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Doctoring Under The Influence

, , , , , | Right | September 9, 2008

(It’s St. Patrick’s Day at an Irish pub, and I’m serving a table with ten drunken customers.)

Drunken Table: “Hey! We need some more drinks over here! We’ve been waiting quite a while!”

Me: “Sure, what can I get for you!”

(They order ten different, complex cocktail orders.)

Me: “Great, I’ll get these into the bar as soon as possible.”

(Five minutes later…)

Lady: *at drunken table* “Hey! We’ve been waiting for our drinks! Where the h*** are they?!”

Me: “Well, we’re pretty busy and the bar is backed up a bit. Sorry for the delay.”

Lady: *at drunken table* “Well, we sure aren’t impressed with the service here. My husband is a doctor, and he’s on call tonight, so we really need our drinks served promptly!”

Doctor: *at drunken table* “Yesshh, I need my drinksh right nooow!”


This story of part of the St. Patrick’s Day roundup!

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Read the St. Patrick’s Day roundup!

Personally, I Prefer Stars And Polkadots

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2008

American Customer: “Your flag is just so pretty. I love maple leaves. Does it come in blue?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry. Only red.”

American Customer: “That’s a shame. My kitchen is blue, and it would look so pretty on the wall. You should make them in other colours.”

Me: “…”

Canadian Customer Behind Her: “That’s a good point. I’ve always thought the Stars-and-Stripes would look great in earth tones.”

American customer: “Our flag is ALWAYS red, white, and blue! Honestly, Canadians are so stupid sometimes.”


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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The Guinea Pig Goes Hiss

, , , , | Right | September 6, 2008

(I am showing a guinea pig to a middle-aged customer in a suit and tie who seems interested in buying it for his kids.)

Customer: “So, they eat special food just for guinea pigs?”

Me: “Yeah, there is a food that we sell that is specially customized to their needs, but you can also feed them rabbit food.”

Customer: “A guinea pig is a reptile, right?”


This story is part of the Reptile roundup!

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For You, We’re Always Closed

, , , | Right | September 1, 2008

(The diner I work in is a 24-hour restaurant, and closes only on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and New Year’s Eve after 6pm.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [diner]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, what time do you close?”

Me: “We don’t close until Thanksgiving; we’re 24 hours.”

Caller: “I don’t care what time you close on Thanksgiving! I want to know when you close TONIGHT.”

Me: “…five pm.”

Caller: “THANK YOU.” *hangs up*


This story is part of the Closing Time roundup!

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They Grow Up So Fast

, , | Right | August 30, 2008

Customer: “I’d like two tickets for [Movie], please.”

Coworker: “That movie is rated R. Can I see your ID?”

Customer: *shows an ID that states she is 18*

Coworker: “You need to be 21 in order to purchase an R-rated ticket for someone else.”

Customer: “But it’s for my son!”

Coworker: “How old is your son?”

Customer: “16…”

Coworker: “So you’re 18… and you have a 16-year-old son?”

Customer: “That’s right!”

Coworker: “Let me get my manager…”

Manager: “Ma’am, you need to be 21 to purchase a ticket for a minor.”

Customer: “But he’s my son!”

Manager: “You’re telling me you gave birth when you were two years old?”

Customer: “YES! It happens; I promise you!”