(I am a manager in a busy call centre. We only take inbound calls, where the customer calls us to either purchase or cancel their subscription for a popular newspaper. There are physical copies and digital copies of the paper. I have just been asked to take a call from one of my staff, as the customer is refusing to talk to him anymore. The customer has been on the phone with my colleague for around 40 minutes already.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I’m one of the managers here. My colleague has told me that you wanted to speak to me. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I purchased your papers app for my iPad, and quite frankly, it was utter rubbish!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, sir. What was the problem? Anything our tech guys can sort?”

Customer: “No, it just didn’t perform as well as I expected, so I called within the seven-day cancellation period and had my twelve-month subscription cancelled.”

Me: “So, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Well, I went to iTunes and purchased it from there, and it’s still just as bad! I want my money back!”

Me: “Okay, sir, just let me get this straight. You bought the app, and you didn’t like it. You then bought the same app and are still not happy with it?”

Customer: “Yes. I want my money back!”

Me: “Well, as you cancelled your account with us, we don’t have your money; iTunes does.”

Customer: “What the hell do you mean? It’s your app! Give me my money!“

(This goes on for a few minutes; the customer just doesn’t get that a separate company has sold our product, and that getting his financial details from them would be fraudulent. I’m getting quite frustrated, and our offices are closing down soon, so I’ve begun to not care about blatant sarcasm.)

Me: “Look, sir: if you go into [Popular Music and DVD Store], buy a bands CD, you take it home, and discover that the CD is snapped in half, what do you do? Take it back to where you actually purchased it, or complain to the band?”

Customer: “Umm…”

Me: “Because right now, you are complaining to the band, and the band just don’t care to deal with your stupidity.”

Customer: “I WANT TO COMPLAIN TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “I am the manager. Also, you don’t have an account with us, so…”

Customer: “I’M GOING TO WRITE TO FACEBOOK!”

Me: *laughing* “Okay, sir, you do that!”

(My store is running a clearance event with additional markdowns listed on items by way of large stickers showing 33%, 50% off, etc. I notice that several of the items that had been placed on one set of tables do not have an original price listed, so customers would have no way of calculating what the final price would be. I walk an associate over to explain what I want her to do.)

Me: “Grab a clearance sticker gun and go ahead and make sure everything on these tables is ticketed.”

Associate: “Correctly?”

Me: *laughing a little at first, because I think she’s kidding, but then a little sad when I realize she’s not* “Yes, well, that would be the point.”

(Our hotel has an option for keyless entry to your hotel room. Basically, you can get a key to your room on your smartphone and completely bypass the front desk to go straight to your room. It immediately becomes an attraction for credit-card thieves, as they can just input stolen numbers on their phones and go right up without us checking their ID. However, you must be a part of the hotel’s rewards program to access the feature, so to deter thieves, low-tier members are not able to use their keyless entry without first stopping at the desk to verify their identities and credit cards. Once their identities are verified, the front desk agent can manually authorize the activation of the key on their phone. On this particular night, I notice a low-tier member has booked our most expensive room, and opted for keyless entry. This rings alarm bells, so I look up her profile.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], this guest is a scammer.”

Manager: “What makes you say that?”

Me: “Well, for one, she tried to get a room here a few nights ago and, by the notes on her reservation, she told the desk that she had no credit card or ID. We cancelled it for her without a charge because of sketchiness. And two, the credit card on this reservation is completely different from her last one.”

Manager: “Yeah, that sounds pretty fishy. Just keep an eye on it; at least she can’t get a key without coming to the desk.”

(We have just hours earlier had a meeting on this very topic. However, about half an hour later, I am looking at the reservations left to check in and notice that the suspicious reservation has been issued her key. Skeptical, I go to the agent who it says did the issuing.)

Me: “Hey, [Agent], did [Suspicious Guest] actually check in with a proper card?”

Agent: “What? No. She hasn’t been up here. Why?”

Me: “It says you issued her a key! Now she can get in the room with what might be a fake card!”

Agent: “I didn’t check her in! I was just approving the keyless entries for the day!”

Me: “You were… What?”

Agent: “I always do this! You have to approve all of the keyless entries for them to work!”

Me: “I… What? No! The system automatically approves the ones that meet criteria! It will put a ‘pending approval’ notice on low-tier members or anyone whose card declines! You just issued keys to everyone who bothered to ask for one!”

Agent: “What? I’ve been doing this since the keyless entry program started! Are you sure?”

Me: “What did you think pressing the ‘Approve Keyless Entry’ button did?!”

(After taking a bit to process the whole encounter, I retrained her on how the system worked, and she promised not to manually approve any more keyless entries until their payment and ID were verified. It was pure luck we hadn’t had more scammers get through the system, as apparently this agent had been doing this for months. I was able to lock out the room that the suspicious guest was renting before she got there, so she would have to come to the desk after all. And wouldn’t you know it? When she did contact the desk, she stated that she didn’t have her card, and she was not allowed to stay.)

(I am the dumb customer in this instance. The store that I work at has a pharmacy in it, where I get all of my medications. The store has a policy in the pharmacy where the first three letters of the customers names are printed on the bags you pick up your prescriptions in. The first time I go to pick up a prescription there, I have never seen this before. Upon picking up my prescription, I see the first three letters of my last name.)

Prescription: “JEW.”

Me: *in genuine confusion* “No, I’m not?”

(I get this call at my office.)

Customer: “I love your company’s sandals, but I hurt myself while hiking!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that!”

Customer: “They really need to have more protection for the foot. My feet got all cut up on the rocks!”

Me: “Ah. Well, for hiking on rough terrain, sandals might not be your best bet. We have some hiking shoes and boots that might work better for you.”

Customer: “No, I prefer to wear sandals; they’re much more comfortable. I just wish they had something on top to protect my feet.”

Me: “Um, I really think a pair of shoes might be the way to go here.”

Customer: “No, you’re not listening. I want a pair of sandals with an upper to protect my feet!”

Me: “Uh… I’ll pass it along to the design team.”

Related:
If The Shoe Fits…, Part 8
If The Shoe Fits…, Part 7
If The Shoe Fits…, Part 6
If The Shoe Fits…, Part 5
If The Shoe Fits…, Part 4