(I work in a tattoo studio. Two customers in their mid-30s walk into the studio. I’m doing paperwork in the office but can hear the following interaction.)
Customer: “How long do tattoos last?”
Coworker: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Do they last a few days?”
Coworker: “Oh! Temporary tattoos?”
Customer: “No, real ones. How long do they last? A few days?”
Coworker: “Uh… They last your whole life. Like… until you die.”
(I’ve never seen my coworker so speechless!)
(Our office sometimes allows third parties to rent one of our spare offices. In that office there’s a computer, a big screen, a mouse, a keyboard — pretty much all you need to “plug and play.” I’m the receptionist today.)
Client: “Excuse me, but I can’t find the keyboard and mouse to control the computer.”
Me: “That is odd. There should be a set there.”
Client: “I looked into the cabinets, but I couldn’t find it.”
Me: “Let’s see what I can do. *walks along* “If I can’t find anything, you can use this cable to hook things up with your own laptop.” *turns around* “Or… do you mean that keyboard, in the middle of the table? With the mouse next to it?”
Client: *falls silent for a moment* “I even put my things right next to it.”
(I wished the client good luck with his presentation and let him know where our coffee machine was, in case he couldn’t use a cup… or a mug.)
(My husband and I have decided to try for a baby. Due to a medical issue, I have never been able to take hormonal birth control, so we’ve always used other methods. This takes place when we are getting intimate, and I am very sleep-deprived after a long week at work.)
Me: “Wait, wait, babe. Slow down.”
Husband: *pulls away from me, confused* “What’s up?”
Me: “We almost forgot.” *begins rummaging in the bedside cabinet*
Husband: “What are you looking for?”
Me: “A condom. Are we out?”
Husband: *pauses* “Think about that for a minute.”
(Italy is famous for its churches. You can find a church in every square, in old towns there’s almost one in every street, and all of them are famous for something — paintings, statues, tombs, etc. Two girls come into my office and ask me:)
Girls: “Where is the church?”
Me: “Um… Which one are you looking for?”
Girls: “The famous one.”
Me: “We have one in front of us, one next to us, and one at the end of the street; choose one!”
Girls: “Okay, thank you!”
(I work as a cab driver in Las Vegas. While I have a fair share of stupid customers, this one really takes the cake. I accept the radio call telling me to pick up a passenger at the public bus depot downtown. As I am on my way there, I call the customer to verify where I am picking them up. It is near sunset.)
Passenger: “I’m standing at [Street] and [Wrong Street Name].”
Me: “Do you mean [Correct Street Name]? That puts you on the east side of the building. I can only pick you up on [Street], on the west side of the building.”
Passenger: “Well, I just moved here and don’t know where that is.”
Me: “It’s on the west side of the building.”
Passenger: “I don’t know which direction that is.”
Me: *proceeds to pull over and slam forehead onto steering wheel*
