Don’t Bank On Getting The Right Number

, , , | Working | July 31, 2021

I work for a large multi-bank network that does card processing and contact center servicing. I am in telecom and assist internal employees. 

Account Manager: “One of my bank clients is printing out new cards and they want to confirm what number they should print on the back so their members can reach them.”

Me: “Okay, what is the name of the bank?”

Account Manager: “[Bank].”

Me: “Members should call [number #1].”

Account Manager: “That’s not the number I gave them. I told them to put [number #2].”

Me: “That number doesn’t belong to us. Why did you give them that number?”

Account Manager: “That’s the number printed on the back of my debit card.”

Me: “Is your debit card with [Bank]?”

Account Manager: “No, it’s with [Credit Union].”

Me: “Why would you give them the number for [Credit Union] to put on the back of [Bank]’s cards?”

Account Manager: “They asked me what number to put on the back of the card.”

Me: “You need to contact them right now and make sure they put [number #1].”

Several months later…

Boss: “[Account Manager] states that [Bank] is getting hundreds of complaints as members are dialing [Credit Union] when they are trying to reach them. She states she gave the bank the number you provided.”

Me: “Do me a favor and ask her for the number on the back of her [Credit Union] debit card and see if it matches the number the members are dialing.”

Boss: “Really?”

Me: “Yup.”

I then forwarded him the ticket documentation.

[Account Manager] was let go as this was not the first time she had done something like this. I am still waiting to find out the final cost of reissuing the cards again and the contract discount we had to offer the bank.

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When It’s Just Not App-ening

, , , | Right | July 30, 2021

I work IT for a retail company.

Caller: “When I download the app, it says I need to trust it.”

Me: “Yes, when you first download it, you have to trust it to be able to sign in. This is a [Company]-specific app, so technically, the developer is untrusted.”

Caller: “So, what do I do?”

Me: “On your phone, go to Settings, General, [Company], [Company Certificate], and then when you click on that, it’ll give you an option to trust it.”

Caller: “My phone is saying not to trust it, so what do I do?”

Me: “You have to trust it.”

Caller: “But my phone says not to. Do I have to trust it?”

Me: “If you want to be able to use the app.”

Caller: “Well, my phone says not to.”

Me: “Yes, it might, because the app was developed [Company]-side, so technically, it’s not trusted because it’s not a known developer. It’s a safe app; you just have to tell your phone that, which is why you have to trust it.”

Caller: “But my phone says not to.”

Me: *Head-desk* “I understand that, but in order to use the app, you have to trust it.”

Caller: “Well, are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, I trusted it. Now it’s not going to delete stuff, is it?”

Me: “Um… well, not unless you tell it to?”

Caller: “No, I have storage on my phone like pictures and stuff, and this isn’t going to take that space, is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s going to take some space because it’s an app that needs to store data, but it’s not going to delete things.”

Caller: “So, it won’t delete my pictures?”

Me: “If the phone runs into storage issues, it should let you know and request that you move or delete things. But the app will not randomly start deleting your pictures.”

Caller: “Are you sure? And since I trusted it, it’s not going to steal my contacts, is it?”

Me: “Um, no.”

Caller: “I’m sorry to keep asking, but it’s just that fifteen years ago, someone hacked payroll and got all our information and I’m nervous about them getting stuff from my phone.” 

I am thinking, “Well, this isn’t fifteen years ago, and this has nothing to do with payroll, and how does that equate to deleting your pictures?”

Me: “No, this won’t steal your information.”

Caller: “Are you sure I have to trust it? And is it going to take up storage space?”

Me: “If you want to use the app, you need to keep it trusted. There will be some storage space used, yes.”

Caller: “Well, I pay for storage each month, so what happens if I go over with this?”

Me: “You might have to pay for extra space at that point, then, which you might be able to get reimbursed, but that’s something you’d have to clear with your manager. Or you can talk to your manager to see if you can get a [Company] iPad or cell phone.”

Caller: “I can get a company-owned device? I didn’t know that was an option!”

Me: “Well, it has to go through your manager and there has to be a valid business use case for it, but you’d have to talk to them.”

Caller: “I didn’t know we had company phones.”

Me: “They’re not handed out to everyone and it is still on a case-by-case basis that has to go through your manager.”

Caller: “So, I have to talk to my manager?”

Me: “If you want to see about getting a company phone. You do have the app installed on your current phone so you’ll be able to use it.”

