every seat inside is a window seat, the whole gondola cabin has windows on every side. And it says window ticket on there because it was purchased at our ticket window. You’re free to sit anywhere you’d like inside.”

Lady: “But I paid to have the window seat! I don’t want the aisle seat!”

She says as she is gesturing to the edge of the bench seats closest to the gondola cabin door, which is also made up of windows.

At this point, I am just dumbfounded by this interaction, and I have a line forming behind her, so I gesture towards the far end of one of the bench seats and tell her that is the window seat, so she hobbles in to sit exactly where I pointed.

Lady: “I don’t know why you couldn’t tell me this to begin with, incompetence isn’t going to get you anywhere!”

I am walking away at this point to help the next customer, still astounded by this stupid interaction I just had.

Some boys were roughhousing a little bit near a fossilized dinosaur exhibit. One of them throws his water bottle at the other, sending some water spraying. Their mom immediately scolds them, and to her credit, approaches me to admit what happened:

Customer: “I’m so sorry, my sons were tussling, and they spilled a water bottle over the dinosaur bones.”

Me: “Thank you for letting us know. As long as the boys remain well-behaved for the duration of their visit, that should be okay.”

Customer: “But… the dinosaur won’t come back to life, will it?”

Me: “Uh… ma’am?”

Customer: “It’s dangerous to, you know, hydrate the dinosaurs, right? It brings them back to life?”

Me: “Ma’am, that is not even close to accurate. Also, these aren’t bones; these are fossils, which are made of mineral and stone in the shape of the bones.”

Customer: “Oh! So that’s why they won’t come back to life. They’re not the real bones.”

Me: “I… uh, ma’am, they wouldn’t come back to life even if they were real bones.”

Customer: “I don’t think so. I saw it on some video on YouTube, and no offense, but you just work in a museum.”

I was left dumbfounded. I will forever remember the woman who thought dinosaur fossils could be rehydrated back to life like a succulent.