It’s A Very Bad Signs, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

It’s our second week open after two months of being closed. We’ve implemented new procedures such as enter-only and exit-only doors, disinfecting carts after each use, and employees wearing masks. I have just rung up [Customer #1] and begun ringing up the man who was behind her in line. She turns around as she reaches the doors.

Customer #1: “How do I get out?”

Me: “That door right there.”

Customer #2: “Go left.”

Admittedly, our signs are only standard printer paper with bold capital letters, so they’re not the most eye-catching thing, but she was standing a foot or two from the “EXIT ONLY” sign. I would have thought that, plus the furniture displayed in the lobby — not to mention other customers coming and going — would have indicated there was only one direction to go. Apparently, this customer found it confusing.

Related:
It’s A Very Bad Signs, Part 3
It’s A Very Bad Signs, Part 2
It’s A Very Bad Signs

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A Special Deal On Stupid

, , , , , | Working | May 4, 2021

I’m searching around for new broadband deals when I spot a deal too good to be true. I call them up to check.

Me: “Hi. I’ve noticed you had a TV and Internet deal for [price], but without the TV it’s more expensive?”

Salesperson: “That’s right. We give you a box on which you can watch on-demand shows, films, and free-to-air channels.”

Me: “And this is cheaper than taking an Internet-only deal?”

Salesperson: “it is!”

Me: “Sign me up.”

I switch over to the company and I throw the TV box in a corner; I have no need for it. A few months later, I get a phone call from the same company.

Salesperson: “Our records show that you haven’t connected your TV box up to the Internet. Are you having problems with it?”

Me: “No, I just don’t want to use it.”

Salesperson: “But you’re paying for it.”

Me: “Actually, it was cheaper to do it that way.”

Salesperson: “Oh, okay, then. Would you like to return the TV box? We can send prepaid return packaging.”

Me: “Do I have to stop my TV package and pay more?”

Salesperson: “Let me check… Yes, you revert to the other package and your new monthly bill would be [amount] more.”

Me: “Then no. I think I will keep it.”

Salesperson: “Oh? Okay. Well, if you’re sure.”

I got a few more calls exactly like that one. The company stopped offering the package after a while. I guess no one wanted to pay more for less.

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H2-Oh, Really?

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

A coworker is straightening some shelves and has a shopping cart with her, in which she puts empty secondary packaging, expired merchandise, and the like. She also has her half-empty water bottle in there, which is definitely in a design that we don’t carry.

She leaves her cart to help a customer and she returns to her cart to find her bottle and almost all of the merchandise missing. A woman had been browsing next to the cart when she had left just a few moments before, so she starts to look for said woman. She finds the woman as she is stuffing the water bottle and a TV dinner — of which she has ripped off the packaging — into her shopping bag.

When confronted, the woman becomes very defensive.

Woman: “I wanted to buy this stuff! They were marked down, of course. Why else would they be in that cart?”

Coworker: “They were not marked down. In fact, they were never going to be; they were expired. And that water bottle wasn’t even for sale at all; it was my personal one!”

The woman still refused to admit her defeat, and the whole incident escalated to the point that security had to escort her outside.

We still shake our heads about it and wonder if she had a poor grip on reality and actually believed what she told us, or if she thought that we would fall for that tall tale she presented us, and if it had, in fact, worked somewhere else.

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Upon Balance, That Was A Stupid Thing To Ask

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

We got almost a foot of snow and ice last night, but we are still open. A customer comes sliding up the walkway, nearly faceplants into a snow pile, and enters the branch.

Customer: “Whew! It’s a nasty one, isn’t it? I’m surprised you guys are open! Why are you open?”

Me: “Oh, because people still come in to do banking, even on a day like this.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. Who would come out in all this snow just to go to the bank?”

Me: *Deadpan* “I have no idea, sir. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I just need my balance. That’s all.”

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Not Licensed To Be This Stupid

, , , | Right | May 4, 2021

While I don’t typically work the front counter, I do jump on register to help from time to time. I also help to answer the phone. On one particular morning, I pick up a line. Here in New York, most license plates start with three letters and end in four numbers. Commercial plates typically are five numbers followed by two letters.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Auto Parts Store], [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, I need a power steering cooler for a 2005 GMC.”

Me: “All right, sir, can you tell me what model GMC you have?”

Caller: “Uh, it says Z71 on the side.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that isn’t a model. If you look on the back of your vehicle it might have the model name.”

Caller: “It just says GMC on the back.”

Me: “All right, sir, that’s fine. Is your vehicle registered?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “If you tell me the plate number, I can look it up that way.”

Caller: “The what?”

Me: “The license plate number, sir.”

Caller: “What’s that?”

I’ve never had anyone ask me this question before, and I half expect the caller to say he’s just kidding, but he doesn’t say anything else.

Me: “It’s the plate with seven characters on your vehicle.”

Caller: “You mean like the VIN number?”

Me: “No, sir. If your vehicle is registered, then it’s the plate on the front or back of your vehicle. Do you have a plate like that?”

Caller: “Oh, yeah. It says [five digits].”

I think that maybe it is either a specialty plate, but a search of those five digits comes back with nothing for New York.

Me: “Is your vehicle registered in the state of New York?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “Are there any letters on the plate, too?”

Caller: “Uh, yeah, there’s [two letters].”

I put the letters in my search, too, and his model finally came up and I quoted him his price.

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