They’re A Few Chocolate Chips Short Of A Cookie

, , , | Right | September 25, 2020

I’m working in a cookie shop.

Customer: “Hello. I’d like two cookies, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. What kind?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Chocolate chip, double chocolate chip, plain, macadamia.”

Customer: “Oh, no, just two cookies.”

Me: “Yes, but what kind?”

Customer: “Warmed.”

I hold up two chocolate chip cookies.

Me: “Is this okay?”

The customer just stared blankly, so I put them in the toaster. The customer seemed happy with it; she didn’t complain as far as I could see. It wasn’t like she was a foreigner who didn’t know English or something, either; she had a thick Boston accent.

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Distance Learning Isn’t The Problem Here

, , , , , | Learning | September 25, 2020

Recently, I started student-teaching an early-level math class for online instruction due to the health crisis. I’ve seen difficult students in the past, but coming into this school really shocked me. Here are a few of the most memorable stories.

I assigned some math problems for the students to do for homework in their textbook. It was something like numbers 19-26 and 30-35. The next day, I came into school and checked all of the online submissions. About half of the class only completed 19, 26, 30, and 35 because apparently the dash in the middle means nothing! Then, after we went over the answers in class, which I specifically mentioned that the dash means that you have to do all of the numbers in between, several students submitted late work with the exact same problem.

During one of my classes, only one student showed up in the online classroom early or on time. Every other student was at least seven minutes late, if they even decided to show up at all. So, to reward the one student, we told him to only do the odd problems — half — of the homework assignment while everyone else had to complete all the problems. The next day, I checked this student’s work and he completed the evens.

This one takes the cake in my mind. I assigned ten questions for homework. The ten questions all fit on the first page of a PDF file. On the second page of the PDF were the exact same ten questions with the solution, written in red, directly underneath the problem. The goal was to get the students to show their work and then check their answers. An hour after the homework was given, I got an email:

“Hello, [My Name]: I see that we actually have twenty problems to do for homework and I’m wondering if we have to do them all. I’m really unsure if my answers are correct.”

This baffled me! This student actually had to go through the second page to count all of the problems in order to find out that there were twenty total questions in the PDF! During this time, she didn’t once realize that they were the exact same questions?! Or even that there were answers written in bright red?!

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You Try To Do Something Nice…

, , , , | Right | September 24, 2020

I work at a retail store for a major telecom company in the UK. We sell both prepaid sims and contracts, and we are not commission-based. Our goal is usually to ensure that customers get the best value for their money. A lot of customers feel, however, that contract sims equal money stealing, despite the fact that direct debit standards placed by the Financial Conduct Authority and OFCOM mean that I would literally lose my job if I tried that.

I had the cream of the crop today, though.

An old lady wants to top up her phone, so we sit down and she gives me her number. The moment I enter her number to top up her account, her top-up history loads up.

Me: “I notice you’ve topped up £10 thrice in the past month with us. That’s a lot of money. What do you use your phone for?”

Customer: “Just calling and texting.”

Me: “Well, you’re clearly calling and texting a lot. There are contracts from £7 a month that would give you unlimited texts and calls; it would be far cheaper for you.”

Customer: *Shaking her head angrily* “NO DIRECT DEBITS! I ONLY PAY FOR WHAT I USE THE PHONE FOR! I don’t use the phone for Internet.”

Me: “You’ll still be paying us for what you use the phone for, but you’re saving at least a quarter of your bill every month. This plan doesn’t include Internet. I wouldn’t offer Internet based on your phone, anyway.”

I motion to her tiny button phone. She snatches her purse from the table.

Customer: “I only top up once every few months. Your system is lying.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “All I want is a £10 top-up! Your money-grabbing schemes will never work on me!”

I top up the account with a shrug.

Me: “Sure. See you in ten days.”

She glared at me as she left the shop. But I bet I’ll see her again in a week and we’re going to have the exact conversation again.

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Higher Than His Intelligence Level, That’s For Sure

, , , , | Right | September 24, 2020

I work at an on-campus smoothie shop throughout college and have had many interesting and funny interactions with other students during my time here. This one has always stuck out to me.

Two guys approach my register, and one of them has incredibly red eyes and looks pretty, well, “baked.”

Me: “Hi! What can I get you guys?”

Guy #1: “Yeah… Uh, yeah. Can I get—um… I want strawberry and banana. What comes in that?”

Me: “Our strawberry banana smoothie is called [Smoothie #1]. It has strawberries and bananas and it also comes with milk, sugar, and van—”

Guy #1: “Yeah, it’s good, it’s good, it’s good. What about [Smoothie #2]?”

Me: “That one is mostly banana and ice cream. It’s very good! It’s thick like a milkshake, though.”

Guy #1: “So, it’s a milkshake?”

Me: “Well, it’s a smoothie. It’s just a bit thick.”

Guy #1: “It’s a milkshake?”

Me: “It’s a banana smoothie with some ice cream.”

Guy #1: “Okay. It’s a milkshake?”

I’m starting to realize we could be here all day.

Me: “Yeah, kind of.”

Guy #1: “I’ll get that. Does it— Um. Will it taste like a smoothie?”

Guy #2: *Totally embarrassed* “Dude, the store is called Smoothie [Shop]. They serve smoothies; they’re all gonna taste like smoothies! Please just pick something!”

I thought the whole interaction was hilarious. It was also not the last time we got some really high students in our store.

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Baking And Math Don’t Care About Your Opinion

, , , , , , | Related | September 24, 2020

My sister is making a cake, and I notice that there seems to be an awful lot of batter for the size of the pans.

Me: “I don’t think that’s going to fit.”

Sister: “I followed the recipe.”

Me: “Can I see?”

I skim the recipe and notice that it calls for twenty-three-centimetre pans.

Me: “Your pans are way too small.”

Sister: “No, I didn’t want the cake to be that big, so I cut the recipe in half.”

Me: “Okay, but your pans are still too small.”

Sister: “No, the recipe says twenty-three centimeters; these are about twelve. They’ll be fine.”

Me: “But they’re round pans.”

Sister: “So?”

Me: “So, the volume of a cylinder is pi R squared times the height. A cylinder with a radius that’s half as big will have a quarter of the volume.”

Sister: “That doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “Yes, it does. Look, five squared is twenty-five, right? And ten squared is a hundred. A pan that’s half the volume of a twenty-three-centimetre pan if it’s the same height would have a diameter of…” *does the math on my phone* “…about sixteen centimetres.”

Sister: “Well, that’s your opinion.”

Me: *Incredulous pause* “It is literally math.”

Sister: *Scoffing* “Whatever. It’ll be fine.”

Naturally, the pans overflowed in the oven and it made a huge mess. Baking is not a good place for people who are bad at math.

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