I work in one of the gift shops in a large Natural History Museum. We sell lots of rocks and crystals, and have a few expensive items on display for the enthusiast. One of them is a very large geode with some very impressive and colourful quartz crystals that we’ve had on display for a while, going for about £3,000.

Customer: “I want that colourful rock.”

Me: *Eyes widening.* “The geode? This large one here?”

Customer: “Yeah. It’s big, though. Do you do delivery?”

Me: “Yes, absolutely!”

Because this is an expensive purchase, my manager steps over and starts going through some information with the customer, such as delivery costs.

Customer: “Wait, this thing costs money?”

Manager: *Confused.* “Uh… yes, ma’am. That geode costs £3,000.”

Customer: “What the f***?! This is a gift shop! Gifts are free!”

Manager: *Considerably more confused.* “Uh… ma’am, this is a shop that sells items for money, like every other shop in the world. You can buy items here to keep for yourself, or gift to others, but you have to buy them.”

Customer: “F*** this place! I’d never have come in here if I’d known you a***holes wanted money!”

So, this woman wanders into a gift shop (ignoring the ‘shop’ part), spots the largest thing in the shop and just wants it? For free? If everything in the shop was a ‘free gift’, then why did she think all the other customers picking up the little £3 crystals in the bins were ignoring the big-ticket items?

Working self-checkout, the customer says she doesn’t want to take the yogurt she has ($3.50 each but on sale, two for $6). I’m walking towards her to grab it, and she says:

Customer: “This is so stupid! The sign says two for $6, but one is $3!”

For a second, I thought I forgot how to add because it was so dumb.

Me: “Ma’am, two for $6 means each one is $3.”

Customer: “No! Two for six means it’s two! Two is in the name! Two for six! The only numbers I should be seeing are two… and six!”

Me: “If you buy two, it costs six, so you will only be seeing those two numbers.”

Customer: “Then why am I seeing a three?”

Me: “Because…” *Sighing, not believing I’m explaining this to a grown woman.* “…three is how much it costs when you only look at the price of one. Since you’re buying two, ignore that number, and just look at the total.”

Customer: “H*** no! Ignoring numbers is how you people stole the last election!”

Related:
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 34
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 33
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 32
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 31
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 30

Customer: “Excuse me, what is this?”

Me: “That’s the spicy cheeseburger meal.”

Customer: “I wanted the spicy burger meal. I didn’t want the cheese. I don’t like gooey things.”

Me: “Uh, I can change that for you, ma’am.”

Coworker: *To me, loud enough for the customer to hear.* “Didn’t she ask for the spicy cheeseburger? I heard her.”

Me: “Yeah. That’s what she ordered.”

Customer: “Excuse me! I can hear you! I want what I want, not what I ordered!”

Congrats on shutting us up, lady, as both of us had no response to that!

A pair of customers comes in today hauling a giant bag of lotions, soaps, shampoos, etc., with them. They walk up to me, both of them all smiles, and cheerfully tell me:

Customer: “We’re here to do an even exchange!”

There’s easily over $300 worth of products in this bag, and I can tell at a glance that they’re all nearly empty. Silently, I prepare for battle.

Me: “I can definitely take a look. Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “No, but we’re here all the time, so you can look it up with my phone number.”

That’s not what I asked!

Me: “Great. Let’s see what we’ve got. You know our exchange policy lets you bring in anything new or gently used—”

Customer: “—Does it? Since when?!”

Me: “Since before 2022, which is when I started, but since you’re here “all the time,” I’m sure you know that.”

I go through the bag and see it’s about 90% used.

Me: “It looks like these are all pretty heavily used, so we won’t be able to exchange them.”

Customer: “There was a video on TikTok that said we could do an even exchange on anything.”

Other Customer: “I have it open right here.”

Cue a video of some random woman in her living room insisting we’ll take back anything for a brand new product, no matter how much it’s used, as long as you ask for “an even exchange,” like it’s some magic command we have to follow.

Me: “This isn’t the company’s account, and we haven’t had any policy changes, so I’m not sure where this information came from. Sorry about that, but it looks like you got plenty of use out of them.”

Customer: “Is there a manager we can talk to?”

I call over the manager. She’s also forced to watch the video. She also points out it’s wrong and repeats the policy. They will not get $300 worth of free crap in exchange for their literal garbage. 

They finally leave, taking their bag of nearly empty trash with them. I assume their plan is to drive around to the other locations and try their luck there.

Related:
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 13
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 12
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 11
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 10
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 9

I worked for a major insurance company as an auto total loss adjuster.

Caller: “Why is my insurance so high?! Make it make sense!”

Me: “It’s a seven-year-old car, with 170,000 miles on it. That’s about double the average.”

Caller: “It’s a BMW! The miles don’t matter!”

Me: “They absolutely do matter.”

Caller: “I got an expensive car so that I wouldn’t have to have expensive insurance later! Make it make sense!”

Me: “Ma’am, and I ask this in all seriousness, do you know what insurance is?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s that thing that you pay on your car.”

Me: “What is it paying for?”

Caller: “I don’t know, but if I pay more for the car up front, then I should pay less later! Make it make sense!”

Me: “Ma’am… I don’t think I’m equipped to make anything make sense for you. Let me pass you on to my manager.”

Two hours later, my manager emerges from the call, looking like a shell of his former self.

Manager: “That… did not make sense.”