You’re Not Being The Neighbor Mister Rogers Wants You To Be

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2020

When I am twenty-one or so, I am still living with my parents. Then, I find an apartment. My boyfriend and his friends agree to move some of my stuff from my parents’ house over to my new place, including my computer and a small TV. They do so during the day while my parents are at work. My parents are fully aware of this; in fact, they loan my boyfriend a house key.

When my folks get home, their neighbour comes over, extremely excited.

Neighbour: “You were robbed today!”

Mum: “What?!”

Neighbour: “I saw the whole thing! Several young men broke into your place and took a bunch of valuables, including a computer and a TV! I saw them carry everything out to their cars and drive away.”

Mum: *Catching on* “Oh, my. That’s bad. Did you call the police?”

Neighbour: “Um, no.”

Mum: “Did you get their license plates?”

Neighbour: “No.”

Mum: “How about their cars? Did you notice what kind they drive?”

Neighbour: “No.”

Mum: “Do you think you could describe the men?”

Neighbour: “They were young… That’s all I remember.”

Mum: *Laughing* “I’m sorry, I can’t keep doing this. It’s okay. Those guys were [My Name]’s boyfriend and friends, and they’re just helping her move some of her things to her new apartment.”

Neighbour: “You were just messing with me? That’s not nice!”

Mum:You’re the one who watched our house apparently being robbed and didn’t do anything about it!”

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It’s A Good Thing She Couldn’t See The Look On Your Face

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2020

Customer: “I would like to get $6.50 on pump fifteen.”

Me: “All right, that will be $6.50.”

The customer slides over a $10 bill, a quarter, and a nickel.

Me: “Ma’am, this is not enough change. This is a nickel and a quarter.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought that was a quarter.”

She gets a quarter out of her pocketbook to replace the nickel.

Me: “I can understand; the newer nickels can kind of look like quarters because of the new designs on them.”

Customer: “Oh, no… I’m legally blind!”

She was driving.

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Give Me A Page Or Give Me Death

, , | Right | September 19, 2020

I need to make some copies at a copier I’ve used many times before. I have five books that I need one page each from, with the pages marked. A man gets to the machine just before I do with a large book. It takes him at least a minute to figure out how to put the book on the glass, and then he takes some time to find the “start” button, which does nothing because he hasn’t put any money in.

He seems confused about having to pay for copies, finally takes my word for it that it’s necessary, and puts in enough money for one copy and makes it. He then spends half a minute looking for where the copy comes out, asks me for help, looks at the copy, decides it’s not what he wants, and goes through the process again. This time, he bumps a button on the machine which sets it to “scan” instead of “copy,” and it takes a while for me to get the settings back so he can make his copy. 

Finally, after a good five minutes, he looks at my stack of books and says, “Lucky for me I got here before you did. I only needed one page.”

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“I’m Looking For A Box, It’s Blue”

, , , | Right | September 18, 2020

Almost forty years ago, I am working in the toy department of a large discount/department store when a customer approaches me. I am register-trained, so if extra help is needed I am often called to help reduce the lines. The conversation goes something like this.

Customer: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, I do. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for something, and I don’t know where it is.”

Me: “What can I help you find?”

Customer: “I don’t remember what it’s called, but my daughter told me I should get one. She really loves hers.”

Me: “Okay, can you describe it to me, maybe tell me what it’s used for, or perhaps what department we should be looking in?”

Customer: “I’m pretty sure it comes in a box.”

Me: “What is it used for?”

Customer: “My daughter says she uses hers all the time and for many occasions.”

Me: “For what type of occasions?”

Customer: “I told you, everything!”

Me: “Can you provide any details, perhaps shape, size, color?”

Customer: “I guess they come in different sizes and colors. Why can’t you help me find what I’m looking for? I guess I’ll just have to keep looking myself.”

And she wanders away.

A half-hour or so later, I am called to the front to help at the registers where the customer is in line with only one item in her cart, a slow cooker — in a box — and she sees me.

Customer: “You! You were one of the employees who wouldn’t help me! This is what I was looking for; don’t any of you know anything about what you sell in the store?”

“Crackpot [A Take-Off Of The Brand] Lady” was a bit of a running inside joke in the store for weeks after.

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Have Barcode, Will Scan, Part 2

, , | Right | September 18, 2020

At the end of a transaction:

Me: “Would you like a receipt?”

Customer: “No, we’re going to [Other Shop], but they’ll know it’s not from there when they try to scan it.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Well, their codes will be different from yours.”

Me: “What? Do you mean the barcodes?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Er, the manufacturer puts the barcodes on, not us. They are universal; each item from each manufacturer has the same barcode.”

Customer: “…?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Nah, we’ll be okay.”

Yep, we retail staff stand there putting barcodes, in exactly the same place, perfectly straight, on to every item of stock. Heck, it would be easier if they were just printed on the labels and different places could decide what to charge but still use them codes to identify the product.

Oh, hold on…

Have Barcode, Will Scan

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