Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | May 2, 2021

I witness a customer go to a self-checkout machine that has “NO CASH” written on it. After they have rung their purchases in, they start shoving their cash into any crevice they can find.

Me: “It says, ‘NO CASH.’”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just trying to find out where to put the cash.”

Me: “No, you can’t use cash.”

Customer: “I know, but I’m trying to find out where to put it.”

Me: “Nowhere, because the register doesn’t take cash.”

Customer: “Oh, there’s a sign saying, ‘NO CASH.’ Okay, then.”

They wandered off to the main checkout line.

Related:
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 2
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself

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We Can Trace The Irony

, , , | Right | CREDIT: CaptColten | May 2, 2021

I had a customer come in and complain about how the government is going to track us with the [health crisis] contact tracing information.

He paid with a debit card.

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Lack Of Computing Does Not Compute

, , , , | Right | May 1, 2021

Our store is moving. All our signage is down. There’s a note on the door explaining. The front room is completely empty, except for our front counter. It’s been taken apart and stacked in a corner. The door is unlocked because the owners are on their way back to pick up another load to take to storage. I’m in the back room, cleaning.

Woman: “Hello. Hello.”

I peek out the doorway to see an older woman standing in the empty front room, holding a box. She sees me step out in shorts and a tank top, covered in sweat and dust from the back room.

Woman: “Oh, hello. I’d like to ship this.”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Woman: “Oh, but your door was open.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but there was a note on it. We’re moving the store to a new location.”

Woman: “Oh, okay.” *Long pause* “So, can you ship this for me?”

Me: “No, ma’am, all my computers are already packed away.”

Woman: “Do you need your computers to ship this?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Woman: “You know, in my day, we didn’t have any computers. We had to do all the calculations in our head.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Another long pause.

Woman: “So, when will you be able to ship this for me?”

Me: “If you go to our new location when it opens, we can ship it for you then.”

Woman: “But not today?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Woman: “Because your computers are down?”

There is another pause where I reject the idea of explaining again.

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Woman: “Do you know where I can ship it out today?”

Me: “If you take it down to the post office, they can probably get it out for you today.”

Woman: “Are their computers working?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I believe so.”

Woman: “You know, it would really be better if you learned how to do the calculations without a computer.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’ll let the owners know. You have a great day.”

Woman: “You, too, dearest. I hope your computers come back up soon.”

She left. I glanced around the empty room, questioning what had just happened.

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Honestly, I Still Have No Idea What The Number Is

, , , , | Working | April 30, 2021

I work for a small IT company that sometimes handles hardware. Our intern is good at heart but sometimes easily overwhelmed. He is communicating an eight-digit serial number from a piece of hardware to my coworker by speakerphone.

The intern starts out with the first part of the serial number.

Intern: “Hundred-and-ten.”

Coworker: “Huh?”

Intern: “Hundred-and-ten.”

There’s some muffled confusion and sighing from [Coworker].

Coworker: “Are you sure? Maybe you mean eleven-zero-one?”

By now, I can clearly see the confusion on the intern’s face, but he steadfastly carries on. 

Intern: “Okay, eleven-zero-one.”

Coworker: *Chuckles* “That’s not one hundred-and-ten is it?”

At this point, I could not help but interject with a jab, “Of course it is, you tool!”

After some silence and, I assume, rereading on the other end, my coworker admitted defeat and agreed. We got a good laugh out of it while he tried to defend himself by saying he’d expected the first part to be four digits.

And that is why you should always go digit for digit, folks, even if “one, one, zero, one” takes longer.

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Intelligence Dissolving

, , , | Right | April 30, 2021

A customer buys five yards of water-soluble stabilizer, a film-like product used in machine embroidery. You place it under the fabric you are embroidering to keep it in place for better results, then you spray it with water and it dissolves.

It runs about $4 or $5 a yard — a touch on the expensive side. The customer comes to the register and pays for her stabilizer, around $25 all told. I start to put it in a bag and she stops me.

Customer: “Oh, no bag. I don’t want to waste a bag.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s raining out.”

Customer: “I won’t need it. My car is not far from here. I won’t get that wet.”

She left in a heavy rain. And to keep herself dry? She held the stabilizer over her head. In the rain. Did I mention it’s water-soluble? And not a cheap product?

I guess I’ve worked retail too long. I’m only surprised she didn’t try to get a refund.

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