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Stupidity In Bloom, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | January 24, 2023

A customer buys some flower bulbs and brings the bulbs back about two weeks later.

Customer: “I want to return these.”

Me: “This is dirt in a freezer bag.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Do you have a receipt, or the original packaging, at least?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Why do you want a refund?”

Customer: “The flowers didn’t grow like it showed in the picture!”

Me: “The packaging stated that they flower in June and July.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “It’s March.”

Customer: “So?”

Stupidity In Bloom

Oil Bet He’ll Never Live It Down

, , , , , , | Working | January 24, 2023

One of our dimmest bulbs on the forklift rotation brilliantly put a shipment of glass olive oil bottles, wrapped on a broken pallet, on the fourth shelf up — about thirty feet in the air. How he got it up there without it collapsing, I don’t know. But when someone else went to take it down… Have you ever heard 360 glass bottles smashing?

The sound was incredible. It went on for a cartoonish amount of time. People didn’t even move for a second, just transfixed. But when we did, everyone came running. We got the driver out, shaken but safe, and then we found mops, rags, cat litter, and squeegees.

We designated “oily” for the people working in the crash zone and “outside” for the runners, so we wouldn’t track olive oil everywhere, and found clean shoes for them.

That is the biggest workplace catastrophe I have ever seen, and also the biggest come-together moment.

One Less Hoop Is Always A Good Thing

, , , , | Working | January 24, 2023

I recently attended a conference for which I had won a scholarship from the hosting university that would cover some of the travel and accommodation costs. However, the “scholarship” was not provided to me before the conference; rather, I had to pay for everything out of pocket and then apply for a reimbursement through the university administration once I returned.

To do so, that meant I had to keep all my receipts. Because it’s 2022, all of my receipts ended up being digital, i.e., I booked my travel online so I was emailed a digital receipt, I booked my hotel online so I was emailed a digital receipt, and so on and so forth.

After the conference, I had to email the university’s finance manager with a digitally-signed form detailing all of my expenses, as well as a copy of all of my digital receipts.

After doing so, I had this gem of an email conversation with the finance manager.

Finance Manager: “Hi, [My Name]. I received your digitally-signed form and digital receipts — thank you! I will submit your claim form to our host institution. Please note that it usually takes three to four weeks to process an expense claim form. In addition, can you please physically mail me your digitally-signed form and digital receipts to the below address? I need physical copies for audit purposes.”

I was about to do as she asked when something occurred to me, so I emailed her back.

Me: “Hi, [Finance Manager]. Just to clarify, you want me to print the digitally-signed form and digital receipts and mail them to you? Is it possible to… just print them on your end, rather than me printing them and mailing it? I think you’ll find the end result would be the same, but it would save us a couple of steps.”

Finance Manager: “Hi, [My Name]. I will print it out from my end. Thank you.”

I had a good laugh after. I guess it hadn’t occurred to her that my printing the forms and receipts and mailing them to her doesn’t make them any more “authentic” than if she just printed them herself.

Taxing Taxing, Part 16

, , , , , , | Right | January 24, 2023

I was taking a call for IRS customer service.

Me: “All right, ma’am, I’m going to need you to send in [form] signed by you and your husband.”

Caller: “Why do I have to do it?! I want you to do it!”

Me: “No, ma’am. It has to be signed by you.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t know when I’ll have time.”

Me: “I suggest you make time, as I am not going to forge your signatures on government documents.”

Caller: *Stupidly smug* “Well, I guess you have a decision to make if you want that file to be completed.”

Me: “Since these are your taxes, you are on the hook for refusing to fill them out. Expect to pay through the nose, ma’am. Have a lovely day.” *Click*

Interestingly enough, the form was sent in, signed properly, a short time later. I have no idea how she thought that refusing to sign her own tax paperwork was going to cause ME any trouble.

Taxing Taxing, Part 15
Taxing Taxing, Part 14
Taxing Taxing, Part 13
Taxing Taxing, Part 12
Taxing Taxing, Part 11

That’s A Big Fat Thumbs Down, Thanks

, , , , , , | Right | January 23, 2023

I work in a hotel in Rome, Italy.

Guest: “Do you know any official sellers of the ruins’ flints? I’d like to take a piece of the fora with me, but taking it myself isn’t allowed, and I can’t find anyone on Google that sells those.”

As I talked, I finally understood that the guest was absolutely convinced that people were fined for chipping the Colosseum away because “ruin flinting” was a protected traditional activity of sorts, allowed only for Romans. The idea of it being damaging never crossed her mind, it seemed.