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The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies

, , | Right | August 29, 2008

(A customer orders an iced drink. They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)

Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”

Customer: “But I want my round lid!”

Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”

Customer: “Ooohhh…”

Thank God For Better Halves

, , , , , , | Right | August 27, 2008

(An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.)

Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?”

Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone*

Customer’s Wife: “Give me that!”

(She gets control of the phone.)

Customer’s Wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!”

Behind Every Policy Is A Stupid Customer

, , , | Right | August 26, 2008

Customer: “I don’t want a lid.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s company policy. I have to serve your hot beverage with a lid on.”

Customer: “This is stupid.”

Me: “We don’t want you to burn yourself–”

Customer: “Then I’ll just blame you.”

Me: “…and that would be why we have the company policy.”

Something Smells Fishy

, , , , | Right | August 26, 2008

(I used to work at a theme restaurant that had a huge, double arch aquarium at the entrance to the dining area. We had staff members who would clean the tanks from the inside in full scuba gear. The tanks were filled with brightly colored, tropical fish.)

Patron: “Oooh! Is he there to paint the fish?”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Patron: “The fish. Is he in there to paint them?”

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am. The paint would wash off if we did it underwater. He takes them out to paint them.”

Patron: “You take them out? That’s horrible? How do they breathe?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s very quick. We use an airbrush and stencils. It really only takes a few seconds. And since the paint is misted on, it dries almost instantly.”

Patron: “Well, that’s a relief!”


This story is part of the Terrible Fish Owners roundup!

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Read the Terrible Fish Owners roundup!

Renamed: The iPod Please Touch The Frigging Screen

, , , | Right | August 25, 2008

Customer: “Hello, I just bought this iPod, and I can’t make it go.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “It won’t go.”

Me: “Okay, how exactly?”

Customer: “IT WON’T GO.”

Me: “Can I see your iPod?”

(The customer takes out iPod Touch and shows it to me. I turn it on and open up Safari.)

Me: “It seems to be working fine.”

(I hand it back to her. She presses the home button multiple times.)

Customer: “How did you do that? It’s not working.”

Me: “Ma’am, what kind of iPod is that?”

Customer: “iPod Touch.”

Me: “Yeah… so, try touching one of the icons on the screen.”

(She does.)

Customer: “OH, MY GOD, THAT IS SO COOL! YOU’RE A GENIUS!”

Me: “Yeah, well.”


This story is part of the Old-Technology roundup!

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Read the Old-Technology roundup!