All-Or-Nothing Housekeeping Service

, , , | Working | May 6, 2021

I am travelling for business: a supplier day-visit turned into a week-long event. It isn’t the holiday people think; I see the inside of a factory until it is dark, sleep in a hotel, wake, and go straight to the factory again. It isn’t fun. I barely sleep, and all the work I would be doing is waiting for me when I get back.

The hotel is pretty nice, at least. The rooms are okay and the food okay, but the staff try way too hard. I constantly have to stop them from topping up my drinks and even bringing me food I haven’t ordered. They still expect me to pay, and it all goes through work. I get a big telling-off if I spend or drink too much.

One afternoon, I return to the room to find the clothes I had laid out for the next day arranged with the towels into an animal. It’s late, but I stay up to re-iron everything again for the morning. On my way out the following morning, I stop by the front desk.

Me: “Sorry, but could housekeeping please not arrange my clothes?”

Receptionist: “Sorry?”

Me: “The towel animals — please don’t do that anymore. My clothes were creased and folded.”

Receptionist: “It’s all part of the service.”

Me: “Yes, but I… Look, please stop.”

Receptionist: “Oh, okay. I will let them know.”

I get back again, late. My room has not been cleaned and the toiletries are empty. I go down to reception, thinking there has been a mistake.

Me: “My room hasn’t been cleaned. Can I get some toiletries, please?.”

The receptionist checks her computer.

Receptionist: “You asked for housekeeping to not replace the towels?”

Me: “Yes, not for the room to be cleaned. Can I get some toiletries?”

Receptionist: “Sorry, we asked them not to do your room as you asked.”

I gave up. Her English was perfect but she couldn’t understand that I didn’t want people messing with what was clearly my work stuff. I couldn’t get them to clean my room, so I ended up buying what I needed instead. I made sure work knew not to book there again.

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So Fake It Becomes Hydronium Behind Your Back

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2021

A lady comes to my register with a pack of bottled water. It’s nothing fancy, just a twelve-pack of water bottles. The only remarkable thing about the bottles is that the plastic is blue.

Customer: “Is this real water?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “But it’s blue!”

Me: “Oh, that’s just the packaging! It’s just spring water in a blue bottle.”

Customer: “Well, last time I was here, I bought some water and it was fake! I don’t want fake water; I can’t drink it!”

I’ve worked at this store since it opened nearly seven years ago. We’ve always had this bottled water, and this brand only. The only difference is that the company changed the bottles to blue plastic from clear at least a year ago.

Me: “I’ve had that water. I promise you, it’s fine, honestly!”

Customer: “Okay, then.”

She purchases three twelve-packs and leaves.

Coworker: “Did she say fake water? How on earth do you make fake water?!”

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Her Head Is Doing Yours In

, , , , , | Right | May 5, 2021

Me: “Your total is $96.37.”

Customer: “But the total was $70 in my head!”

I go over her purchases with her to make sure everything rang up correctly; it did.

Customer: “But it was only $70 in my head!”

I go over the receipt with her again, adding everything out loud.

Customer: “I don’t understand why it’s so much; it was only $70 in my head!”

I pull out my phone calculator and calculate everything again one by one and add the tax. The calculator, of course, shows the same total as the register.

Customer: “But it was only $70 in my head!”

I just shrugged, as there was really nothing else I could do, and she left.

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Milking The Truth A Little

, , , | Right | May 5, 2021

A woman walks into our Mexican fast food place.

Customer: “I’ll have a bowl. I’m vegetarian.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of rice and beans? Would you like queso or fajitas?”

Customer: “Oh, my God, no! I told you I’m vegetarian! I don’t eat cheese!”

Me: “I’m sorry. So, you are vegan. Okay.”

I continue on to the salsas.

Customer: “I just can’t stand the idea of killing those poor baby cows for the milk!”

Me: “I’m sorry… What?”

Customer: “I don’t believe in killing the baby cow for the milk!”

Me: “Um… they don’t kill the calf for the milk. Once the baby drinks its fill, the rancher takes the cow in and extracts the rest of the milk so the cow can produce more. Cows make more milk than the baby needs.”

Customer: “Wait… so the baby cow can stay alive? They don’t kill them?”

Me: “Exactly! Same with eggs. The ones we eat don’t have chicks in them.”

Customer: “Is any of your meat from baby animals?”

I told her no, it’s all from adults, so she ordered chicken in her bowl and extra queso.

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It’s Breast Not To Thigh Again

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

Customer: “What kind of chicken do you use for your fried chicken wings?”

Me: “I’m unsure of the brand, but I can check.”

Customer: “No, what part of the chicken is it?”

Me: “They are chicken wings.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand my question. Is it chicken thigh or chicken breast?”

Me: “It is made with chicken wings.”

Customer: “Okay, you aren’t hearing me. Chicken is sold in different parts. What part are you selling?”

Me: “Chicken wings. The dish is fried chicken wings. Are you perhaps asking if they are boneless? They aren’t. They are actual bone-in wings.”

Customer: “I’m asking what type of chicken it is. You are making this way more difficult than it has to be.”

Me: “Here, our menu has a picture of the dish. These are the chicken wings available today.”

Customer: “How can I tell what kind of chicken it is if it is covered in brown crunchies?”

Me: “Brown… crunchies? These are certainly chicken wings. You can see the bone here.”

Customer: “All I want to know is what kind of chicken you are serving.”

Me: “Fried chicken wings!”

This went on for a long time. She didn’t even order the meal.

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