Good Luck With That, Buddy

, , , , | Working | July 26, 2021

My dad is the head of the chemistry department at a small, rural university. He is looking through resumes for an open faculty position. One candidate wrote this as the reason for leaving their previous position.

Candidate: “I wanted to work in a fast-paced, urban environment.”

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A Self-Labelled Idiot

, , | Right | July 26, 2021

I work in the print department of an office store, and I’m in charge of the [Shipping Company] shipping station, as well. Customers can ship packages in our store or drop off packages if they have a prepaid [Shipping Company] label. One day a customer comes in with a box, onto which she has written the address and return information. I greet her, thinking things will go normally.

Me: “Hello! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I have a package for [Shipping Company].”

Me: “Am I shipping this out for you, or do you have a label?”

Customer: “The label is right on the package.”

Me: *Looks for it* “There’s no label here. I can create one for you, but you will have to pay for shipping.”

Customer: “Why would I have to pay for shipping? Can’t I just drop it off?”

Me: “No, I would have to create a label because it has to be a [Shipping Company] package.”

Customer: “This is a [Shipping Company] package.”

I was silent for a few seconds. I don’t know how she got the idea into her head that she could just write down the information on the box to mail it through [Shipping Company]. I explained, again, how shipping services work, just for her to leave the store because she didn’t want to pay for shipping.

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Stupidity: Unplugged

, , , | Right | CREDIT: WaffleStomperGirl | July 25, 2021

Customer: “I bought this new laptop, but I didn’t like the look of the touchpad so I bought an external wireless mouse to use instead. But it’s not working.”

Me: “Did your mouse come with a little Bluetooth receiver?”

Customer: “Yes, it did.”

Me: “Okay, have you plugged that in?”

Customer: “No, I haven’t.”

Okay, good; this’ll be easy, I figure.

Me: “Plug it in and tell me what prompts you see.”

She sighs angrily to herself, and after a few seconds:

Customer: “Nothing came up.”

Me: “Try moving the mouse.”

Customer: *Angrily* “Yeah, it moves.”

Me: “Great! Problem solved!”


Customer: “Okay, but I don’t want this Bluetooth thing connected. What’s the point of buying it if it has to be plugged in?”

Puzzled for a moment, I try to explain that it’s simply a reality of wireless mice, as well as a lot of wireless devices with laptops.

Customer: “Well, that’s insane. It’s needless! The computer already has one connected. I wanted an unconnected one! Now I have to deal with this Bluetooth lead with it getting in the way constantly!”

Again, puzzled, I ask her what brand wireless mouse she purchased so I can look it up and may get an idea of what she is talking about.

She reads the box. And, of course, it’s a wired mouse. That brand doesn’t even sell wireless mice.

Me: “Does the ‘Bluetooth lead’ connect to the mouse physically?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s the problem!”

Me: “You’ve bought a wired mouse. You need to return it and get a wireless one if that’s what you want.”

Customer: “But why can’t you just remove the lead? What’s the point of it being wireless if it has the lead?”

Me: “It’s not a wireless mouse, ma’am.”

Customer: “I’m aware of that, and that’s what I’m saying is the issue!”

Me: “Ma’am. The device you bought is not able to be wireless.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: *Pauses* “It wasn’t built that way. It was built to have the wire.”

Customer: “That’s pointless! The computer already has a connected mouse thing. Why would they sell one that can’t be wireless?”

Me: *Pauses longer* “Yeah, I don’t know. You should return it. Make sure they sell you a wireless one. Tell them you specifically want one that is Bluetooth and wireless.”

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​​STOP And Think About This For A Moment

, , , , | Right | July 23, 2021

I work as a licensed insurance agent for an agency that exclusively represents one of the largest insurance companies in the country. One day, I received a call from a client who needed to submit a claim on his automobile insurance. I got him successfully transferred to the claims department to get this done. Ten minutes later, my phone rings again.

Me: “Thanks for calling [Agency] of [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, [My Name], this is [Customer]. You helped me get my claim submitted earlier?”

Me: “Yes, [Customer], what can I do for you now?”

Customer: “The claims department from [Company] sent me a text with my claim number in it. At the end of the text, it says to reply with the word ‘STOP’ if I don’t want to continue to receive texts. What is this?”

Me: “That just means that if you want to keep receiving texts about your claim, then don’t do anything. But if you don’t want to be bothered with the texts, then reply with the word ‘STOP.’”

Customer: “Okay, but am I continuing to receive this text now? I don’t want that.”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand, sir.”

Customer: “Is this text continuing to come to me if I don’t send the word ‘STOP’? I don’t want to use that much data. I don’t want to be charged for that.”

Me: *Head on desk* “No, no, sir. That isn’t happening. That text has ended.”

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This Is Going To Be A Very Long Account

, , , | Right | July 23, 2021

I was helping an elderly customer making their first customer account on our website. They did try from the website on a tablet and then the app on said tablet; they didn’t have a computer. After thirty minutes of it not working:

Customer: “Would it work on the app from a phone?”

Me: “Yes, that should work, but it might be difficult now since you’re talking with me.”

Customer: “The phone is around here somewhere, but it’s been hard to find all day.”

I assumed they maybe had two phones for different purposes, so I just waited… until the customer realised that they were using said phone to talk with me.

After a forty-minute phone call without them being able to make an account, they would now try on their own and call back the day after. I ended up staying until well after closing because of the call.

At least the customer was nice to talk to and joked about their own mistake, so that was not as bad as it could have been.

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