One Big Unhappy Family

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work in a tourist attraction. The ticket price is the same for everyone aged four to fifty-nine with the option of a “saver ticket” that gives a discount on any combination of four people.

Customer: “I’d like a family ticket, please.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like the saver ticket for four people?”

Customer: “No, it’s just me and my two kids.”

Me: “Oh, in that case, it’s actually cheaper for you to buy tickets individually. The price is [total].”

This is over £10 less than the price of a saver ticket. The customer is suddenly angry for some reason.

Customer: “Are you saying I can’t have a family ticket because there are only three of us?! That’s discrimination against single-parent families!”

Me: “No, not at all. We don’t actually have a family ticket as such — a saver ticket is for any combination of four people — but it’s cheaper for you to buy three tickets than it is to get that.”

Customer: “No! I will not be discriminated against! I want the family ticket!”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure… So that’s a saver ticket at [higher price].”

Customer: “Thank you! Now was that really so hard?”

He walks off, grumbling about discrimination. The next customer in line comes up.

Customer #2: “Did that dude really just pay for four people when there were only three just to prove a point?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so.”

Customer #2: “Well, we have a family of five, so can one of us go in as the extra person he paid for, and then I get one saver ticket for the other four?”

Me: “Sure, why not?!”

I don’t know what your problem was, angry dude. I know there are families of all shapes and sizes, but your unwillingness to listen to me trying to save you money made someone else’s day instead!

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The Longitude Is Zero And So Is Their Understanding

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work at a popular London tourist attraction, on one of the entrances. I get approached by a visitor who is struggling to find the main part of our attraction: the Prime Meridian Line.

Visitor: “Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where is the Meridian Line?”

I point to where it is.

Me: “You see where the different paving stones and metal tiles on the ground are? Where everyone is taking photos? That’s the Meridian Line.”

The visitor wanders over to a point closer to the line so he can see it better. I continue to deal with other visitor enquiries until he wanders back over, looking puzzled.

Me: “Hello again, sir, how can I help?”

Visitor: “I still can’t see the line. Could you come up and show me?”

I walk over to the better viewing point with him and begin explaining again.

Me: “You see the tree over there? It’s the metal line underneath the tree.”

Visitor: “Ah, so the Meridian Line is the tree?”

Me: “…”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 15
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 14
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 13
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 12
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 11

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 43

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I’m working in a library and a patron comes up for help, indicating her laptop.

Patron: “I can’t get my Wi-Fi on here.”

The words “my Wi-Fi” should be a clue, but I don’t really cabbage on to what she is saying.

Me: “Let’s see what we can do.”

I fuss with her computer, clicking on the appropriate icons and words until I get to the spot to choose the library’s Wi-Fi and get her on board.

Me: “And you are in!”

Patron: “No. That’s your Wi-Fi. I want my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “Your Wi-Fi.”

Patron: “I don’t want to use your Wi-Fi. I want to use my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patron: “At my apartment at [address halfway across town], we have Wi-Fi. I want to use my Wi-Fi. How can I use my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “You have to go home to your apartment to use their Wi-Fi. When you are here, you use our Wi-Fi.”

Patron: “No. I want to use my Wi-Fi here.”

She danced around with me and two colleagues on this issue every… single… time she came in.

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 42
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 41
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 40
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 39
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 38

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I’ll Take One Scoop Of Vanilla, And One Scoop Of Changing The Laws Of Thermodynamics, Part 2

, , | Right | March 1, 2021

A customer I served about two hours ago comes back in and approaches the counter. Before I get a chance to say anything, she starts talking.

Customer: “I don’t want a refund but I would like you to know that your [Store Brand Ice Cream] is faulty.”

Me: “Oh, what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It’s soup.”

Me: *After pausing for a moment* “Okay?”

Customer: “I just got home with it and went to have some but it was soup. It still tasted good, though.”

Me: “You bought this a couple of hours ago, right?”

Customer: “Yeah, and then I put it in the car while I went to the gym. Can you pass it on to your manager or not?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll pass it on.”

For reference, this was in the middle of summer in Australia. The manager shook his head when he heard the story.

I’ll Take One Scoop Of Vanilla, And One Scoop Of Changing The Laws Of Thermodynamics

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No, All These People Are Just Holograms

, , , | Right | March 1, 2021

I’m working in the dining room at a restaurant at around five o’clock. A lady comes up to me.

Customer: “Excuse me. Are you open right now?”

I look to my left where a bunch of customers are eating. I look to my right where there is a huge line of customers. I look at all of the customers who are walking around us.

Customer: “…”

Me: “Yes.”

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