Might As Well Have Cooked Yourself

, , , , | Working | February 24, 2021

It’s my dad’s birthday. Every year, during normal circumstances, my mum will pay for dinner at a restaurant of my dad’s choice as a present. As the restaurants are currently closed because of the crisis, this is, of course, impossible. Instead, my dad searches for restaurants that deliver. After quite a bit of bad reading skills on my dad’s part, which is a whole different story, he decides on a restaurant.

Immediately when we get the box, we realize something is off. The restaurant did not deliver fully-finished hot dishes, but what I can only call a puzzle box. There are vacuum-sealed bags, plastic boxes in different shapes and sizes, and one set of plastic plates taped together. With this come instructions on how to piece everything together and how long to heat these things. My dad, disappointed by what he got, slinks off and leaves my mum and I to piece together what we have to do.

And that’s when the second problem comes to light. While the instructions are fairly easy, the ingredients are not clearly marked and the pictures are discoloured and a bit blurry. On top of that, one of the pieces does not match what’s shown on the picture at all, though the restaurant assures us it is the same.

And that’s not the worst of it. There are pieces missing. And not just small pieces. My mum’s entire appetizer is missing apart from one tube of goat cheese cream, and her main course is missing the thing which structures it all and a tube of its own flavoured creamy stuff.

My mum calls the restaurant and they send us more food, but they send two pieces of something we already had, another double, and also most of the abovementioned stuff, apart from the watercress for my mum’s appetizer. On top of that, while preparing, we realize there are more pieces missing — the apple slices for my crepes and the truffle sauce for my mum’s main dish — but by that point, we are done with the restaurant and just want to eat.

I do look on the website to see if they mention anything of the meal being pieced together like that and they do, all the way at the bottom, under the header “Allergies and food restrictions.”

I get that restaurants have to find a way to survive in this troublesome time, but this was very poorly executed. This was a fairly high-class restaurant, too, and the food wasn’t cheap. We ordered food for only three people and this much was messed up. Even though my dad enjoyed that restaurant before, I doubt he’ll ever want to do business with them again.

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The Cup Needs To Be Full Of Specifics

, , , | Right | February 24, 2021

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have coffee here to drink?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, there’s a hot coffee dispenser just to the left of the door you walked in through.”

Customer: “To drink?”

Me: *Pointing* “Yes, ma’am, just there by the door behind you.”

She repeatedly mimes bringing a cup to her lips.

Customer: “Like a cup?”

Me: *Pointing again and losing patience* “Yes, ma’am, ready-made coffee, hot and in liquid form, for you to drink right this second. Just turn and head a few short steps toward the door you’ve only just come in, and you’ll see the coffee dispenser ready to pour hot coffee into a cup just for you.”

The customer looked unsure for a couple of seconds before finally turning her head to see the coffee station and getting her coffee to drink in a cup. Apparently, she desperately needed it.

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Check Out The Buns On This Gal!

, , , , | Working | February 24, 2021

My sister and I, along with our parents, have all worked at a particular fast food restaurant for a few years at some point in our lives. During a recent get-together, we traded stories of our time as employees.

Many people know the jingle of their signature burger: two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun. The bun is divided into three, with a piece in the middle of the burger. The way we were taught to make them was to build the same toppings on the bottom and middle buns — sauce, onions, lettuce, pickles, cheese, hamburger patty — move the middle bun on top of the bottom bun, move the top bun on top of the middle bun, and close the container. So, the burger was bottom bun, toppings, hamburger patty, middle bun, toppings, hamburger patty, and top bun.

My sister learned how to make the burger and started on her own after about a week. One of the managers was helping her on the grill when he stopped her after watching her make the burger. He asked who had taught her to make the burger in that particular way, and she asked why, confused. She had been putting the toppings and hamburger patty on the middle and top buns, placing the middle bun on the bottom bun, and flipping the top bun over while closing the container. So for about a week, all her customers were receiving burgers that were bun, bun, toppings, two patties, toppings, bun. Not one customer had complained, so without the manager observing her, she’s not sure how long she would have continued making sandwiches that way.

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It’s Like The Reverse Hotel California

, , , , , | Related | February 24, 2021

England is in its third national lockdown. My mother and I are on the phone. We live about three hundred miles apart and, due to the restrictions and also the fact that my mother is at increased risk of serious illness, we have not seen each other for about ten months. During the emergency, my mother has been sending me little gifts of candy or books that I’ve wanted, and she wants to do something extra special for me for Valentine’s.

Mum: “So, I thought I could book you in at [Nice Local Hotel] for afternoon tea. How does that sound?”

Me: “Sure, when they’re open again.”

Mum: “Oh, are they closed?”

Me: “Mum, everywhere’s closed at the moment.”

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Can’t Quit Wrap Your Tentacles Around This One

, , , | Right | February 23, 2021

A couple comes in, I seat them and answer a few questions, and they order. I manage to check on them once or twice during their meal and they seem very happy with their order.

When they come up to pay, the lady is very upset.

Customer: “I’m not going to pay for my food because I didn’t touch it!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, ma’am, seeing as you’ve eaten at least half of it. Why weren’t you happy with it?

Customer: “The seafood chowder had octopus in it! I’m allergic!”

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