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You Can Lead A Horse To Water…

, , , | Right | November 29, 2007

(A young man from Fullerton, CA calls to get our address in Rancho Cordova, CA.)

Caller: “Rancho Cordova? What coast is that on?”

Me: “We are in California, just like you.”

Caller: “Oh… So, East?”

This One Needs The “Three Hour Tour”

, , | Right | November 26, 2007

Customer: “How long is the one hour tour?”

Me: “60 Minutes.”

Customer: “Where does the harbour tour go?”

Me: “Around the harbour.”

The Problem With Analogies

, , | Right | November 26, 2007

(A customer wanders down the paint aisle where I’m working and asks for advice on which paint to use. I tell him, and he asks for the differences between brands)

Me: “[Brand #1] is just a bit thicker than [Brand #2]. But other than that, they’re pretty much the same.”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘thicker’?”

Me: “The paint has a thicker consistency.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Do you know what cake batter looks like? And water?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Cake batter is thicker than water, like [Brand #1] is thicker than [Brand #2].”

Customer: “[Brand #1] is cake batter?”

(It went on like this for a while. I end up leaving him there to contemplate)


This story is part of the Home Improvement roundup!

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Note: Still Needs To Discover Fire And The Wheel

, , | Right | November 23, 2007

(Ten years ago, I was working for a company selling computerized cash registers. A customer called in to help me with a cash register that didn’t connect to the back office computer)

Me: “So, can you tell me the settings of the DIP switches on the cash register?”

Customer: “DIP switch?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, the small switches located on the backside.”

Customer: “Eeeerrr… there are no switches there.”

Me: “Oh, yes, there are. Right next to the power cord.”

Customer: “No. There are no switches. Not anymore!”

Me: *puzzled* “Huh? Not anymore? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, you know, my colleague told me that these switches might actually be what caused the problem, so I removed them.”

Me: “REMOVED THEM?!”

Customer: “Yeah, you know, removed them. With a chisel.”

A Lost Cause

, , | Right | November 21, 2007

(I have a friend that works at a home improvement store; one day, a woman comes in looking for a generator)

Customer: “What does it mean when it says seven-gallon tank?”

Employee: “Uh, it means it can hold seven gallons of gas.”

Customer: “Gas? Why would it need gas?”

Employee: “It’s a generator. How else would it produce electricity?”

Customer: “I thought you just plugged it in.”


This story is part of our Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

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