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Generosity Which Knows No Bounds

, , , , , , | Right | January 20, 2009

(We are having a toy drive. If you buy and donate any $5 toy, you can receive 20% off your entire purchase. A woman wearing a fur coat is buying five bags of toys.)

Me: “Ma’am, would you be interested in donating a toy today? Since your total comes to $400, you’d save $80–”

Customer: *angrily* “My husband and I donate to CHARITY, so I don’t think I need to be guilt-tripped into your awful little toy drive!”

Me: “Your total is $400, then.”

Customer: “Is there any way I can get a discount?”

Me: “No… No, I’m afraid not.”


This story is part of the Customers-Are-Their-Own-Worst-Enemy roundup!

Read the next Customers-Are-Their-Own-Worst-Enemy story!

Read the Customers-Are-Their-Own-Worst-Enemy roundup!


This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

Read the next Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup story!

Read the Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

What A Tangled Web We Weave

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2009

(A customer has already ordered, picked up, and drunk most of his drink. He then walks up to the counter, very angry.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “What the f*** is this?!” *points to his cup*

Me: “It looks like the drink I made you, and you seem to have already enjoyed it.”

Customer: “No smart-a**, this!” *pours the drink onto the counter and a key bounces out* “What the f*** is going on here?!”

Me: *alarmed* “I am so sorry, sir! When I made the drink, I know there wasn’t a key in it. Let me make you a new one.”

Customer: “Yeah! You f****** better make me a new f****** drink. This is complete bull-s***! You’re lucky I don’t sue you and this coffee company!”

(I take the key and make him a new drink, and he goes and sits outside with his friends. The key isn’t mine, so I start asking coworkers and customers. No one is claiming it. The customer walks up about five minutes later, bright red and embarrassed.)

Customer: “Yeah, uh… I’m going to need my car key back so I can go home.”

Your Forecast For Today: Dark

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Technical Support]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have this error stuck on my TV screen — ‘Acquiring Satellite Signal.’  How do I fix this?”

Me: “I show from your account info that your area is undergoing a hurricane. Are you having bad weather now?”

Customer: “It’s raining and windy.”

Me: “Well, the rain and cloud cover are going to block your signal until the storm passes. The weather reports show that this is a major storm; have you considered evacuating for your own safety?”

Customer: *angrily* “How do I know if I need to evacuate when the TV only shows me this ERROR?!”

Occam’s Razor Phone

, , , | Right | January 13, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Mobile Customer Service], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, there’s something wrong with my phone. It won’t take pictures.”

Me: “Is it a camera phone?”

Customer: “No.”

And On This Farm He Had My Dinner

, , , | Right | January 12, 2009

Customer: What’s the difference between this-” *holds up a steak of lamb* “and this?” *holds up a steak of calf*

Me: “Well, this one is from a lamb, and this one from a calf. It says so right here on the label.”

Customer: “But what part of the animal is that?”

Me: *points at the lamb* “Baaaa.” *pointing at the calf* “Moooo.”

Customer: *happily* “Oh, thank you so much!”