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The Guinea Pig Goes Hiss

, , , , | Right | September 6, 2008

(I am showing a guinea pig to a middle-aged customer in a suit and tie who seems interested in buying it for his kids.)

Customer: “So, they eat special food just for guinea pigs?”

Me: “Yeah, there is a food that we sell that is specially customized to their needs, but you can also feed them rabbit food.”

Customer: “A guinea pig is a reptile, right?”


This story is part of the Reptile roundup!

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For You, We’re Always Closed

, , , | Right | September 1, 2008

(The diner I work in is a 24-hour restaurant, and closes only on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and New Year’s Eve after 6pm.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [diner]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, what time do you close?”

Me: “We don’t close until Thanksgiving; we’re 24 hours.”

Caller: “I don’t care what time you close on Thanksgiving! I want to know when you close TONIGHT.”

Me: “…five pm.”

Caller: “THANK YOU.” *hangs up*


This story is part of the Closing Time roundup!

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They Grow Up So Fast

, , | Right | August 30, 2008

Customer: “I’d like two tickets for [Movie], please.”

Coworker: “That movie is rated R. Can I see your ID?”

Customer: *shows an ID that states she is 18*

Coworker: “You need to be 21 in order to purchase an R-rated ticket for someone else.”

Customer: “But it’s for my son!”

Coworker: “How old is your son?”

Customer: “16…”

Coworker: “So you’re 18… and you have a 16-year-old son?”

Customer: “That’s right!”

Coworker: “Let me get my manager…”

Manager: “Ma’am, you need to be 21 to purchase a ticket for a minor.”

Customer: “But he’s my son!”

Manager: “You’re telling me you gave birth when you were two years old?”

Customer: “YES! It happens; I promise you!”

The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies

, , | Right | August 29, 2008

(A customer orders an iced drink. They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)

Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”

Customer: “But I want my round lid!”

Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”

Customer: “Ooohhh…”

Thank God For Better Halves

, , , , , , | Right | August 27, 2008

(An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.)

Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?”

Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone*

Customer’s Wife: “Give me that!”

(She gets control of the phone.)

Customer’s Wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!”