One Big Unhappy Family

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work in a tourist attraction. The ticket price is the same for everyone aged four to fifty-nine with the option of a “saver ticket” that gives a discount on any combination of four people.

Customer: “I’d like a family ticket, please.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like the saver ticket for four people?”

Customer: “No, it’s just me and my two kids.”

Me: “Oh, in that case, it’s actually cheaper for you to buy tickets individually. The price is [total].”

This is over £10 less than the price of a saver ticket. The customer is suddenly angry for some reason.

Customer: “Are you saying I can’t have a family ticket because there are only three of us?! That’s discrimination against single-parent families!”

Me: “No, not at all. We don’t actually have a family ticket as such — a saver ticket is for any combination of four people — but it’s cheaper for you to buy three tickets than it is to get that.”

Customer: “No! I will not be discriminated against! I want the family ticket!”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure… So that’s a saver ticket at [higher price].”

Customer: “Thank you! Now was that really so hard?”

He walks off, grumbling about discrimination. The next customer in line comes up.

Customer #2: “Did that dude really just pay for four people when there were only three just to prove a point?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so.”

Customer #2: “Well, we have a family of five, so can one of us go in as the extra person he paid for, and then I get one saver ticket for the other four?”

Me: “Sure, why not?!”

I don’t know what your problem was, angry dude. I know there are families of all shapes and sizes, but your unwillingness to listen to me trying to save you money made someone else’s day instead!

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The Longitude Is Zero And So Is Their Understanding

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work at a popular London tourist attraction, on one of the entrances. I get approached by a visitor who is struggling to find the main part of our attraction: the Prime Meridian Line.

Visitor: “Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where is the Meridian Line?”

I point to where it is.

Me: “You see where the different paving stones and metal tiles on the ground are? Where everyone is taking photos? That’s the Meridian Line.”

The visitor wanders over to a point closer to the line so he can see it better. I continue to deal with other visitor enquiries until he wanders back over, looking puzzled.

Me: “Hello again, sir, how can I help?”

Visitor: “I still can’t see the line. Could you come up and show me?”

I walk over to the better viewing point with him and begin explaining again.

Me: “You see the tree over there? It’s the metal line underneath the tree.”

Visitor: “Ah, so the Meridian Line is the tree?”

Me: “…”

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 15
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 14
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 13
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 12
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 11

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 43

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I’m working in a library and a patron comes up for help, indicating her laptop.

Patron: “I can’t get my Wi-Fi on here.”

The words “my Wi-Fi” should be a clue, but I don’t really cabbage on to what she is saying.

Me: “Let’s see what we can do.”

I fuss with her computer, clicking on the appropriate icons and words until I get to the spot to choose the library’s Wi-Fi and get her on board.

Me: “And you are in!”

Patron: “No. That’s your Wi-Fi. I want my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “Your Wi-Fi.”

Patron: “I don’t want to use your Wi-Fi. I want to use my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patron: “At my apartment at [address halfway across town], we have Wi-Fi. I want to use my Wi-Fi. How can I use my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “You have to go home to your apartment to use their Wi-Fi. When you are here, you use our Wi-Fi.”

Patron: “No. I want to use my Wi-Fi here.”

She danced around with me and two colleagues on this issue every… single… time she came in.

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 42
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 41
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 40
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 39
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 38

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I’ll Take One Scoop Of Vanilla, And One Scoop Of Changing The Laws Of Thermodynamics, Part 2

, , | Right | March 1, 2021

A customer I served about two hours ago comes back in and approaches the counter. Before I get a chance to say anything, she starts talking.

Customer: “I don’t want a refund but I would like you to know that your [Store Brand Ice Cream] is faulty.”

Me: “Oh, what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It’s soup.”

Me: *After pausing for a moment* “Okay?”

Customer: “I just got home with it and went to have some but it was soup. It still tasted good, though.”

Me: “You bought this a couple of hours ago, right?”

Customer: “Yeah, and then I put it in the car while I went to the gym. Can you pass it on to your manager or not?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll pass it on.”

For reference, this was in the middle of summer in Australia. The manager shook his head when he heard the story.

Related:
I’ll Take One Scoop Of Vanilla, And One Scoop Of Changing The Laws Of Thermodynamics

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No, All These People Are Just Holograms

, , , | Right | March 1, 2021

I’m working in the dining room at a restaurant at around five o’clock. A lady comes up to me.

Customer: “Excuse me. Are you open right now?”

I look to my left where a bunch of customers are eating. I look to my right where there is a huge line of customers. I look at all of the customers who are walking around us.

Customer: “…”

Me: “Yes.”

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