(I graduated high school two years ago, and I’m currently attending college. Over the summer I am staying at my parents’ house. Long story short, I need to get my driving “green card” from my high school, a document saying that I passed the driver’s class, in order to get my driver’s license. Obviously, I can’t drive there, so I decide to walk there since I have a lot of free time and it’s relatively close by. There are no walkways or anything, only a grassy side path, meaning I have to walk next to the street for a majority of the way. This isn’t a huge problem until I get to the school, where the side path cuts off, forcing me to either walk in the middle of the road, or walk through the school yard. I choose the latter, for obvious reasons.)

Teacher: “Hey, what are you doing?”

Me: “Just walking around the school to get to the main office.”

Teacher: “You’re not supposed to be out there without a teacher!”

(I think nothing of this and move on, getting inside and heading towards the office. When I get there, the receptionist is on her walkie-talkie.)

Voice: *from the walkie-talkie* “Apparently there’s some kid wandering around outside the school. He said he was heading to the office.”

Me: *to the receptionist* “Yeah, that was me. I walked here from my house to get my green card saying I passed the driver’s ed class.”

Receptionist: “Why were you wandering around outside?”

Me: *laughing* “Because it was safer than walking through the street? Sorry, I had no other option.”

Receptionist: “You shouldn’t do that. On your way back, don’t walk through the yard.”

Me: “Well, like I said, it was either that or walk through the middle of the road, so…”

Receptionist: “Well, do that then.”

Me: “Hold on. Did you, a school employee, just tell me I should walk down the middle of the street during lunch hour?”

Receptionist: “Yes, I did. You can’t just wander around school grounds without a teacher or staff member present.”

(Eventually I left, making sure not to walk on their precious school grounds. I still can’t believe I was told that I should walk down the middle of the road!)

(I work in the dog and cat department of a big pet store in a local mall. Probably half of our customers come in from out of town. This happens when I answer a call for my department one day.)

Me: “Thanks for holding for [Pet Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was in the store earlier today, and I bought a kennel, but the cashier also charged me for a bag of [Puppy Food].”

Me: “Oh! I’m sorry. If you could bring your receipt to the store, we’d be happy to get you a refund.”

Customer: “She also gave me the food.”

Me: “I’m sorry; did you say you have the bag of food?”

Customer: “Yeah. But I don’t want it.”

Me: “Okay. Well, if you could bring the bag of food and your receipt back to the store, we’ll get you a refund.”

Customer: “I live in [Nearby Town].”

Me: “Okay. Well, our return policy is thirty days, but if you don’t think you can make it back within that time, I can pass you on to my manager, and she can extend that window.”

Customer: “Can’t you just do the refund over the phone? I paid by debit.”

Me: “Uh… no. No, we can’t do a refund over the phone.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “For one thing, you can’t do debit transactions over the phone, period. For another, you have the product. You need to bring the product back, and your debit card, for us to do the refund.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the dog food.”

Me: “That’s fine. You need to bring it back to the store so we can do the refund.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(I am moving out of state soon and am calling around to shut off all of my utilities.)

Me: “Hi! I am moving and need to set up a shut off date for my gas. Everything should be paid in full.”

Operator: “Let’s see. It says you have zero balance due.”

Me: “Yep.”

(There is a long pause. I begin to wonder if we have been disconnected when she speaks again.)

Operator: “$58.49.”

Me: “What?”

(There is another long pause. This time I can clearly hear her still on the line, though she is not speaking. When she speaks up again she sounds even more confused.)

Operator: “That was due on the first.”

Me: “Okay?”

Operator: “Your payment was due on the first.”

Me: “Yes, that payment should have gone through.”

Operator: “What?”

Me: “I paid that.”

(There is yet another long pause. At this point it’s clear she can hear me just fine; she just seems baffled.)

Operator: “It says you have no payment due.”

Me: “Exactly.”

Operator: “So… you don’t owe anything.”

Me: “Right. I just want to set up a shut-off date. I’m moving.”

(Thankfully, she finally seemed to understand and set up my appointment. Not trusting her, I called back another day to confirm.)

(I work in the electronics department for an office supply chain. Some of our displays for copiers and printers are fake, but customers don’t realize it sometimes.)

Customer: “Hello, I need someone to show me how to change the toner on this copy machine.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but that’s a fake display. I can describe the process but I won’t be able to show you on this model.”

Customer: *becoming irate* “No, I need you to show me on this machine!”

Me: “Like I said, unfortunately this machine is just a plastic display. I can’t open the part that holds the toner.”

Customer: “Then you need to find me someone who can! You don’t know anything!”

(I walk away to find a manager to handle the situation. After several minutes of helping her, she finally leaves.)

Me: “So, did she ask you to show her where the toner went?”

Manager: “I picked up the copier off the shelf and shook it to show her it was fake. I think she figured it out.”

Customer: “Excuse me, young man, what is the difference between the large and small fish and chips?”

Me: “Erm, they are different sizes.”

Customer: “Yes, but what is the actual difference?”

Me: “Erm, well, there are fewer chips, and the fish is a bit smaller.”

Customer: “Thank you, young man. I will have the rabbit pie, please.”