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Money, Money Everywhere But Not A Brain To Think

, , , | Right | July 31, 2008

Customer: “I want your name!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “There is a huge scratch on the trunk of my Lexus from your f****** pump hose. I am going to sue this store for damages. I want your f****** name!”

Me: “My name is [My Name], sir, just like it says on the name tag. What happened?”

Customer: “I pulled up on the other side of the pump, so I had to drag the hose over the trunk to fill up, and the handle scratched my car. I want your full and address. I am suing you for damages.”

Me: “Let me get this straight… You pulled up to the wrong side of the pump, and you were too dumb to pull around to the right side, so you dragged a metal-headed gas hose over the trunk of your car, scratching the paint yourself, and you think I am the one responsible?”

Customer: “Yes, god-d*** it! Give me your last name and address!”

Me: “No chance in h***. That’ll be $17.23 for the gas.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He drove off without paying. We caught the whole thing on interior and exterior video, including the license plate of his poor scratched Lexus. The state troopers caught him before he made it to the next freeway exit. I quit that job the next day.)


This story is part of the Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!

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He Wants What He Wants

, , | Right | July 28, 2008

Camper: “Can I get a root beer float?”

Me: “No, you can only order a single scoop cup or cone.”

Camper: “So I can get one?”

Me: “You can get a single scoop ice cream, cup, or cone.”

Camper: “So can I get a root beer float?”

Me: “You can get a cup or cone, single scoop or ice cream. That’s what you can get. Got it?”

Camper: *nods*

Me: “So what are you getting?”

Camper: “A root beer float.”

Me: “Are you seriously not getting this?”

The Lion, The Witch And The Supply Cabinet

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2008

(Note: The women’s bathroom in our store has a large handicapped stall which also holds an eight-foot-tall locked wooden storage cabinet for supplies. )

Coworker: “Thanks for calling [Coffee Place]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, is this [Coffee Place]?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is. How can I help you?”

Customer: “This is the [Coffee Place] in [Public Square]?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “The one with the bathroom?”

Coworker: “Uh… yes?”

Customer: “Oh, well, I’m calling from the women’s room. The door is locked and I can’t get out.”

Coworker: “Well, if you turn the handle of the door and pull it should open.”

Customer: “There is no handle! I’m locked in!”

Coworker: “Okay, I’ll have someone over in a moment.”

Coworker: *to me* “Ummm… so some lady locked herself in the bathroom and can’t get out.”

Me: “Seriously?”

(I head over to the bathroom, letting myself in with the spare keys. There is, in fact, a woman in the large stall, yelling for help.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, your stupid door locked me into the stall and now I’m stuck in here! ”

(I can hear her fumbling with something, but it isn’t the stall door latch.)

Me: “Okay. Well, if you’ll just come over to the stall door, turning the knob should open it.”

Customer: “There is nothing to turn! The door only has a handle!”

Me: “It does. I’m standing on the other side of it.”

Customer: “Well, then why don’t YOU open it! You’ve already kept me locked in here for a half hour!”

(I fiddle with the lock and manage to open it from the outside after a moment, only to see the woman prying at the supply cabinet door.)

Customer: “Oh, I came in this door. I thought that one…” *points to supply cabinet* “… led to the men’s room.”

(Without another word, she walks out of the bathroom and out of the store.)

Coworker: “Maybe she was trying to get to Narnia?”


This story is part of the Totally Unobservant Customers roundup!

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Welcome To Earth, Population: Me

, , , | Right | July 28, 2008

(A customer calls.)

Caller: “Is my car ready to be picked up?”

Me: “I can check for you, sir. Which car is it?”

Caller: “The one I dropped off this morning.”

Me: “Right, and which one would that be?”

Caller: “The one that I dropped off today.”

Me: “Sir, we have a lot of customers on a daily basis. I can’t go on that alone…”

Caller: “I dropped it off this morning!”

Me: “Sir, lots of people dropped their cars off this morning. You need to tell me more. The license plate number, or what you dropped it off for, for example?”

Caller: “It’s the car that I dropped off this morning!”


This story is part of the Auto-Shop roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

12 Stories About Customers Who Should Not Be Allowed To Drive!

 

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Maybe That’s Her Good Side

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2008

Customer: “Do you take passport photos?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Do you want one taken?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Just stand in front of the screen, please, and I’ll take your photo.”

(She walks up and stands in front of the white screen; she’s facing the background with her back towards me. My coworkers can barely keep it together at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to turn around if you don’t want the back of your head on your passport.”


This story is part of the Customers-Are-Bad-Photographers roundup!

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