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The Danger With Rhetorical Questions

, , , | Right | October 9, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I am in the back office and someone told me that we were supposed to be able to use wireless keyboards, so I cut the cable.”

Me: “You… cut the cable?”

Customer: “Yes, and now it doesn’t work.”

Me: “You cut the cable on your keyboard, and now it doesn’t work?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You’re going to have to buy a new keyboard.”

Customer: “Why? I was told we could use wireless keyboards.”

Me: “That is not a wireless keyboard.”

Customer: “Yes it is.”

Me: “Just because you cut the cord does not make it wireless.”

Customer: “Can’t you just make it work?”

Me: “Does your phone have a cable?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “If you cut it, do you think your phone will work?”

Customer: *line disconnects after twenty seconds of silence*

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Dumb, Dumberer And Dumberest

, , , , | Right | October 2, 2008

(I’m waiting in the movie ticket line and overhear three teenage girls having a conversation.)

Girl #1: “What is the mat-in-ee?”

Girl #2: “That’s like, a sea creature, right?”

Girl #3: “OMG, you are so stupid! It’s like when you get a discount because your dad is, like, in the military or something.”

Girl #1: “OMG, I’m so stupid!”

Girl #3: “Yeah, you should pay more attention to your surroundings!”

Problem Is Too Stupid To Recognize It Exists

, , , | Right | October 1, 2008

Caller: “Hi, I want to use my roommate’s computer but it’s not working.”

Me: “Could you describe the problem?”

Caller: “Well, there’s a sign next to it that says, ‘In case of error, PEBCAK.’ Could you explain it?”

Me: *tries not to laugh* “It’s short for, ‘Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard.'”

Caller: “Oh! I get it! Hold on…”

(I hear a loud cracking sound and some faint swearing.)

Caller: “It’s still not working!”

Me: “Er… What did you do?”

Caller: “I took away the wooden bit under the keyboard… Now it’s right over the chair!”

(I actually head-desked after that.)

And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam, Part 2

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I have your university user name?”

Caller: “What’s a user’s name?”

Me: “Oh… well, how are you affiliated with [University]?

Caller: “It’s what came up on my screen.”

Me: “Okay… well, I’m sorry, but this help desk is only for students, staff, and faculty of our university.”

Caller: “But the page said to call!”

Me: “Yes. If you’re in any way affiliated with us we’d be happy to help you, but this service is for students, staff, and faculty.

Caller: “But it didn’t say that; it just said to call!”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but you can’t just call any number on the Internet and expect support!”

Caller: “Well, why not?!” *hangs up*

Airheaded, Part 3

, , , , | Right | September 28, 2008

Manager: “May I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to return these wind chimes. They don’t work.”

Manager: “Okay, are they broken?”

Customer: “No, they just don’t work.”

Manager: “Well, where did you hang them?”

Customer: “On my back porch.”

Manager: “They should work just fine there.”

Customer: “They don’t… My husband and I sit on the porch and no there is no sound from the chimes!”

Manager: “Is your porch screened in? That could reduce the wind.”

Customer: “No, it’s glassed in.”

Manager: *pause* “I believe I know what the problem is.”

Customer: “Can you fix it?”

Manager: “No, but I can sell you a fan!”