(One customer complains about a game that is not giving tickets. Upon looking at the game, I discover that a fuse is blown. I place several “Out of Order” stickers over the coin slot and refund the customer. Two minutes later another customer approaches.)

Customer: “I just put a coin in this game and won tickets but none came out.”

Me: “I placed an ‘Out of Order’ sticker on the coin slot. Is it not on there anymore?”

Customer: “You mean these? They were in the way so I removed them. Can I get a refund?”

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(We have people wash their hands when they have to take out or put in contact lenses. Only one knob works for the faucet so we removed the other knob)

Customer: “How do you turn this?” *grabs at the stump where the knob was removed*

Me: “You use the other one.”

(A young man from Fullerton, CA calls to get our address in Rancho Cordova, CA.)

Caller: “Rancho Cordova? What coast is that on?”

Me: “We are in California, just like you.”

Caller: “Oh… So, East?”

(A customer wanders down the paint aisle where I’m working and asks for advice on which paint to use. I tell him, and he asks for the differences between brands)

Me: “[Brand #1] is just a bit thicker than [Brand #2]. But other than that, they’re pretty much the same.”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘thicker’?”

Me: “The paint has a thicker consistency.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Do you know what cake batter looks like? And water?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Cake batter is thicker than water, like [Brand #1] is thicker than [Brand #2].”

Customer: “[Brand #1] is cake batter?”

(It went on like this for a while. I end up leaving him there to contemplate)

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Customer: “How long is the one hour tour?”

Me: “60 Minutes.”

Customer: “Where does the harbour tour go?”

Me: “Around the harbour.”