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He Would’ve Been A Jerk At 9:55, Too

, , | Right | May 24, 2022

My job closes at ten. One night, this guy pulled into the parking lot at 9:55 but didn’t come right in. He sat out there until right at 10:00. Then, he walked up while I was locking the doors on that side.

Guy: “Are you open?”

Me: “We have just closed.”

Then, I closed and locked the door. I should have felt bad, but it’s not my fault he sat out in the car until we had closed for the night.

This Client Needs Some Special Attention

, , , , , | Right | May 24, 2022

I work in tech support. I’m called in on a consult because the company’s internal programs aren’t working. I look at the input and notice they keep entering a dash.

Me: “You know this input cannot handle special characters.”

Client: “It’s not special. I use it all the time.”

At Least He’s In A Museum?

, , , , , , | Right | May 22, 2022

I am giving a tour to a small group at a history museum, specifically military history. I am explaining a few interesting facts about the Revolutionary War when one of the guests says:

Guest: “Woohoo! U…S…A! Victory!”

Me: “Haha, yes, sir. The Revolutionary War did end in a victory for the USA.”

Guest: “Like they all do!”

Me: “Well… that’s not entirely true.”

Guest: “Nuh-uh! America wins every war it’s in!”

Me: “Sir, I recommend you visit the south pavilion after this tour. You might find what it says about the Vietnam War very enlightening.”

Guest: “Woohoo! Another victory!”

Other Guest: *Having had enough* “Dude… who’s in charge in Afghanistan right now?!”

Isn’t That Stealing?

, , , | Right | May 22, 2022

Me: “This logo is very small and low-resolution. Do you have another copy?”

Client: “Here. I got someone to resize it bigger.”

Me: “If I print this, it will be very blurry. Can you contact the person who originally designed this logo for you and have them send you a better version?”

Client: “Actually, that logo we just got off the Internet. Maybe if you take a quick look on the Internet you can find a better version of it. It’s pretty simple. Or maybe just type our name without the logo. In italics, to make it look more modern.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 22

, , , , , | Right | May 21, 2022

A customer is perusing the menu while I am taking orders at her table.

Customer: “I’m allergic to fat. Please make sure everything is fat-free?”

Me: “Allergic to… to fat?”

Customer: “Yes. Everything I order must be fat-free.”

Me: “Well, this is an Italian restaurant, so that might be tough. We do have some nice salads that—”

Customer: “No salads! I’m allergic to salads.”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “What’s this? This looks nice.”

Me: “That would be… the ribeye.”

Customer: “I’ll have that but without that fat.”

Me: “You’ll basically be ordering a plate of air, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m also allergic to air.”

She ended up ordering the ribeye. She ate every bit.

Related:
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 21
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 20
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 19
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 18
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 17