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Step 35c: Ask Customer To Reboot Dumbo

, , , , , | Right | August 22, 2008

Customer: “Hey, all the computers in the store are down.”

Me: “Yep, I can’t ping your servers or anything. Are you in the computer room?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “What’s on your console?”

Customer: “Hang on, let me get a flashlight.”

Me: “A flashlight? Why do you need a flashlight?”

Customer: “We’re in the middle of a power outage.”

Me: “Umm… sir, the computers won’t work without power.”

Customer: “Are you sure? They fixed it last time.”

Me: “Pretty sure… I’ve been doing this a while. How did you lose power?”

Customer: “An elephant stepped on the transformer.”

Me: “An… elephant?”

Customer: “We’re having a parking lot carnival, and an elephant got away from the handler.”

Me: “Ah, yes, I should have known… Those pesky elephants always causing us these problems.”

Customer: “What? Really?”

Me: “Yeah… Call us back when you get your power restored.”


This story is part of the Elephant roundup!

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Sure, Let Me Get On My Hamster Wheel

, , , | Right | August 21, 2008

(This was during a HUGE power outage in New York. The entire city was out of power.)

Me: “Thanks for calling, my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My TV is not working.”

Me: “Okay, what’s it doing?”

Customer: “It won’t turn on.”

(I notice that the customer is in New York.)

Me: “The power is out through your entire city.”

Customer: “But my TV won’t turn on.”

Me: “Right, your TV runs on electricity, and won’t work without it.”

Customer: “I just want to watch TV! Why won’t it turn on?”

Me: “Can you go to a light switch and see if that works?”

Customer: “That’s not why I called! I want to watch TV.”

Me: “Without power, you won’t be able to watch your TV.”

Customer: “Then fix it!”

Maybe Microsoft Makes Them

, , , | Right | August 20, 2008

(A customer has no power to a CD-ROM drive and has a disc stuck inside.)

Me: “Okay, here’s what you have to do. You need to find yourself a paperclip and unbend it a bit, so you have something to stick in the little hole next to the volume dial.”

Customer: “So… a paperclip, you say? Can I order that from you? I’m not sure what that is…”

Darwin Called, He Wants His Prehensile Thumb Back

, , , , | Right | August 16, 2008

Me: “Thank you for holding. I hear you need some help getting your car opened?”

Caller: “Yeah, my battery went dead and so I can’t get my doors open!”

Me: “Did you lock your keys in your car?”

Caller: “No, it’s just that I have electronic locks, and the battery is dead so I can’t get the doors open!”

Me: “Um, did you try to open the door manually?”

Caller: “How do I do that? ”

Me: “You stick your key into the door lock on the outside of the door. Turn it and it should unlock.”

Caller: “OH! YOU CAN DO THAT?!”


This story is part of our Even-More-Bad-Drivers roundup!

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So Dumb It Hurts

, , , , | Right | August 11, 2008

(I work at a vet’s office and am giving a woman and her three children basic grooming information for their new puppy. The conversation has already been going on for an hour.)

Me: “…the groomers can do different ‘cuts’ or ‘styles’ for your dog, depending on how you want him to look.”

Customer: “Will that hurt?”

Me: “Will what hurt?”

Customer: “Cutting him. Will it hurt when you cut him?”

Me: “No… it’s not cutting HIM; it’s just cutting his fur.”

Customer: “Oh… but will that hurt?”

Me: “No… it’s hair.”

Customer: “Are you sure it won’t hurt when you cut it?”

Me: “It’s just like when you get your own hair cut. Does it hurt when you get your hair cut?”

Customer: *looks confused*

Me: “Okay… well, no, it won’t hurt.”

(I then go on to other aspects of grooming… clipping toenails, cleaning the ears, etc.)

Me: “…you can clean the puppy’s ears if they get dirty, or just whenever you give him a bath.”

(I go over the ear cleaning process.)

Customer: “Will it hurt? ”

Me: “No… he may not like it and may shake his head, but it shouldn’t hurt. Just make sure you don’t stick anything, like a Q-Tip, into his ear.”

Customer: “Okay, so how do I do that?”

(I go over the ear cleaning process again.)

Me: “…and again, just whenever you give him a bath…”

Customer: “Okay, how do I do that? ”

Me: “Well, there are several different shampoos you can use…”

Customer: “But how do I do that?”

Me: “You mean… how do you actually give him a bath?”

Customer: “Yes, how do I do that?”

Me: “Just like you’d bathe your kids… The puppy’s small, so you can bathe him in the sink, or in the bathtub…”

Customer: “But how do I bathe him?”

(At this point, I look at the woman’s three children and wonder how they’ve survived their mother.)

Me: “Umm… you put water on him… Err… You know, we have full-service grooming here. It includes a bath. We’ll do everything for you: cut his toenails, clean his ears, trim his hair…”

Customer: “But we don’t want to hurt him. Will a bath hurt?”

Me: “It’s WATER!”


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

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