There’s a popular burger chain near my house. They make a salad I like with chicken, guacamole, and bacon. However, I hate the spicy ranch dressing it comes with, so I ask for plain, instead. Seems simple, right?

Ha, no.

I’ve been getting this salad once or twice a month for half a year. I order the same thing every time, and never, not once, have I gotten just plain ranch. Sometimes I get both plain and spicy, sometimes neither. Sometimes I get something completely out of left field, like the day I got raspberry vinaigrette and Parmesan crisps. (How?)

I carry on because the chicken is always delicious. It was annoying at first, but now it’s just funny. It’s become such a running joke in my family that the last time we ordered there, my mom leaned over to peek in my bag and said, “Which one did you get this time?”

It was Caesar.

One day at our Tribal Casino, an Idiot Guest discovered he had to go visit the restroom. In a stroke of absolute brilliance, he flagged down a lady to watch his machine. [Idiot Guest] is so named because instead of asking staff, who wear a very obvious staff uniform, he asked a complete stranger to watch a machine that had $600 of his own money on it.

Can you guess what happened? If you guessed that she cashed it out onto a ticket and left, you get a cookie!

There was a whole fiasco. The floor manager told him that he was an idiot. Security told him that he was an idiot. The cage girl told him that he was an idiot. Thus, his name was coined.

They reprinted his ticket after checking the cameras to verify that it was stolen, he got his money, and all was well. Personally, I think they should have let [Idiot Guest] learn the expensive lesson the hard way… but wishful thinking is wishful.

In any case, the plot spun on its axis. Guess what happened next?! If you guessed that our Thieving Lady came back, here’s another cookie!

Not even four freaking hours later, she sauntered in with the ticket to cash it out! That’s right! She took the ticket out but left without cashing out the money right away! So now she had a paid out ticket, with staff still on duty who remember the fiasco that came from this.

In short, the cage girl realized that the ticket had already been paid out and realized who [Thieving Lady] was. The Tribal Police were promptly called.

This woman’s picture is now up in every casino owned by the nation, and she is no longer a “valued guest.” Simple terms? She’s banned from our casinos for life!

In my company, there’s very little overlap between what the different departments can do. Order Admin can’t process anything for Accounting, Accounting can’t run RMAs, the Returns department can’t work on customer account info, etc. For the most part, this isn’t an issue, as we’re a fairly small company for the amount of business we do and communication is wide open.

Except for [Sales Guy].

[Sales Guy] seems to think that the Order Admin team does… everything. We get notice of customers sending payments, he forwards it to OA. Customer says a product is dead and needs to be replaced, OA. Vendor sends an email saying there’s a factory delay and we won’t get product until next week, OA. No number of reply emails about who to actually send these notices and requests to seems to permeate his skull, nor do statements that HE is the contact with his clients, so if something needs to be said to them then HE needs to tell the customer, not us.

The final straw comes this morning when he comes storming over to us in his usual “bull in a China shop” mode, letting out an exaggerated sigh while waving a piece of paper in the air.

Sales Guy: “Who’s doing this one?”

Me: “I don’t know which one ‘this one’ is. Let me actually see the paper?”

Sales Guy: *Hands me the printout* “They already said they want this on their account, not on their credit card.”

Me: *Already doing searches* “I don’t see anything in the order or any emails to us saying that.”

Sales Guy: “I already forwarded it over to Accounting!”

Me: *Pauses* “Wait a minute, you’ve spent the last two months sending us everything but requests to change something in an order, and then the one time you have an actual order change, you send it to someone else?!”

[Sales Guy], of course, got instantly indignant and started a big argument in the middle of the office, and both our manager and his had to get involved. The line “Do you really want to end up having me check every email before you send it?” may have been said by his manager.

In the end, peace was restored, and he hasn’t again started sending emails to all the wrong departments.

Yet.

A group is asking about breakfast options on the lunch menu. I list a few options that are available, and the mom questions me about ingredients in most of them. Thinking they may have dietary restrictions, I give as much detail as possible. 

Mom: “Does the omelet have eggs in it?”

I just repeated her question back to her and waited for it to click.

Related:
When An Omelette Is Not An Omelette

I’ve been the official photographer of a local racetrack for several years. Usually, a pilot can buy all the photos of his track day for thirty euros or a single picture for ten euros. This particular client has been very annoying, asking for his photos many times during the day, complaining about the quality, and being very rude to my coworkers.

After a long time in my shop, he selects five pictures out of eighty. We say that he could save twenty euros by buying the full service, but he refuses. He ends up buying five single pictures for fifty euros.

When he exits my office with the receipt, he realizes that he has done a very stupid thing. He asks me if he can talk with my boss about that.

My boss just says, “You’ve just done it, and I’m sorry. We can’t do anything.”

Karma feels good.