(Our store price-matches to any place with a brick and mortar store, or to Amazon as long as the item is sold and shipped by Amazon and is the exact same item that they want to have us match — same brand, quantity, etc. The following conversation happens way more than it should.)

Customer: *talking with a very sarcastic, rude tone to start with* “Yeah, this charging cord is $9.99, but its only $1.50 online. Am I missing something?”

Me: “Oh, well, we do price-match within certain guidelines, so let’s go where it is cheaper online. Do you have the item pulled up on your phone?”

Customer: “No, I just want to know why it is so expensive here. What am I missing?”

Me: “Well, that is pretty standard pricing as far as I know, although it may be on sale online. Can I see what one you were looking at that was cheaper?”

(The customer grumbles and pulls up his phone to Amazon.)

Customer: “Here! Why is yours so much more?!”

Me: *see’s that he has pulled up a cheap, knockoff brand that is one-foot shorter than the one he is looking at in the store* “Oh, it looks like this item is a different brand and length, so that would explain the price difference.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t; I want to know why yours is so much more expensive than the same thing online?!”

Me: “Sir, it is not the same thing; the one in our store is a very reliable, high-quality brand, and is a full foot longer than the cheap, knockoff brand on Amazon. It isn’t the same.”

Customer: “What are you? Thick? Answer my question!”

Me: *really trying to keep my cool and deciding to try and shock him to his senses* “Sir, I want to buy a horse.”

Customer: “No, I… Wait, what?”

Me: “I want to buy a horse. I look at two different ones. One is beautiful, healthy, purebred, and proven to be a wonderful racehorse. The other one has short legs, isn’t reliable, and it’s ugly. The first, perfect horse is $10,000; the second, ugly horse is only $100. Now, are these horses the same?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “You see, they are the same in the fact that they are horses, just like these are both charging cords, but they are being sold by different people and are completely different bloodlines, health statuses, and reliability. So, why would I expect the $10,000 horse to be given to me for only $100, the same price as the terrible horse from the knockoff owner? I wouldn’t, because that is silly, isn’t it?” *I smile sweetly at the customer*

Customer: *starts getting red* ” I! You! Oh, forget it!”

(He throws the item down and stomps out. My manager walks up:)

Manager: “Did you just get that idiot to leave by comparing our product to horses?”

Me: “Yep!”

Manager: “I owe you lunch!”

(I have since tried that line of conversation on similar situations, and it usually gets the customer to see sense!)

(This happens at least twice a day at our self-serve computer, after the customer has asked for help.)

Me: “If you’re emailing it, you need to first open the Internet browser.” *points to it on the screen*

(The customer has a blank look on their face.)

Me: *pointing again* “Right there. Okay, now type in the provider of your email address.”

(The customer types in their email address in the website bar.)

Me: “No, not your full email, just the website you use to get at your email.”

(The customer types.)

Me: “Then, hit enter… Hit enter… The enter key, on the keyboard… The one that says enter.”

(The customer finds it.)

Me: “Now, click right here so you can sign in… Right here… No, left click. No, left click. Click the left button on the mouse… That’s the right button.”

(I work at Dulles Airport, about 45 minutes from Washington, DC, but close enough to still be considered part of the “DC Area,” which tends to confuse people. My second job there is as a retail associate, and two people asked me the same question in two consecutive days.)

Passenger: “Hi! Is there a window where I can look out and see the White House?”

(We have a new intern working with us. He has been fine for the past week and has been set up with a computer login to get some involvement with actual estimating. After a couple of hours, he pops this question.)

Intern: “How do you guys work without the Internet?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Intern: “You said I need to use the Internet, but I can’t get on it.”

Me: “You’ve been emailing me, though.”

Intern: “I know, but the Internet won’t work.”

(I go over to his computer and see that he is trying to access Facebook.)

Me: “I see. Facebook is blocked on our network.”

Intern: “You blocked the Internet? How do you get any work done?”

Me: “No, we haven’t blocked the entire Internet. Just Facebook.”

(This confused him so much that he had to lie down. After a week of similar questions, our manager agreed mutually with him that perhaps this office wasn’t the best place for him. He now works on the tools, and seems much happier for it.)

(The dorm complex where I live has its own cafeteria, with a pretty decent selection of foods. While standing in line at one of my favorite spots, the girl in front of me has a rather interesting request…)

Girl: “I’d like a vegan cheese sandwich, please.”

Lunch Lady: “Er… I’m not exactly sure what you mean. Do you just want bread?”

(They only have regular cheese, and they butter both sides of the bread before grilling, so it’s no wonder the poor woman is confused.)

Girl: *insistent* “No, I want a vegan cheese sandwich!”

Lunch Lady: “Well, I don’t think we have—”

Girl: *slamming her hands down on the counter* “NO! I WANT A VEGAN CHEESE SANDWICH, YOU STUPID B****!”

(She finally leaves when a couple of the other students and I tell her to stop being stupid. She keeps screaming about her vegan cheese sandwich all the way to the door before slamming it shut behind her.)

Me: *steps up to the counter* “I’d like a non-vegan cheese sandwich, please.”

Related:
Will Say It Vegan And Again