Caller: “It won’t delete my info, will it?”

Me: “No.”

User: “Well, I guess I’ll go check in with my manager. Have a good night!”

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This Is Literally Rule Number One Of The Internet

, , , , | Working | July 30, 2021

I work in IT for a retail company. I’ve been recently helping support some of our backend retail systems, so I’ve been doing more tickets and queue work than being on the phones.

One thing that we stress through the company is to NEVER SHARE YOUR PASSWORD. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop people from doing it, and when we find out about it, there’s paperwork and resetting and frustration because users don’t understand why security is reaching out to lecture them.

I get a ticket for an issue with a system; it’s actually a known break that is actively being worked on.

User: “I can’t sign into [System]. It keeps telling me my credentials are incorrect even though I know they’re correct. My username is [Username] and here’s my password: [password].”

I actually stare at the ticket for a minute, trying to see if I am reading what I think I am reading. Then, I burst out laughing in our team meeting. I have to explain what has me laughing, which gets everyone else going.

Coworker #1: “Oh, come on. You’ll need to create a second ticket without the password and then send a request to security to get the initial incident removed from the system. Then let the user know they’ll need to reset their password. If they say no or don’t respond, just go expire it.”

I send a message to the user through our chat system.

Me: “Hi! I wanted to reach out regarding your incident [incident]. You included your password in the incident, which is a security violation. You’ll need to reset your password immediately.”

User: “Hi, [My Name]. I included it because I wanted to know if there was a reason why I am having so much trouble getting into [System]. But noted!”

Me: “Please don’t share your password with anyone or in incidents; for security reasons this is not allowed. There is an issue with [System] currently that this is related to. A new incident was created for your initial report as the security team will need to delete the original one. You will still need to change your password.”

User: “Okay, thanks!”

The number of people who willingly want to share their passwords scares me, honestly. I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve been tempted to use their password to do something (non-malicious and reversible) just to prove the point of why we don’t share passwords.

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Shrubbery Flubbery

, , , , , | Legal | July 29, 2021

I have a very small piece of land outside the front of my house. I have a few mature shrubs growing, really just so it isn’t bare ground. I keep it in reasonable shape, weed it when I remember, and trim it before it really goes onto the path. It’s never been an issue before today.

I hear an angry knock on the door and I answer.

Woman: “Your bushes, they cut me!”

She shows me the sleeve of her coat; it is indeed badly torn.

Me: “Oh, I, err… I’m sorry. I had no idea it was on the path.” 

Woman: “Oh, he didn’t know. He didn’t know. How is this fixing my coat?”

Me: “There is nothing I can do right now. But if you leave me your details, I—”

Woman: “You take this and buy me a new one. My husband will be round later. You’d better pay.”

She throws her coat at me and leaves.

I feel awful. I figure I’d better trim the bushes back before anyone else gets hurt. As I go outside with the shears, I quickly realise that the bushes are well away from the path. They haven’t grown much at all since I cut them. Confused, I ask my neighbour if their doorbell caught what happened.

It did! It turns out the woman was on her phone, tripped over her own feet, and fell into the bush. It was hilarious; she waddled around for ages to get out.

When her husband comes around, I show him the video.

Husband: “I should be pissed off, but that was funny as f***! Can you send that to me?”

Me: “What about the coat?”

Husband: “Oh, yeah, I’d better take that, too. Sorry about my wife; she can be a real dumba** sometimes.”

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You Just Can’t Make Some People Hear You

, , , , | Working | July 28, 2021

My coworker is on the phone with a customer.

Coworker #1: “This line is really bad. Could you call me back in a moment in case it fixes it?”

They call back.

Coworker #1: “Hey, guys, the phones here are really quiet. Is there a button that will adjust the volume?”

Coworker #2: *Without looking up* “Yeah, there is one somewhere, but they are already set to max and none of the rest of us are having any issues with them.”

I look over and see that [Coworker #1] is wearing a thick, wooly hat in the office, with a thick edge where it is rolled up. Our workspace AC is dysfunctional — it always puts out cold air instead of heat on cold days like today — so the hat is totally reasonable. Except…

Me: “Maybe you could try putting the phone under your hat to your ear instead of on the outside of the thick brim of your hat?”

The edge of her hat has to be almost an inch thick of layers of wool and it’s sitting directly over her ear.

Coworker #1: “No, that wouldn’t affect it. The phones here are just really quiet.”

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