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Something, Something, Beggars, Choosers…

, , , , , , , | Working | December 1, 2021

[Coworker] has been complaining about selling his house for months. It’s a little rundown two-bed in the middle of nowhere. From what I saw in the photos, it looks way overpriced. He has mentioned that all the offers have been less than what he wants, and he isn’t going to take less than the maximum the estate agent said it could (possibly) get.

Me: “Morning, [Coworker], you all right?”

Coworker: “Yeah, although I’m sick of these buyers wasting my time.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I forgot you left early the other day. Did it not go well?”

Coworker: “Another offer below the asking. I don’t know why they waste my time.”

Me: “Do you think that the price might be a little high if everyone is offering less? I mean, due to the market at the moment.”

Coworker: “I was told that the house was worth up to [high price] and that’s what I want!”

Me: “Fair enough.”

I think, “Don’t moan all the time, then.”

Coworker: “I’m going to put in a cheap kitchen this weekend. Do you have any tools?”

Me: “Not for kitchens, sorry. I didn’t realise it needed a new kitchen. Are you doing it yourself?”

Coworker: “Well, [TV Show] said it could increase the value of the house. And they fitted a kitchen in an afternoon.”

Me: “Okay, wow. Well, good luck.”

I eventually found out that he fitted the cheapest kitchen he could find, and he didn’t do a good job of it, either. Another six months and he finally sold for even less than the offers he’d received before. Of course, this was all the buyer’s fault somehow.

In This Case, “Vegetarian” Means “Extra Stupid”

, , | Right | December 1, 2021

I’m working in a restaurant. A woman orders a vegetarian focaccia. When she gets it, she starts screaming in my face.

Customer: “My focaccia has no meat in it!”

Me: “That’s correct; it’s vegetarian.”

Customer: “’Vegetarian’ means ‘extra salad’!”

Me: “No, ‘vegetarian’ means it contains no meat. I can replace it with a meat version if you like.”

She kept arguing with me. When other customers started telling her she was wrong, she got embarrassed and tried to leave. She ran at the door and smacked into it.

I think about her whenever I see vegetarian options.

Missed Out On Good Customer Service By A (Lan)Yard

, , , , , | Working | November 30, 2021

I’m shopping for a few things for my baby. I need some help but realise there is no one wearing a uniform. In fact, I can’t recall there ever being a uniform here. I search the floor and give up. I take the rest of my things to the tills.

Cashier: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Me: “Actually, I couldn’t find anyone to help me, so I did struggle.”

Cashier: *Really defensively* “Actually, we all wear lanyards. So maybe look out for those next time!”

Me: “You mean the lanyard that you and everyone at the tills are not wearing?”

She looked down at herself and then at her friends. None of them were wearing lanyards or anything with the company name on.

I ended up looking for the rest of my items online. I found a site way cheaper so I didn’t need to go back to the store. Eventually, I guess most people did the same, as the store closed a year later.

She Has Beef With The Veggie Pizza

, , , , , | Right | November 30, 2021

I’m in line for the pizza place at the food court.

Lady In Front Of Me: “What kind of pizza is that?”

Employee: “That’s the veggie.”

Lady In Front Of Me: “Is there any beef in that?”

I facepalmed so hard I left a mark on my forehead.

It Might Be More Intelligent To Talk To The Rat

, , , | Right | November 30, 2021

I work for a small call center that takes overflow insurance calls for an extermination company.

Me: “Welcome to [Extermination Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “There’s a rat! I saw a rat in my garden!”

Me: “Right, so your insurance covers vermin inside the house, but it doesn’t cover the outside. If you have rats in the garden, I would advise you to try to clean up any—”

Customer: “I don’t care! You have to get here now. There’s a rat in my garden and I’m trapped in my car!”

Me: “Pardon me. Are you trying to say that you’ve been trapped in your car by a rat?

Here I’m imagining rodents of unusual size.

Customer: “Yes, I’m in my parking spot outside and I can see it by the shed and I don’t dare get out of the car as long as it’s there. How long until you can have someone here?”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you one single rat is not a threat to you. We can have a technician out within a few days to put out traps or poison if you want.”

Customer: “But I have a small child! I’m going to have to keep him inside until it’s gone!”

Me: “How old is your child?”

I’m picturing a toddler who might be curious about small furry things and unable to understand reasonable arguments not to touch them.

Customer: “He’s fifteen! I don’t want him to get rabies!”

Me: *To my manager, who has a lot more patience than I* “Boss! I think this one’s for you!”