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He Would’ve Been A Jerk At 9:55, Too

, , | Right | May 24, 2022

My job closes at ten. One night, this guy pulled into the parking lot at 9:55 but didn’t come right in. He sat out there until right at 10:00. Then, he walked up while I was locking the doors on that side.

Guy: “Are you open?”

Me: “We have just closed.”

Then, I closed and locked the door. I should have felt bad, but it’s not my fault he sat out in the car until we had closed for the night.

This Client Needs Some Special Attention

, , , , , | Right | May 24, 2022

I work in tech support. I’m called in on a consult because the company’s internal programs aren’t working. I look at the input and notice they keep entering a dash.

Me: “You know this input cannot handle special characters.”

Client: “It’s not special. I use it all the time.”

At Least He’s In A Museum?

, , , , , , | Right | May 22, 2022

I am giving a tour to a small group at a history museum, specifically military history. I am explaining a few interesting facts about the Revolutionary War when one of the guests says:

Guest: “Woohoo! U…S…A! Victory!”

Me: “Haha, yes, sir. The Revolutionary War did end in a victory for the USA.”

Guest: “Like they all do!”

Me: “Well… that’s not entirely true.”

Guest: “Nuh-uh! America wins every war it’s in!”

Me: “Sir, I recommend you visit the south pavilion after this tour. You might find what it says about the Vietnam War very enlightening.”

Guest: “Woohoo! Another victory!”

Other Guest: *Having had enough* “Dude… who’s in charge in Afghanistan right now?!”

Isn’t That Stealing?

, , , | Right | May 22, 2022

Me: “This logo is very small and low-resolution. Do you have another copy?”

Client: “Here. I got someone to resize it bigger.”

Me: “If I print this, it will be very blurry. Can you contact the person who originally designed this logo for you and have them send you a better version?”

Client: “Actually, that logo we just got off the Internet. Maybe if you take a quick look on the Internet you can find a better version of it. It’s pretty simple. Or maybe just type our name without the logo. In italics, to make it look more modern.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 22

, , , , , | Right | May 21, 2022

A customer is perusing the menu while I am taking orders at her table.

Customer: “I’m allergic to fat. Please make sure everything is fat-free?”

Me: “Allergic to… to fat?”

Customer: “Yes. Everything I order must be fat-free.”

Me: “Well, this is an Italian restaurant, so that might be tough. We do have some nice salads that—”

Customer: “No salads! I’m allergic to salads.”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “What’s this? This looks nice.”

Me: “That would be… the ribeye.”

Customer: “I’ll have that but without that fat.”

Me: “You’ll basically be ordering a plate of air, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m also allergic to air.”

She ended up ordering the ribeye. She ate every bit.

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 21
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 20
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 19
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 18
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 17